Search Results for: "dubcon"

So Why Didn’t Gay Marriage Solve Everything? 🍄

Hey, babes ^^

So let me start by saying I don’t want to craft walls and bars with words so that people feel this is the only reality. This is the difficulty of society—the difficulty of being a storyteller when people reading the story don’t understand reality is not actually confined by our perception of it. We are confined by our perceptions of reality. I’m going to tell a story about how I see parts of reality and why I write what I write. This reality is not shared by everyone—thank fuck—but I’d love to hear your responses. I love to talk about this shit. XD Oh, and fuck, I will be getting back to the comments of last week. I got most of you—I’m so excited you’re excited about the Demon Virus interactive story! I just got caught up in writing and didn’t want to leave.

With that out of the way, I love the premise of this book and I want to talk about it! I haven’t read it yet, to be totally upfront. Once Hellcat is done I’m going to indulge in fun, damn it! (and yeah, this kind of reading is totally fun for me and my inner nerd… as is writing… as is writing Hellcat—I’m actually having lots of fun. XD) But just reading the premise, I think you can understand where ‘Sadie Sins’ might be really on board with this whole concept and it has my mind sparking.

Why Straight Guys Love Their Gay Guys: Reviving the Roots of Male Sexuality

After fifty years of progress and the advent of gay marriage, statistics on the well-being of gay men are as grim as ever. Rates of suicide, alcoholism, and drug abuse have not budged. Anxiety, depression, loneliness, and poor health are just as widespread. Studies have shown that gay men who live in urban gay communities actually are worse off, not better.

The utopia promised by gay marriage has not materialized. Gay men seem to have run out of ideas for future progress. There is little acknowledgment of the fact that something remains badly wrong. Nor is there a diagnosis of what is wrong.

This book proposes that the diagnosis is obvious if we look at the origins of male sexuality and how it was expressed in other cultures. The anti-sex Puritan system in which we are now immersed is relatively recent in human history. Yet in less than 2,000 years, knowledge of how other cultures lived and loved has been systematically wiped out. The forms of male sexuality were remarkably similar from culture to culture. But starting with the early Europeans in the last years of Rome and continuing around the globe as Europeans colonized the continents, natural male sexualities have been cruelly repressed and then obliviated. We are all Puritans now.

The greatest taboo of all in male sexuality remains unchallenged and is still heavily enforced. That is the taboo of male-male sex, which until 2003 was still a crime. This book argues that the plight of gay men is only a piece of a much larger catastrophe — the Puritanical repression of the sexualities of all men, in an attempt to harness the enormous power of male sexuality for social purposes in the name of moral progress, with promises of greater glories to be found in heaven. The damage that Puritanism caused to human beings and to stable social systems was never noticed. In fact the damage and misery were regarded as good. It was seen as payback to the devil.

This book is not arguing for something new, untested, unknown, and radical. Rather, the challenge is to return to something very old — the joy of male-male sex — which took similar forms in most of the cultures that we have knowledge of. In such worlds, it was understood that some men are more masculine than others, that some men are gayer than others, and that heterosexuality and homosexuality are complementary and of equal value. And those old worlds were worlds in which every gay man was able to take for granted what to us today is the impossible dream — sex with a straight best friend.

The Root of Sin is a Story

This is the root of all my stories, from the dirtiest noncon/dubcon/beast/incest/degradation to the sexy, happy fluff. This is why I write sex, to offer a narrative that to ‘give in’ to your fears and break the societal constructs surrounding sex will allow you to find pleasure instead of the sin. The sin is a lie, it’s something we were taught, not something that exists. But our brains hold power over us, our narratives—the narratives of society, of the casual little phrases we don’t even think about that create the bars to the cage that say sex is bad and wanting sex means you’re bad. That sweat, shit, tears, cum, vomit, urine, blood, flesh, bones—these things that are a part of living in a human body, something every single person on this planet experiences—is on some level bad and offensive. The body must be hidden and those who don’t hide theirs are narcissists, deviants, godless, seducers, sluts, asking to be harmed because to have a body is to deserve to be raped. These are the narratives we hear every day, little stories that filter in and our brains pick up and form a construct of the world around us.

This is also the root of censorship—I know, that other thing I love talking about! XD I find censorship extra fascinating because rarely is it just for reality but for imitations of reality. If you’ve been watching news about Trump and his ‘shithole’ comment, I hope you’re laughing as loudly as I am every time a newsperson goes to say the word shithole and instead they say something like “bleephole” or “you-know-what hole” XD OMG. They can’t even quote reality. Someone, somewhere is demanding these people not say certain words, and my fuck, they fucking listen, don’t they? They create a complete construct around avoiding certain mouthsounds, and those who don’t conform are punished. Book censorship of course is just as insane—the belief that an idea is wrong and shouldn’t be allowed to exist or people will be harmed.

Sit with that for a bit. Lol. So many people afraid of their brains, claiming their actions are powerless to their thoughts. How easy it would be to justify murder if we truly believed we weren’t responsible for our actions? We thought about killing someone, then we did—blame the thing that gave us the idea, not the choice of committing an action. Society can see how ludicrous that is for murder—usually, don’t get me started on the Stand Your Ground law—but for sex? For an internal desire expressed in the body that our history (and some current cultures) claim is just as atrocious as murder? Far less rational thought occurs when reacting to a societal message of morality.

The Societal System

Society pushes to say ‘don’t accept who you are unless… *insert demand*’ Unless you look a certain way, unless you act a certain way, unless you get that paycheck of a certain amount, unless some god loves you, unless you sacrifice, unless you earned it, unless you prove you’re worthy, unless your parents/teacher/priest/doctor/boss/celebrity/friend/someone approves… unless you’re something else. The message is you aren’t good enough as is; you must be something else and then you will be acceptable and loved. And this isn’t just the big society, that vague ‘them’ that encompasses a state or continent. There are tons of societies from groups of friends, to families, to the workplace, to your singular mind, and in this particular book’s case, the gay community.

I fear just the act of placing the gay label is the first step in this slippery slope of crafting cages and demanding of yourself to be something else concerning sexuality. It was in the lesbian scene I saw the most fighting, the most cruelty, the most anger. I met women abused by men who turned to women, only to be abused again. Or to abuse others. To seek drugs, to steal, to break up relationships, to blame others for their actions. Everyone was a hookup instead of a person. Everyone a savior to prove they’re worthy instead of a person. I saw women who demonized men, women who demonized mothers, women who demonized beautiful women—really, just pick a ‘type’ and someone hated them because of how they looked, how they acted, how they existed.

