So tell me, is ‘better’ writing actually better? I’ve been moving toward a more descriptive style in my writing. More show, less tell. I’ve been enjoying it but I notice how it pushes wordcount up and it’s kinda, well, wordy. I mean, it’s the same story, isn’t it? Do we really need ‘Once Upon A Time,’ to be ‘In the year 2018, on a brisk early spring day during the month of April when the sun was just reaching its zenith over the northern pines of the smallest mountain in the rocky ridge?’ It’s that question of storytelling. Is immersion into a scene battling for the pacing of the plot? I really don’t know but I’m wondering about how to balance it all.
I’m enjoying the new writing style—I like the challenge. It can be boring to do the same thing day in and day out if you don’t find ways to challenge yourself. But yeah, I can also understand that it might just feel too different… I dunno. I’m sure people have opinions on these things. XD
Why aren’t there more stories out there about being stoned and screwing the day away in a peaceful, horny haze? It’s a wonderful experience. I think even now we’re asking our fiction to reflect a PC reality instead of just reality. If I need to get safe sex and drink and drive responsibly messages from my fiction, it is way too fucking late for me. XD Such a shame the things we miss when trying to be ‘appropriate.’
I had someone review a book who apparently loved the story but felt the need to give it a lower star rating and announce they were doing this (lol) because I didn’t warn them. It reminded me of another review some time back where they suggested the swears in the book insulted them personally. Peeps, I’m done warning people about the inside of fiction. I’m done being responsible for other people’s feelings. I’m done telling people that characters swear and have sex and bad things sometimes happen in books. I’m not your mommy. Actually, most books are about creating a character you love and then destroying them, and maybe, if it’s a happy ending, they are allowed to survive a little wiser. Books are not safe places when serial killers, werewolves, aliens, post apocalyptic rape gangs, and cyber villains are crafted just for plot points. If you think it’s real, you’re going to have a bad time.
There is no Motion Picture Association of America film rating system for books–and there better never be, cuz my fuck, movies don’t get made that don’t fit their standards. No other genre feels the need to warn their readers that fiction happens in books. Anne Rice, George R.R. Martin, and Stephen King aren’t warning people to be adults when you open a book written by adults for adults. I think it looks tacky, unnecessary, and feeds this bs with censorship that suggests readers need their hands held to protect them from words on a screen. Hey, they might–I’m not judging. But I’m also not following this trend of protecting readers from their own minds. If people can’t distinguish fiction from reality, they should walk the fuck away from books. It’s not the author’s responsibility to save them from themselves. This isn’t a pack of cigarettes full of carcinogenics, it’s a fucking book.
There’s also this bullshit of, if I actually warn people about the contents of my books, it could be enough to get that book banned. Mentioning the stuff in my latest book like noncon, bestiality, obsessive dominant behavior to the point of sexual slavery would have that book taken down so fucking fast, it wouldn’t be funny. The word ‘blackmail’ I’m pretty sure was the fucking trigger to getting I’ll Tell pulled. Sexual blackmail spelled out instead of implied. Yeah, warnings aren’t happening if I want to make a living. Blame Amazon for creating a culture of fear and secrecy around fiction that contains sex. They can be your mommy. XD
A Story of Pleasure and Pain
Okay, so in honor of 4/20, I’m going to tell you guys about my last 3 weeks. Starting off, this is not a pot story, although it has roots in it. I used to smoke right before bed when I was super sick. Had a cute little vape, took a hit a night—cuz that’s all it would take for a lightweight like me XD—and would spend the next day a human being free of the muscle/joint pains of what we first thought was Lyme at the time, and also almost free of the PTSD. That was my main motivation; my anxiety was intense 4 years ago that led me to that little moldy apartment where I grew sicker and sicker. Pot provided a perspective that couldn’t be found elsewhere during that time, which was ‘things aren’t actually life and death even if my body feels like it.’ It showed me my muscles weren’t growing weaker, but that there was something keeping my body from activating them when I would collapse and be unable to lift my head. It’s only now I’m starting to piece some things together as to why.
I found a big key to my health problems—I think THE key. Low dopamine. The dopamine system commonly down regulates as a result of childhood trauma, PTSD, and mold toxicity, and I’ve shown lots of signs that I’ve been suffering with this since I was a teenager. Recently I started supplementing with precursors to dopamine. Nope, not pot—for those who don’t know, dopamine is increased from smoking marijuana which is why it can offer some of its kickass effects (but it eventually down regulates the system so chronic use loses the dopamine effect.) I actually started looking at dopamine because of my brother’s ADHD and his close miss with SSRIs. I wondered if it could have a positive effect on my focus as well, and I decided to go for it and see.
I used easy to dose supplements starting with DOPA Mucuna and then went into L-Tyrosine, L-Theanine, and DL-Phenylalanine. What were the results? Did I get smarter and more focused? Maybe, I was kinda distracted by all the other results. My allergies evaporated, my body has been moving, working, digesting, circulating, producing saliva again (may save some teeth yet!) Sugar cravings and back pain are gone—my posture is so nice. <3 My house is also clean and it’s not this chore of exhaustion. I’m eating daily. I’m alive in the world, not breaking from doing simple tasks. Again, my ALLERGIES are gone! XD I can pick up the cats or clean their litter boxes and not have to go rushing to my clean room or end up with limb fatigue, exhaustion, foggy brain, etc.