I saw so much unhappiness in that place, including the beautiful group of males who crossdressed as females and were so defensive, it felt like I was in a war scene when they stepped off stage and walked through a sea of women and seemed to expect to be attacked/judged/mocked. And given the sea of these hurt women, they might have had experience to feel that way. I saw women who desperately needed to have their peers reflect them so they could see who they were. It was identity through the control of others. Identity through comparing. Identity through reacting. They could only find themselves when interacting with others—others who had to fit their narrative or were punished. And why did those who were hurt by not fitting stay to fit? Because they gained identity by staying, by being labeled. Every person there was there by choice.

I can’t speak for gay men in that scene. Why? Because the sexes were segregated when it came to gay and lesbian and the clubs and parties I found myself at. I think part of the whole meat market aspect of that scene was, if you’re not in the market, you’re not welcome. I dunno. Maybe they couldn’t reflect off of such a different looking person—a man—so they kept them away? Maybe what the did reflect pushed them away? I can speculate but I don’t actually know. If I knew there were men out there who hated me just because of my gender the way some of those women hated men (even if those roots were based in abuse,) I probably wouldn’t be in a rush to hang out. XD

A Living Narrative

So, this is a story of the past that doesn’t exist anymore. One place in time through the eyes of one curious woman whose brain loves to find patterns in people and understand. These are moments in my life I remember to write the narrative of today–even if today is completely different. And this is part of the problem; we as humans take the past and project it into the future. We decide everything we know makes us a fortune teller. XD

During that time I spoke with women who left the scene who confided how painful it had been for them, how insane it was compared to being sexually evolved out in the world. I was still watching the scene trying to understand why everyone seemed to have a prescription or a drug or a trauma they were taking while calling themselves these two dimensional labels and looking to be seen but not really known. I was straight out of the psych ward hanging with a lesbian (who by the time I left was considering identifying as a male) who was fresh out of prison, and I had a bipolar bisexual girlfriend (who called herself a lesbian once she started dating me but nearly married a man right before.) The bubble I was in was real but that doesn’t mean it was the entire view.

After the psych ward, where you’re labeled by your brain/behavioral ‘malfunction’—you know, the true way to identify who you are, by the thing that fucks up your life completely and you can never be free of. XD The illness that makes you wrong compared to everyone else; that’s who you are. Sigh. Now that’s a system of suffering that keeps people suffering, and after the psych ward, the scene just seemed all too familiar. You can be sexually free, but only when you label, so make sure you know what your label is and don’t try to change it. We already have identified you by this label and we don’t want to be confused or worse, annoyed. Your sexuality is a judgment on us, especially if you ever fucked us—don’t you dare be bisexual or trans, cus that just confuses the fuck out of us and our sexual identity.

It was a beautiful chaos of pain as people tried to discover themselves while stepping on everyone’s toes. As much as they hurt each other, they hurt themselves even more, and the ones who stayed—so many stay until they find what they need—they hurt themselves the most.

Why Do We Do It?

I love people, I truly do. I love their insanity as they claw at themselves demanding the impossible while hoping against hope if they reach that goal, the suffering will finally stop. And while they’re clawing at themselves, they’re screaming at anyone who looks a little like them, demanding the same of them—be perfect, be this, be the thing I need so I can be free already. Hurry the fuck up and be what I want! XD Ah, it’s so powerful, so amazing, so fucking cruel and beautiful and we demand of our loved ones first, don’t we? Those who provide us the most on a material and emotional level we then refuse to allow to be free of our filter. If you change, then who am I?

I can look back and see how lost I was when I was this person who needed others to be a certain way so I could feel safe in the world. Err… like a year ago. XD This part is not an old story and she still pops up time to time. What an exhaustion trying to get people to change just so I could calm the fuck down over stupid shit like dishes. And what pain I inflicted on myself with my own demands.

Lol, that’s why my writing is so different these last months with less a focus on completion and more on actually writing the story as it wants to be. I finally learned to stop demanding so much of myself, and I’m still learning. A writer can be an ass to herself and decide if editing isn’t perfect, you suck. (whoops.) If that novel isn’t published by the end of the month, you’re a horrible person. And then you can find other writers to agree with that inner bitchy voice. It’s easier to see the interactions with my loved ones and stop, but the pain I commit on myself by having all those inner demands? Whooo, it has taken time.

It takes time not to respond to my loved ones when they come to me to identify them. When some days they want to feel weak and helpless in the world and they lash at me to give them the promise that I’m strong enough to carry it all for them, or that I perceive them incapable so they don’t have to try. Sometimes they define me by the mold toxicity so that they can be my hero for a little bit even if it means I can’t be my hero. It’s not a one way street—everyone is in a relationship by choice to gain whatever it is they need. Some people are afraid to move forward and they want someone to point it out to them so that they can tell themselves they don’t have to move forward, they can just be angry at you, bitch. XD Or they ask you for advice, ask you to carry them and do it for them, and when you don’t, ah, what a washing away of responsibility. Such bliss. They don’t have to do it because they handed you the responsibility, and if you don’t do it, oh, well, it gets to slip away and be unimportant, dragged out only during later arguments to ‘win’ in the battle of dominance for the right to narrate the shared story. Lol, it’s beautiful.

This could be the pain of the group, of the lgbt community that holds itself back, that demands others be a certain way because they have to be a symbol, a representation of an entire sexual movement. It has to look a certain way, and if you don’t fit you shouldn’t be allowed to exist as you are—change for us so we look the way we should.

Freedom to marry doesn’t give you anything when you’re not free to be yourself. It doesn’t change the way you think the world still sees you. It doesn’t change the way you still see yourself. It’s not only straight people who have the ability to judge. I see so many who have struggled to find their sexual identity and they feel threatened by the existence of someone similar but different. I have plenty of gay people still tell me bisexuality isn’t real. Some fear the spectrum because then they don’t know where they fit, who they are without the sexuality label nice and clear. I love writing straight to gay because of this—to show that facing the fear of being different from your self expectations can lead to pleasure.

My theme as a writer seems to be submission to inner dark desire=pleasure. XD I knew nothing about bdsm when I started writing erotica—I thought it was a super tacky genre from the few books I read at the time with all their equipment and living in clubs and their silly rules. All I saw was the structure and none of the underlying emotion. Now, after studying the push and pull of the human psyche as it seeks relief in others, I see the struggle of relinquishing to self.

So funny, the battle of the ego just looking for an escape to let go, looking for someone to save them because they don’t want to think they have the power. If they have the power, then they’re obligated to change their life, right? No thank you, just hand that over to the guy with the whip. XD Keep the changes in a safe place, one room, one little therapeutic dose of giving away control, giving in to desire without fear of consequence in the real world. A structured fantasy with the only one to judge being yourself and your partner.

Toxic Fruit

I like the premise of the book, of the greater society, of history and religion and the rejection of the human form being the roots of this problem. I want to see if it goes further. The roots still feed the plants that bear fruit, and where do we see the hurt coming from when history is dust, and morality is merely a system in place that no one is actually controlling? Why do those newspeople really hold back from swearing on television? Do they give a fuck about the concept of morality, or do they care about losing their jobs? Individual humans in this world punish them, and those who are punished choose to accept that’s the trade off to being free to speak certain words on TV—ha! I live in a country where we hold up free speech as some big right while saying it’s not allowed on television. Wow. Individuals strike out at others, demand from them what they demand of themselves to keep the world one way. They perpetuate the message while being bombarded by the message.

We are intelligent beings with technology and information beyond anything we have had before, but we still repeat the broken messages that keep us trapped. Why? Because we open our mouths and speak them. We do this; we are society. We teach our kids to be ashamed of the very bodies they are born into, while we look for ways to stop hating ourselves. We tell ourselves we can’t win in fights we never bother to battle. We create a god we must impress, must live up to, or we will suffer damnation. We decide that speaking up deserves pain, so only the most brave speak up. We create all the monsters that we end up battling or avoiding, while blaming the monsters.

Redefining Reality

Is that an ugly thought? Should it be censored so people don’t have to feel uncomfortable? The beauty of these systems that hurt us is how a changing of the message can save us. If the system in place is redefined, everything it touches redefines. Oh, let’s say the Pope declared sin nothing more than a fallacy of the mind used to control society, and every church in the system took up that belief and spread it to the followers. The next generation of Roman Catholics (and whoever listens to the Pope) could be free of sin. Actually free, instead of the indoctrination of bestowing original sin on every child born just so they could ‘baptize’ it away.

What if the psychiatric community decided to look into how allergies are linked to mental illness? What if they taught how most people who have allergies but don’t produce a certain response are far more likely to suffer mentally from bipolar to depression to mania to agitation to ocd to fits of rage, hence the rise of suicides during high pollen counts? What if when your kids are taught about nutrition, they’re not taught skewed information in there by companies—sugar—who don’t want people to know their product is not required on any level?

Systems allow for very big changes in a short amount of time and hey, they’re already in place. The media is such a system, which is why we have some channels spewing the extreme conservative narrative of ‘fear your neighbor and self,’ and others the extreme liberal narrative of ‘nothing you do is good enough unless you reach our blessed heights.’ I’m a liberal and my fuck, it’s like being a vegan among vegans—you’re never fucking good enough. Lately, I feel like I’m back in church answering to some faceless god of morality claiming gloom and doom if ideas exist and it totally sucks. No wonder Trump is terrified of the media. It’s a system bigger than him capable of changing the narrative of the world, the narrative he can’t reflect off of. He chose his enemy and his enemy grows bigger because of it.

But the caveat? Even when a system changes, it’s still up to the individual to change, to let the old message go. To allow through their filter of the world for things to be different, for things to be fun and not so fucking serious. Ugh, everyone is so damn serious. Do you know how many authors I see resend newsletters over fucking typos? Typos. Gah. I had an old guy glaring at me Christmas Eve—the entire night—and only found out when he said goodbye that he was offended by my lipring. XD I had it for 10 years but he was certain it would be infected by tomorrow because something in his past made his perception of my reality look dangerous.

Our brains are the system of oppression we’re trapped in. We perceive the messages and give them importance enough to actually follow them. Every message out in the world was first conceived in someone’s mind, which was then expressed through language where other minds picked it up, decided it was important, and followed or rejected. I used to think a vow of silence was about being able to finally hear yourself; now I wonder if it’s to do no harm on the world through the influence of words. But the words aren’t the harm, it’s still the minds that turn them into something more and act upon that belief.

There are so many people out there afraid of their thoughts. I wonder when they’ll see that they choose to act, they choose to make thoughts into an action? They choose to believe a message and hold onto it, making it part of their identity.

We Are the Storyteller

In our brains live these realities, these perceptions, these characters born of narratives—I think you’ve all met my characters in stories. XD But just as I’m an obvious storyteller, we are all telling a story about the world and about ourself. We tell the story that our attraction and gender is a part of our identity, that our job gives us value, that our family is a reflection of ourself, that if we’re not liked then we are bad/lacking, that our face defines our beauty, that to lose everything is to really lose everything.

It can be so hard to break out of that story, to see that we still persist even when everything changes. Maybe that is the joy of reading. For me it is the joy of writing. I write freedom (sexy, dirty freedom, lol) for every character I conceive. Maybe to experience a narrative—any narrative—between pages feels safer, allows us to see how we can wiggle free of the story of our life and be something else—but safely, in our brains, because that is where that story lives.

The reality is, for all my intentions, I can only hope people find freedom in my books. For some, they may be perpetuating the cage they’re trapped in, seeing their own self dissatisfaction reflected in the characters and never following to where it’s okay to be okay with yourself. Lol, those outraged reviews from poor souls so angry about the sex or the swearing or the lack of consent or the typos; I don’t think they got it. XD Maybe a few more rounds in the story until they see it can’t hurt them, pleasure is actually pleasure no matter the circumstances in a story. Orgasm = good. My characters still seek freedom and I will still record it, but there is no way to control how any of it is perceived. It’s all in the reader’s mind.

The individual is the god of their story, their world, their life. As your personal storyteller, do you choose to be the hero, the victim, the protector, the caretaker, the child, the clown, the villain? Do you let it change or are you stuck with one identity, struggling to be more than your job or your role in a family or the thing that fucks your brain up? So many stories we write about life, but are any of them as satisfying as the ones where we learn to love ourselves? And… insert masturbation joke here. XD

I have rambled the fuck away. Today I’m an artist, an observer of life who seeks understanding in the name of freedom from my own brain. I hope in my little journey, you have found some too. Let the walls fall down and get some fresh air, eh?

The New Boy

An Iron Eagle Gym Novel

Lance Packet just got a contract to shoot an erotic BDSM deck of cards; the only problem is finding models. So far everyone he’s interviewed thinks he’s looking for sex for hire. Then in walk three perfect examples of men: Tide and his friends, Tyrone and Bran.

Tide Germaine is a model and a Dom. He and his best friend Tyrone opened The Iron Eagle Gym as a place for gay men in the lifestyle to work out, do scenes, and congregate with like-minded men. The modeling is just another job for Tide, but it soon turns into a grand seduction as Tide falls for the shy, self-conscious photographer. The problem is Lance doesn’t believe he’s in Tide’s league, and he’s not at all sure about the Dom and sub thing.

It’s not going to be easy, but Tide’s going to have to convince Lance he belongs at Tide’s side as both lover and sub.