It’s awesome. Unfortunately, I’ve been in excruciating pain this entire time as well.
Thought it was an ear infection. Thought it might be a bad tooth, or high stomach acid, or infected salivary gland, or a broken jaw—my fuck, it all just hurts. Sinuses feel fine, no headaches, but there is pain in my mouth, jaw, neck, throat, back teeth, tongue and soft tissue of the area. But no inflammation, no redness, no fucking clue. Right before the pain, I feel my throat tighten like someone is clenching my larynx, (something I used to feel when smoking pot too but never this pain.)
Thought it was a reaction to the first supplement I tried, Mucuna, which is derived from a plant that has toxic defenses. Nope. Tried that list of other supplements only to have the same problem. Thought it was an allergy to citric acid, which is made from the bacteria I’m allergic too. Nope, although I cannot consume any kind of Vitamin C (ascorbic acid) without pain. @[email protected] Did a lot of research and came across an answer I really don’t want to be true, but it looks like dopamine itself is probably the source.
I guess around @24% of Parkinson’s patients (an illness defined by the body’s inability to create/uptake dopamine) have Burning Mouth Syndrome when they start supplementing dopamine. The body is fine—there is no actual problem—but the pain felt is extreme in some individuals when certain dopamine receptors receive dopamine. If they stop the dopamine, their Parkinson’s returns. Treatments have been found, one a dopamine antagonist that has a nice list of side effects. Another is finding a way to release endorphins with a laser which doesn’t have those side effects.
So… that’s been me. Looking for ways to not be in pain while trying to keep a level of health where I feel alive. It’s been a rough 3 weeks and I have not been winning this pain battle. Gonna see if my doctor can take me early or I might have to wait 6 months for answers. Really hoping I’m not looking at the beginnings of something like Parkinson’s. Right now I’m experimenting with calcium, Choline and Melatonin who all have potential in being natural dopamine antagonists but they don’t target certain receptors that I’m aware, so they could just end up blocking dopamine. Also trying to see if I can keep dopamine levels up consistently (such a short half-life) to see if that prevents the pain from growing too great. I notice when I chew when it hurts the most—yeah, fucking torture—my body releases endorphins and the pain alleviates for a while after.
It’s good news—seriously, it is amazing news to have found this dopamine key. I think I’d enjoy it a fuck ton more without the constant pain, but hey, sometimes you have to make do with what you have. This is the only life I have, the only body, and yeah, control is nothing but an illusion. I can freak and battle against reality, or accept what is while seeking better. The pain is extremely distracting on my ability to write, but I’m doing my best. I’m not the type to give up. And whoo, I have so many freaking plans for The Paranormal Academy For Troubled Boys, that series won’t let me be distracted by anything but them. XD
Twelve years too late …
Xavier James is shocked when he runs into the first man who ever broke his heart. His ex-boyfriend has only gotten sexier over the past decade, but Xavier isn’t about to go down that road again. When they cross paths at the hospital’s urgent care clinic, where Xavier is doing a student nursing rotation, it’s more difficult to dismiss the man. Thrown together by work and forced into close quarters, a visit to memory lane is incredibly tempting.
It’s never too late to start over …
Dr. Trent Cavendish made a huge mistake when he walked away from the love of his life at age 18. When his best friend suddenly dies 12 years later, it rattles Trent into seeing just how empty his life has become. Determined to go back to the moment he put himself on the path to ambition over happiness, he walks away from the OR and takes a temporary position in his hometown. It’s time to make amends to the man he left behind.
Oh, how things have changed …
Instead of the sweet but tame guy he left behind, Trent runs into a smoking-hot Xavier James dressed in bits of lace and silk at a gay nightclub. He never knew he had a fetish for a man in delicate clothing until now. His plan to earn Xavier’s forgiveness immediately shifts to lust, and love’s not far behind. But Xavier is wary of this new Trent Cavendish. The villain of his memories is considerate and kind, but Xavier wants to be more than a new goal to chase.
When the past comes back to haunt you. Two experienced Doms in one tricky relationship.
Relationships should be easy. One leads, one follows. But for Connor and Wesley things weren’t so in the beginning, especially when they were both used to lead. After they came together, they thought they had everything settled. Connor led, Wesley followed. But now their routine is threatened.
When a new client at the Dungeon stirs up memories of Connor’s ex, their relationship is put to a test. With his thoughts a mess, Connor cannot get over his past and focus of on the present. If Wesley can’t help Connor put it all behind him, their relationship is doomed to fail. Is their connection strong enough or will crumble under the pressure?
If you like strong Switches and hot Doms, then Aimee Brissay’s Pushing Connor is for you.
Buy it now and dive into the latest installment of the Dungeon series.
Joe doesn’t live on top of a mountain because he loves people. A late summer snowstorm is the perfect chance to send his customers down to lower altitude and enjoy a few days of solo strolls and fireside naps.
Tanner’s not staying at a high-altitude hut to admire the scenery. He’s got a date to keep with the sort of person you don’t want to disappoint, a date that’ll result in him earning some much-needed cash in exchange for what’s left of his self-respect. But that’s OK. He gave up on self-respect when he picked up the needle anyway.
Pyotr didn’t drop into a blizzard to rescue Tanner or to drag Joe back down to the real world. His mission is a lot colder than that. People are only pawns, and spies are only heroes to those who don’t know them.
Hermit, addict, spy. Three men, one snowstorm, zero reason to trust. And someone’s coming …