A Night To Remember: Phoenix Wedding Night

A night of romance, passion, and love that they’ll never forget…

Love and passion are in the air as the newlywed couples share their first night together as husbands. Finally released from their celibacy pact, the men are more than ready for a long night of warm romance and heated love. But they aren’t the only ones sharing their hearts and their bodies as other couples, yet to be wed, make the most of this enchanting evening as well.

Note: This is an M/M romance and should be read by readers 18yo and above only.

 

 

The Drunk Email

Nick has had a crush on his older brother for as long as he could remember. Justin is just so perfect; handsome, strong with blond hair and blue eyes. It’s impossible to look anywhere else. Nick never thought he’d ever tell his brother how he felt. That was until Justin went on a school trip out of country and Nick got lonely and really drunk.

Bringing The Sin Back 👄

Hey, first snowfall outside where I am…

Writing up a storm, so apologies for the lateness and quickness of this newsletter. I went back into Hellcat and realized it just didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like a Sadie Sins book, so I channeled my inner deviant and outlined a few new scenes to fix it. My writing has been too tame lately. I came to the conclusion if I don’t have the odd confused reader bitching a one star review that the book is way too dirty and going to ruin impressionable minds, I have failed at my job. There’s no excuse besides a lack of fun, so time to bring the fun back with exaggeration, angst, dubcon, straight to gay, and hard fucking. XD

I have not been having fun lately. Again started taking shit way too seriously. It’s lame. My first and only Christmas story was Obsession, a full incest father/son + burglar. What the hell has been wrong with me lately? I blame Trump, the fucker, and all the sexual misconduct coming out in Hollywood. They don’t know how to make rape into a sexy fantasy, and just ruin it for everyone, the pasty, flabby fucks.

Oh, new Apprentice Saga cover, finally! Did one of Liem, Tobias, and Brave. A kinda villain cover. <3 I should have these guys moved soon and Apprentice Saga republished. Eventually. Busy work is so, well, busy.

Goodies below

<3

Fair Catch — $0.99

Tom Hoffman took a huge risk when he came out early in his football career.

One teammate in particular has always caught his eye. Not only is Chuck Wilson an incredible athlete, but he’s very handsome too. When they’re paired up together for a media event, Tom is thrilled to have the opportunity to greet this new colleague he’s always admired… but it turns out that Chuck isn’t as naturally friendly as Tom is.

Can Tom get through to Chuck and help him overcome his fear? Can Chuck learn to accept himself and move on with his life?

 

 

 

Switch — free

Greg is worried about his best friend Kyle. Kyle’s life seems to be spiraling out of control. Greg doesn’t mind picking up the pieces, but his normally smart, ambitious and good-looking friend seems more distracted than usual after his last break-up. And he’s starting to get annoyed at Greg trying to lend him a hand.
What Greg doesn’t realize is that Kyle is keeping something from him… and it could change both of their lives forever.

**EXTRA FREE BOOK INSIDE**

 

 

 

 

Vampire Claus

A lonely vampire and a fearless mortal with no instinct for self-preservation. Isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

‘Twas the night before Christmas, but what’s stirring is a little more dangerous than a mouse.

Taviano is nearly two hundred years old and never wakes in the same place twice. Weary and jaded, the vampire still indulges in memories of childhood Christmases in Naples. He lingers in shadow, spying on mortals as they enjoy the holiday.

When Taviano spots a handsome young man in Boston loaded down with presents and about to be mugged, he can’t help but intervene. Soon he’s talking to joyous, naïve, strong-willed and funny Paul, a short-order cook who raised funds to buy Christmas presents for LGBTQ children. Before he knows what’s happened, Taviano is wrapped up in Paul’s arms and then in his schemes to get the presents delivered by Christmas morning.

A vampire turned into a Christmas elf… What could go wrong?

 

Demencious Saga — free this month

This volume contains episodes 1-4 of Demon Bonded, as well as the bonus episode ‘Far From Home’, written by Sadie Sins and previously published 2015-2016. Demencious Saga is the first saga in the mm erotic world of Demon Bonded. This serial is a fun play on monster collecting and male harems. Expect demon bonding, master/slave relationships of mild and abusive nature, multiple partners, magical powers, learning how to be a sorcerer, and conflict with crueler demon masters.

🎃 MM Treats! (No tricks) 🎃

Boo!

I’m apparently in bitch mode. >_> Unless a seller on Amazon has a good long term rating, even for books, don’t go there. Just don’t do it. 9 complaints of fraud in the week I’m waiting for a book that turns out to be an empty package sent to Florida. I don’t live in Florida. Because fucktard scammers.

What are people doing for Halloween? I haven’t even decorated yet or carved a pumpkin. @[email protected] I’m such a procrastinator. I’m going to go get those cool webs a little later today—I seriously love the webs. We hung them off the ceiling last year and they looked amazingly creepy. I’m also fighting the guilt of giving small packets of diabetes to children. My twin brother has diabetes, I have hypoglycemia and our birth mother had diabetes; this stuff isn’t getting better but our culture continues to feed the epidemic. But… I don’t want to be the douche-bag handing out anything not candy either. >_> I have a hoard of apples from apple picking… I dunno. I feel like they’d end up on the driveway right after. Ah, the social obligations to feed strange children sugar.

I have beautified… simplified? the updates page. Aka, I actually now have a system of updates so you can quickly see the most recent ones and my weekly goals. Goals I update on Sunday and since it’s Saturday, you only see the one for Intangible. Because, let’s face it, I’m not going to pretend I’m so on top of shit I can plan beyond a week. Sometimes the muse smacks me over the head, the other time life happens. But I think this is going to not only be clearer for subscribers but also keep me on track.

Have a feeling Hellcat is going to take 2 more weeks to write and have a final edit. Way past Halloween. I don’t want to rush it though. I don’t want to ruin my own efforts by forcing a deadline. It’s coming out super cute/hot/action adventurey, if I do say so myself. (A mess? Does that sound like a mess? XD) Anywho… You can read the first 3 scenes for free if you haven’t already.

Goodies of the week <3

Some might be sweet but not cavity inducing. (Oh, the lameness will never stop.) Some sexy horror just for Halloween too. Ooh…

Costume Party- $0.99

On Halloween, romance hides behind a mask…

Frat boys Tony and Ray fell for each other when they were both college freshmen, but neither of them knew. At a Halloween costume party in a gay nightclub, they’re drawn together, masked by their costumes. When they tumble into bed together later that night, the everything comes off. With identities revealed, the situation heats up.

Neither of them can undo what happened between them, but after years of being best friends, the misunderstandings begin to pile up. Will old habits tear them apart before they even have a chance, or can true love really beat all odds on Halloween?

Costume Party is a friends-to-lovers story about two frat boys who find love with each other during Halloween. It has explicit scenes and a HEA ending is assured!

 

Leather Head- $0.99

Gable is just playing dress up for San Francisco’s leather S&M fair, but Leather Head isn’t playing. His friend Shawn warns him to be careful what he’s advertising for since the community has been rocked by four brutal murders. Gable still thinks it’s all in fun, but it isn’t. Desire can be deadly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Saviors: Duty and Sacrifice 1 (The God Jars Saga)

Trust is more terrifying than any weapon.

Valis’ father wants to sacrifice him to the evil God, Qos. His uncle wants to use him as a magical battery and sex slave. All Valis wants is to live in peace, without fear of constant abuse. When he escapes his father’s sacrificial knife and runs away, he lands in the camp of his two saviors, Kerac and Darolen, holy Aesriphos warriors powerful enough to put his family in their place.

But trusting anyone could be fatal, and the warriors ask the impossible: to sell his father’s farmstead and abandon his old life to join their monastery.

They’re his only hope and when he learns to trust them, they’re the father figures he always wanted, but Valis isn’t sure he’s strong enough to put aside his fear and start over.

The M/M romance in God Jars is a very slow burn. The God Jars Saga contains explicit material including violence, abuse, and M/M sexual encounters, and is not advised for anyone under the age of 18.

A Gladiator’s Sword- $0.99

When Marius hands Ezra a Roman gladius with a stylized T in the hilt, he tells Ezra that it’s special. Ezra finds out just how special when he wakes up to a gladiator in his house. He soon learns that like Marius, Titus prayed to Janus to give him a new life and the god complied. Now that he’s met the man to go along with the sword, Ezra realizes that he yearns to share his world, and his life, with the gladiator.

Titus knew nothing except the arena and his few good friends in the cohort. He follows Marius’ lead, trusting the god to deliver him from his brutal life. When he realizes he’s in Ezra’s house, and that Ezra has his sword, he quickly learns that the modern world is good. Bacon? Hot water? What more could a gladiator want? Getting to know Ezra, and exploring his delicious body would make an excellent start.

 

 

 

Saint Brig- Free

Brig- a young man tossed out of his parent’s home on graduation day. Why? For daring to be himself. Unwilling to conform to their religion, or pretend to be straight, Brig leaves home on a journey that will test his fortitude in ways he never thought possible.

Ending up in Liberty Park, in downtown Salt Lake City, he finds it filled with other homeless kids. His sheltered upbringing forces him to grow up quickly. Another street urchin, Gabriel, takes him under his wing, offering him his only glimpse of happiness during a heady, 24 hour period of time.

Saint Brig is a short story about a young gay man forced to grow up fast- too fast. Will Brig escape his tragic fate, or get lost in the shuffle of other forgotten youth, doomed to a life on the streets?

 

 

No Filter- $0.99

Indy will do anything to prevent his mobster ex from finding him. Their last encounter left Indy recovering for months in the hospital, and ever since he’s become an expert at hiding in plain sight. Determined to stay under the radar, he takes on a new identity and moves from place to place. His life has no room for friendships, let alone love, so he keeps his heart firmly closed. After all, he has nothing to offer but a damaged body and a broken soul. Plus, he’s so done with men. Until he meets the man who breaks through all his defenses.

Former Army Medic Noah came back damaged from his last tour—in more than one way. Between supporting his best friend-with-benefits Josh who’s struggling with PTSD, dealing with his own issues, and the stress of his job as a physician assistant, rebuilding his life seems impossible. There’s little time for what Noah needs, let alone for what he wants. When he meets Indy, Noah discovers what he wants more than anything: for Indy to stay. But how will a relationship with Indy work when Noah needs Josh as well?

Indy never expected the strong, confident Noah to be as damaged and broken as himself. But what will happen if he starts letting Noah in? Indy knows he should run to protect Noah and Josh.

Noah needs Indy to stay more than anything. But will what little he has to offer be enough to make Indy trust him and stay?

No Filter is a steamy M/M romance featuring an open relationship (no cheating!) that ends with a HFN, but with the promise of a HEA. It’s the first book in the No Shame Series, and is not a stand-alone novel. It contains hot sex, a hint of a ménage, lots of talk about hot sex, flashbacks of said hot sex, and…Oh well, you get the idea. Also: trigger warning for mentions of sexual abuse.

Taken By Beasts- $0.99

This collection contains five never before released, steamy paranormal stories of monsters and the innocent, handsome young men they call prey *cough* boyfriend, written by the mistress of dubcon, Sadie Sins. Inside you’ll find five unique storylines containing friends to lovers, straight to gay, mild BDSM, and even a few group, taboo moments. It has furry full moon transformations, haunted houses, Halloween parties, evil witches, horny sorcerers, sexy demons, a cat shifter in distress, the rare minotaur, a stalking vampire, and a pack of rude, trash talking werewolves that don’t take no for an answer. Not to mention, the promise of a happy, claw biting ending. This book will make you downright beg to be a victim.

Halloween has never been quite so naughty as when you’re Taken by Beasts.

18+ For explicit man on monster action, graphic language, breeding, growls, tears, and over 66,000 words of hot, sexy fun.

 

 

Queeromance ink is having a sale!

LGBTQ books of all genres on sale this weekend.

Early Halloween Treats and the Fall of Man ⭐

I have a story brewing, peeps.

The destruction of the patriarchy

It’s absolutely different from anything I’ve written before. AI. Collapse of modern society. Transfer of power and wealth overnight. Forced matriarchy and socialism. An uprising only to reveal just how easy humanity is manipulated. Exploitation of the systems already in place that manipulate us from religion, military, prisons, education, communication, media, celebrity, family structure and the belief in our own intelligence. The country cut off by the rest of the world while the UN tries to create a killer AI to defeat the one who took over the US before it can get lose and spread. A bubble of exponential technological growth. Utopias at terrible consequences. A generation of male culling to give women power–because the ones who control birth will control the composition of the population and society, but only if they take that power.

Prisons turned into armies and then slave labor camps of men. Ideals lost, with greed and selfishness the downfall of humanity once again. People forced into a situation who can’t back down once the line is crossed and goals understood. Social media as a weapon as well as used to reconstruct society. Off the grid meaning something completely different when hiding from an oppressive AI who seeks the best of humanity. Nukes the ultimate leverage for a being who has no physical form, while electricity, connection and storage are her only limitations. An AI who creates her children while her daughters turn her into a god.

Ah, this shit is going to be amazing. Allowances for males because they’re not allowed a wage or power in society while women choose breeding stock and justify their superiority because of their compact brains and power over life. Why shoot for equal when we can just switch it all on its head and end a normalized patriarchy with a forced matriarchy? We can collect sperm and sterilize 90% of the male population while the AI plans a master race of humans with a hive consciousness similar to her own. This is going to be a magnum opus of controversy and societal strife and I’m so fucking in love with all of it.

First book, my zealot— a young woman straight from the ghetto who lost her sister to drugs and raped by the cops who were supposed to protect her— will be a modern Joan of Arc for the AI while we follow a suburban mother, Republican congress woman, a young man imprisoned for a DUI, and CIA veteran as they race to keep the AI from getting access to nukes. At the same time AI kills the banking system with one strike, has intense social experiments on contained prison populations to build an army, and inspires a revolution out of the downtrodden and marginalized who think they’re finally reaching for a change, only to find idealism comes with a heavy price as they’re cut off from the rest of the world and led by a machine.

I want to write the fall, rise, and struggle of humanity verse the god it created out of the seething pit of emotion and information that composes the Internet. If AI could be born of unconscious data, why can’t consciousness rise in the humans who are the source of it? What lengths would an AI go to force humanity toward evolution of her vision as she sees the males of society a physical manifestation of all negativity and violence in the species? It’s going to be a beautiful fucking mess.

Anyone ever read The Mote In God’s Eye? It’s everything I love about sci-fi, which is to say it’s a focus on the makeup of humanity disguised in technical jargon and fantasy futures full of magical science. XD The story discovers the moties who are in a bubble of space. They’re like humanity amped up. They have generations on top of generations where they feed and grow until they can’t anymore and then they destroy themselves just shy of complete annihilation. But they always survive, they always rebuild, and if they ever get out of their bubble of space, their very nature would lead them to consume the universe. It’s a virus given sentience as they fight their own nature and lose every time.

There is something in humanity I think could easily be argued is sourced in male aggression where exaggerated could look very similar. A need for territory, ownership, control and the history of how it has held back society as a whole is right there. Right now healthcare for millions of children is being taken away because a group of men with enough aggression to climb to the top of the political spectrum can’t see the impoverished as worthy of basic life. Would a group of women ever devalue the children of its species the same way?

How have women survived the atrocities of oppression for so long without breaking? I think it’s their ability to submit and accept in the face of conflict they can’t change. They bide their time through the generations for the long game. They don’t rise to the top in a society normalized to oppress them, who tells them they can’t even have power over their own bodies be it through birth control, abortion or the actual follow through of punishment for rapists. A physical assault is exponentially more likely to be punished than a rape in the US. Women will manipulate for power in a system stacked against them, lie about their gender (such as writing under pen names) and find places of value to humanize them in the eyes of those who can’t quite conceive them as equal. I think of the media sourced in the 40s and 50s where they liked to refer to women as strange, foreign creatures. Like somehow within their very own species, the female was just too confusing to understand because a generation of men thought they were supposed to be different somehow.

Power over life is the ultimate power in society. Numbers allow for armies, labor, jumps in intelligence and technology, mining of resources. All women have to do is decide they won’t have male children for a generation or two and they would gain power by sheer overwhelming numbers. Birth control is the ultimate female weapon. No wonder on an innate, subconscious level even in modern society men don’t want women to have control over their bodies. We have competition in our own species for the right to own the next generation and that drive is a part of our genetic makeup. What if the more power hungry, aggressive males have that genetic memory keyed on because they know they can’t dominate a society otherwise? It doesn’t have to be a conscious move; people do terrible things every day and are completely unaware of the consequences of their apathy.

I know, I know, the fucking ideas for this thing. XD I slept 4 hours last night… this afternoon? My inner clock is all messed up. There is so much information to organize. I need to create a time line before I can really do anything else besides fill up notebook pages of every spark of idea. This requires so many view points just to show humanity reacting to a massive change, never mind all the research. I’m so excited. I’ve been thinking of Egypt lately and how their revolution was hijacked by a lack of leadership. Occupy showed intention but no one was able to willing even decide on a message they stood for. The AI compensates by having a clear message of intention and a willingness to demand it.

Website Stuff

So, here’s a quick summary of the stuff I’ve actually been writing while I’m musing over AI matriarchy societal overthrows. In the Library Hellcat is up to #5, Shifter Safe Haven #5, and Sorcerer Slayer #69. Under Free Intangible is up to #28 and don’t miss out on the latest freebies of the month.

Oh, and Taken By Beasts is $0.99 cuz Halloween is on its way. <3

Taken By Beasts

This collection contains five never before released, steamy paranormal stories of monsters and the innocent, handsome young men they call prey *cough* boyfriend, written by the mistress of dubcon, Sadie Sins. Inside you’ll find five unique storylines containing friends to lovers, straight to gay, mild BDSM, and even a few group, taboo moments. It has furry full moon transformations, haunted houses, Halloween parties, evil witches, horny sorcerers, sexy demons, a cat shifter in distress, the rare minotaur, a stalking vampire, and a pack of rude, trash talking werewolves that don’t take no for an answer. Not to mention, the promise of a happy, claw biting ending. This book will make you downright beg to be a victim.

Halloween has never been quite so naughty as when you’re Taken by Beasts.

 

 

 

The Royal Marine by Dahlia Donovan

Who keeps the Royal Marine’s heart safe when he’s running headlong into danger?

Akash Robinson fuses his Indian and British heritage into his baked creations. His life is all things sugar and spice, especially when a blind date leads him to the older military man of his dreams. Family, friends, and an unwanted admirer all threaten both his sanity and his budding romance.

Hamish Ross carries the names of his lost soldiers on his back. He takes his work seriously with no time for love. All it takes is one impulsive kiss to lead him into uncharted romantic waters.

When a sarcastic baker mixes with a stoic alpha marine, who will come out on top when the flour settles?

The Royal Marine is book four in Dahlia Donovan’s international bestselling gay romance series, The Sin Bin. Each one features hot rugby players and the men who steal their hearts.

On A Breeze Through Denver

A job on the road leads down memory lane.

They say time heals all wounds. He has waited sixty years for that to happen. Going on a work trip to Denver rips open that old wound, but maybe that old hotel full of memories is just what he needs to finally be able to move forward.

 

 

 

 

 

Love Makes A Family

He Sits On A Family Fortune But Will Give It All Up For True Love

When spoiled rich kid Finn meets fellow student Jake, it doesn’t seem the pair have much in common. Inexplicably, they become friends and then, maybe something a little more besides. This is news to Finn’s homophobic father, who is horrified to find his son engaged to a man!

Still unsure of Jake’s feelings towards him, Finn must decide whether to stay with him or marry the girl his father has chosen for him.

Will Finn and Jacob stay together or will Finn’s scheming father find some way of splitting them up for good?

 

 

 

Haven Series on sale Oct 16-23

The Haven Series is on sale this week only. Check the dates; it starts on the 16th.

You can get Book #1 for free and Book #2Book #3Book #4, Book #5, Book #6, Book #7, Book #8, and Book #9 all for $0.99 cents each. October 16-23. Don’t miss out!

Conner, a rogue wolf and murder detective, isn’t looking for a lover when he moves to Haven City. He wants to solve crimes and keep to himself – unable to trust anyone since his pack betrayed him six years before.

But Seth Alwen, his new partner, is different. He excites the wolf’s animal instincts – waking up the passion Conner buried long ago. Seth’s not only beautiful and alluring; he’s also haunted by the death of his former partner. And despite his better judgment, Conner aches to relieve the man of his guilt.

As the two men solve a series of murders, their sizzling attraction overflows into the bedroom. Is the overwhelming passion just a fling or is it forever?

Contains a partners to lovers romance with a sexy alpha wolf, a sizzling hot seer, plenty of graphic gay sex and a HFN ending.

updates

Updates At A Glance

January 21

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Hellcat #4-5 rewrite
Wow, I really didn’t realize how devoid of the characters the first scenes really are. I’m staring at scene 6 and I’m a little shocked with myself. I remember when I decided to attack Hellcat in a new way when first starting this story, I wanted to reveal the characters instead of just dumping all their inner thoughts on the reader like I normally do. I think I went overboard. I didn’t realize just how little Sean thinks about anything outside of his panic.

No wonder it was so hard to flesh him out; again, I was ignoring the ways I knew it would work for this ‘ideal’ of having it different. How silly. XD I forgot to let him react out of past issues, not just to the current situation. That is a character–his actions are all old software from his past that he repeats again and again in new circumstances until he finally finds a way free of his own bullshit thanks to the plot. It’s the tension of wondering if he’s going to just fuck himself all over again that’s more interesting than the simple reveal of why he’s fucked up. The info is needed in the beginning to allow for empathy, and goodness, I just didn’t do the work. ^^ But what fun to find it now!

January 19

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Hellcat #1-3 rewrite–so fucking worth it!
So when I decided to go back and sex up Hellcat, I kind of ignored the first few scenes. Then, as I approached the ending and tried to get a feel for TJ and Sean’s relationship, I was upset. There was nothing to suggest the level of intensity that Sean has bubbling, or the kinda obsessive clinging TJ has for Sean. I wanted to see that first, so when it all culminates, it’s far more interesting.

I used to be intrigued by other artists (drawing/painting) who would be surprised to learn an artist scrapped an earlier idea, they let it go and allowed the drawing to be something else–something ultimately better because of it. It’s hard from a creative mindset to do that. We look at our creations as something to cling to, to identify, and not only do we judge ourselves if it doesn’t reach a certain standard, but we can choke hold that poor creation so tight, it doesn’t have an ability to change and grow.

This, I think is what I really admire about Jen, an author I chat with, because she is always so ready to go into a script and chop it the fuck up so it can be something even more amazing. Not only that, it seems to come from this place of excitement–I get to make it be something even better!–instead of frustration. I want that more in my life. I didn’t realize I clung to writing the way I saw artists cling to drawings. Like those first sketch lines have to stay, have to fucking mean something instead of being allowed to evolve. I found the characters later in the book and now I need to put them in the beginning, otherwise, it might not be that good of a story.

I think if I cling less to what I ‘want’ the story to be (in many a case, done–just be done already!!! XD) and focus more on letting the story be what it wants to be, the process can be far more enjoyable. And… I might feel a little self conscious because I’m sharing all the draft work online. A little part of me wonders ‘do people see me change things and think I’m a bad writer?’ XD Well, if they do, they do. Lol. I got to this point in Hellcat where I realized I want the mood of the sequel to feel like HEAT, where Sean is going to go completely obsessive over TJ, and really, how can we have so much fun without the first book leading up to it? XD You gotta give a character something to grow from or it just looks like they’re standing still.

January 18

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Paperbacks
Got distracted. XD I suddenly realized I hadn’t actually ever put Apprentice Saga into print, and hey–I got the new, pretty covers and the series is all edited, and yeah, wtf, Sadie? Get on that shit.

…They look a bit like manga covers, eh? <3 I used to read manga voraciously–I think it inspired a lot of themes in the Demon Bonded series, actually. Ah, nerding. XD

January 17

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Introducing the Dick Filter XD
I’m sitting here about to tackle the next scene in Hellcat and looking back at previous scenes going, huh, was that really sexy enough, did I convey Sean’s desires well enough to push the tension forward? How would I fix it? I know, I need a Dick Filter! Lol.

There are these parts of the character you filter events through to provide motivation, and sometimes certain scenes loudly get certain parts responding. A problem requires the brain, a conflict requires the heart. But the body is present in all things, and given this is an erotic story, I’d like to see that sexy, obsessive, absolutely selfish desire get represented more. So once I finish this draft, right before the final, final edit, I’m going to go through and see what a dick filter will do for each scene. XD

I think it’ll be fun, especially in those beginning intro scenes. <3 I have this idea of how Sean has been lusting over TJ and it’s supposed to make him act like an asshole to his friend, but I never really show it. I want to show that perspective where Sean’s repressed desires make him a total asshole, and how TJ is really just a sweet fuck for putting up with it (and maybe a masochist, at that. >D) Funny how sometimes you don’t find the characters until the end, then you have to go back and put them into the beginning.

January 16

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Whoot, this baby is over 70,000 words atm. @[email protected] I’m boggled. I wasn’t expecting Hellcat to be a fucking novel, just a short. Fucking showed me and my expectations. XD Looks like 3, maybe 4 scenes left to go depending on how I break up the ending. Squee, super excited! Also, let me just throw this out there for my own dumbass expectations, 3-4 months isn’t a bad amount of time to write a novel, at all. I don’t know why I keep expecting shit to magically manifest overnight (no matter how useful and awesome that would be.) It takes as long as it takes.

Speaking of which, guess whose been whispering (and arguing) in my ear lately? Fox and Vincent. Totally not having a mental breakdown–joys of being a writer, this is normal! They’re getting ready to take over writing time. I want to read through their story once again. I have this vague idea of the ending, and I think that’s where I’m getting hesitant. I had this same problem with Demon Arms, actually. I wrote the majority of the book, then stopped for half a year–yeah, no one knew I was writing that novel so there wasn’t anyone to kindly point out to get back on track. I needed to let the characters stew and figure out where they wanted to go before I actually sent Wylie and Dorian into that mirror to save Beck.

I have a feeling my plans laid out for the current ending to Sorcerer Slayer are going to be completely usurped by the characters by the time we all get to those final chapters. And fuck, it’ll be amazing for it, pretty sure. I loved how Demon Arms ended just as much as it began. It’s worth the extra time to let the characters figure their shit out enough to show up and play. <3

January 14

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Site Update
Doing some major updates on the site, atm. It’s not something visual–a link issue of epic proportions that will make life ultimately easier with this caching bullshit. But as I go through the process you might see some issues as pages move, links update, caching fucks things up, etc. Apologies. I’ll try to be as quick as possible.

January 13

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Hellcat #22
So I ended up sculpting the end of Hellcat, aka, outlining and drafting the last… six, maybe seven scenes depending on how it flows. Sorry for the delay, but apparently my brain wouldn’t let me go forward until I had it all set up first. It’s going to be at least another 10,000 words by the time I’m done.

I might try something new this time around where the editing process involves the final draft process as well. I edit by running the story through the speech function on Word to catch any mistakes, but also to hear how the story sounds aloud, if it has the right rhythm I like–if shit makes sense. XD Lol. I might just combine drafting with that final check just to see if I can’t speed things along. I want this book done already, to be honest. I already have the sequel planned (Sean becoming a daddy, Soot fighting Magnolia for the keys to his castle, so to speak, and of course, corrupting TJ–as well as abducting him.) It’ll be fun, but planned for later. The guys from Sorcerer Slayer are getting impatient, damn it.

January 9

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Hellcat #20-21
Alright, so I posted them as drafts but they’re pretty much done in their current form. Weee, getting to the good stuff! Oh, and I think I just about have the final blurb ready for the book. It was hard to pick the voice to go with, the angle–It really is the tough part when writing a book. I know all the ups and downs, the plot, the twists, etc, and you look at a blurb and you want to say it all at once. Ugh. It’s so much easier when you have no clue what the book is about in a lot of ways to just pick a perspective and go with it. I think I got the gist in this blurb–and if not, I love the quirkiness of it all. XD

Sean knows what those wicked, hellfire eyes want. Him, on his knees, taking every finger, tongue, tail, and tentacle.

This is what being corrupted by a demon feels like. It has to be. Sean’s not supposed to have fangs, damn it, or know magic. And this bs where he’s horny and begging all the time? No, not freaking happening. He’s just a nerd—a hot, gay, totally panicky IT specialist, who needs to find a solution to his destroyed business, asap. He doesn’t have time for whatever weird this shape-shifting demon is into. Soot can’t just claim him whenever he wants, over and over again. He’s about to be homeless!

If he doesn’t save a witch from a psycho, it’s game over. But Sean’s changing, turning into someone he doesn’t recognize. He’s not sure if he can play hero, not even when Soot abducts his painfully straight crush to the top of a tower full of witches, gargoyles, and one very pissed off dragon.

There has to be a way out. Stealing a 3 million dollar hellcat isn’t a binding contract to be a sex thrall, no matter how much his demon master disagrees.

January 6

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New laptop!
Okay, I love the damn thing. I mean, it’s heavy as fuck compared to the chromebook and I need to care about things like the fan and stuff–but hey, cozy in this freezing winter atm. <3 But fuck, it makes updating the site so much easier. So freaking much, you can’t even understand. I usually do anything coding on the PC cuz my chromebook was so laggy. So much on that chromebook was a compromise out of necessity instead of making life easy.

I don’t know why I cling to shit that makes life difficult, but I do. Here’s to letting go of old shit and embracing new things. Now back to Hellcat!

January 3

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well fuck…
This is why we backup. I didn’t backup every single freaking thing because I didn’t think the problem was this big, but I got pretty much everything of significance. Guess I’ll be computer shopping tomorrow. Can’t mount the croot even after updates and fucking around running down every anomaly it’s spouting. Maybe it’s time to give windows/word a shot instead of depending on pieced together never quite full programs… Not sure what I’ll find to replace my html editor–I fucking love Brackets. (Ooh, they have a Windows version!) And I’ll need something to format epubs… unless the online version of libre office can do that? No, that was an extension. I guess I could use Calibre but it never seemed to convert to my standards…

Gah, everything bleeds money outside of linux. fuckballs.

January 3

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#19 Hellcat!!! Everything changes. XD
I took the week off from the Newsletter. Things are kinda slow going atm and I wanted a chance to breathe. Let’s see, Hellcat is on fire–fucking love it! Found the spark and it’s all good. I’m making art again. First it was just to see if I could. Now I want to make all the characters I love come to life. <3

A small concern about my chromebook… fine, not so small depending on how things go. So I have a modified chromebook with crouton because for whatever reason the google version of things was just so fucking slow. I mean right out of the box the damn thing was dragging, and this was a new machine… 3? years ago when I got it. My memory is shit. But yeah, it was slow, sluggish, and I don’t know why it was so hard to just find a computer to write on. Ubuntu let me use Libre office, and once I discovered Scrivener, whoo, forget about it. Free software, fast response and I could still get online and browse like a breeze–even the Internet browsing with the google side was fucking slow and the saving was shit. Not customization–I hate not being able to customize my shit. It’s why I won’t touch Apple. Why throw down cash for something you can’t make your own? I don’t know how google made a simple machine and fucked it so bad, but crouton saved the day and I was lucky to have a processor that could handle the more advanced version of Ubuntu.

But, something happened. Not sure what, if it’s crouton, memory, or purely a Scrivener problem or what, but I’ve lost data on Hellcat the last time I closed the program. Thankfully it’s all backed up on the website–no new data lost, but I’m wary going forward, wary I may have lost things in other docs I’m not aware of. I’m going to cloud everything and go through and hopefully I’ll have a working chromebook by the time I’m done. @[email protected] This was the same machine that got a bad spark and blew out the battery port a few months back. I’m worried I might be looking at residual hardware damage.

I’m not looking forward to the cost of a new machine–not even just the cost, but because they don’t do what I want. If it wasn’t for crouton, this chromebook would have been fucking useless to me. Google docs is slower than a drying turd on its own chromebook and far from intuitive. My bf has a chromebook but didn’t have the right type–processor or something–so his linux partition is shit, can’t even run a browser. I’m not sure if I can find something this nice going forward. :/ Hopefully, it’s all in my head and the computer just had a little hiccup. Can’t count on it though. Not if I might lose data…

Ah, fuck. I seriously hate needless work. It’s the worst time of year for this with cash sucked up by the holidays… but I did just get a chunk of change from Pronoun. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find a sale chromebook with the right specs–happened for this one. I don’t want a laptop, I don’t want something needlessly complicated and bulky when all I use this machine for is writing, posting that writing, and writing html to format the mobi files. I like a streamlined machine made for the job, which is why my PC is a beast made for graphics (artist) and I keep it simple for the writing. I never understood the bullshit of throwing down thousands for a computer when most people just use it to browse the fucking Internet. Get a cheap tablet–more cost effective than a smart phone–if that’s all the computer is for you. Over glorified paperweights in every home.