SPEED WRITING EROTICA #1

SKETCH DRAFT

current summary

Feminization, dubcon, noncon

Guy cross dressing in roommates things is discovered by her boyfriend. Boyfriend threatens to blackmail him, tell all about his dirty secret unless he lets him touch him, has him on his knees, sucking him off.

Embarrassed, aroused, mc knows he would have done anything in that moment if the other had asked. But he hadn’t. He had left, telling him to stop fucking around with his gf’s things.

The gf and bf at the apartment together, how fucked up they are. The over drinking she does, the fights, the way she passes out most nights. It’s a week later and they’ve come back from a party where she’s made an ass of herself. The Bf is pissed. Puts her to bed. Mc who is watching tv in the livingroom, gets nervous when the bf sits next to him. They hadn’t talked about it but now that he’s there, biceps, angry, filling the space with his presense, he’s impossible to ignore.

I got something for you.

What?

Giving him a long side look, he gets up with his beer and goes to where he left his jacket, pulling out a plastic bag. Tosses it to mc. Mc opens it, his face going red, heart stuttering in his throat.

Thought that color would be better on you. Pastells really aren’t your thing. Black though… black suits you.

Mc raises his gaze from the lingere, only to get caught in bf’s glare. Thank you.

You should try them on. Make sure they fit.

His heart racing, he nods slowly. Licks his lips and gets up, heading for the bedroom. Bf snags his hand as he passes, mc freezing.

Wear that hot wig. It really suits you.

He had gotten a new one even though he had been too nervous to wear it, too afraid that bf might turn on him and his secret would get out.

Dresses alone, unbearably hard, his mind oddly calm as he puts on the makeup. Pigtails, gothy makeup. Bf knocks on the door.

Yeah?

Can I see?

Steps over, opneing the door, finding him leaning heavily on the frame, beer nearly gone. Bf’s eyes sear into him, moving down his body, drinking him in, lingering on his hard dick jutting from the panties. Black definitely suits you.

It’s beautiful, mc whispers, his fingers teasing at the underwear, bf’s eyes again drawn down to his leeking cock.

Do you have shoes?

Biting his lip, mc nods. He turns, stilling as bf’s hot hand moves over his ass, fingers slowly flattening down the twist in his underwear.

Boots, stilleto, zipping them up while he sits on the bed. Bf is still watching from the doorway, as if afraid to step in too close. He’s half relieved. The man just did something to him, overwhelmed, made his dizzy and feel wild until he couldn’t trust himself.

Your boyfriend going to get upset about this?

What?

Me buying you clothes.

I… I don’t have a boyfriend.

Then your girlfriend. It’ll probably piss her off, right?

Blushing red, he shakes his head, the silky strands covering his ducked face. “I’m not seeing anyone.” Hears bf move, hears the door shut and assumes he’s gone. Except when he looks up, he’s there, leaning on the closed door, eyes blazing as they take him in.

You’re lying. A smoking hot freak like you is single?

Uncertain, his gaze slips to the side. Could you not call me a freak?

Fuck, sure. Apologetic. What do you want me to call you?

Leans back on his arms, daring to glance up at bf through bangs. The man was staring at his cock again, his eyes moving up his bare body, down his thighs and legs, but always coming back to his dick. It made his heart race all the more. My name is fine.

You don’t have a chick name?

Thinks about it, shrugging. I’m not a different person just because I dress like this.

What about ___? It could be a nickname for your real name and it’s still kind of girly.

I’m not a girl.

Do you want to be?

No.

But you like to dress like one.

Yeah.

Why?

Licks lips. I like looking pretty. I like… I like being looked at and knowing men think I’m pretty.

You’re beyond pretty. You’re the sexiest, most gorgeous person I know. Guy or girl.

Blushes, his gaze growing bolder as he looks up through bangs again. Thank you.

Bf pushes himself from the door, leaving his bottle on the dresser. So, you like men?

Yeah.

His fingers fiddle with the mouth of the bottle before turning back towards him and slowly crossing the distance. MC, about what happened last time…

Nervous, hot, half of him wanting to run, watches him approach, feeling trapped, the room small with him there. Yeah.

I don’t think you’re a freak.

Okay.

I, uh, probably shouldn’t have… trails off, eyes sliding down to mc’s cock again. I can make it up to you.

Yeah? His breath is so shallow, he’s half afraid he’s going to faint.

Sure. Bf stops, standing in front of mc’s legs. Gently parts them, mc’s breath hitching, eyes going wide as bf kneels between his stilleto boots. Bf is suddenly beneath his eye level and he has never been so turned on in his entire life.

Have you ever…?

No. Glances down, his hand moving up mc’s smooth thigh, thumb gently pulling down the lace material of his thong panties. I owe you, though. It’s only fair.

He could see the want in bf’s eyes, the way he licks his lips in anticipation.

Bf sucks him off, hesitant, exploring, gentle, so sloppy and dirty as he really gets into it, glancing up from time to time. The power MC feels that his beauty has this guy on his fucking knees, sucking his first dick. Mc is losing it, the man never holding his suction long enough, always bringing him to the edge just to back off. At first he thinks it’s from inexperience but then realizes that’s it’s on purpose, the man clearly trying to drive him fucking crazy as their eyes meet. Wraps fingers in his hair, tugging hard, bf groaning.

The knowledge is too much with the eye contact and he comes, bf choking in surprise, half the cum dribbling down his lips and chin. He goes to wipe it away and mc grabs his hand.

Slides down the bed, landing on his knees with the side of the matress behind him as he licks his tongue out, cleaning the cum from his chin. Bf’s moan is gutteral, crazed, his hands finding his hips and pulling him up tight so that he can feel just how hard he is.

INTRO

goal: 1000 wrds

Intro

HOOK

goal: 1500 wrds

Hook

BUILD UP

goal: 3500 wrds

Build up

PEAK

goal: 3000 wrds

Peak

RESOLUTION

goal: 1000 wrds

Resolution

SPEED WRITING EROTICA #3

SKETCH DRAFT

current summary

Dubcon, Enemies to lovers, Straight to gay, Holiday themed-christmas/new years

Intro character, mall, shopping misery. Has a few friends with, some meeting up. He sees the one that’s trouble, meeting his gaze, feeling uncomfortable. The way he looks at him—like they were fighting or some shit. They didn’t even go to the same school. Pulled away, heading towards the next store, hating the entire situation and wishing Christmas would be done already.

Goes through the people in his life he wants to get gifts for wondering if he really wants to. How superficial it all is. How he never gets them what they want—they’re never happy. He tries to think the last gift that had made him happy. He had been young. His mom had still been alive.

Suddenly feels suffocated and heads for the exit.

The air outside is shocking after the suffocating heat. He’s frustrated, he hasn’t found anything for anyone and he doesn’t want to to go back in. Decides on a small walk, looking up at the sky, trying not to think of why he hates Christmas. Stops as he smells weed, his gaze moving to the side. Dusk is slowly falling but he can see someone standing against the wall near the bushes as he sneaks around the corner, a bud between his lips. Glaring, he noticed pieces of paper falling to the concrete, disappearing behind the bushes at his feet.

Is that yours? He asks, not believe for a second it was __ wallet as more of the contents were dump carelessly to the ground.

What’s it to you? Pinches the end of his bud and sucks a hit, staring at mc with that same intense gaze.

Just wondering how many poor saps got robbed by you tonight. It’s fucking Christmas eve.

Fuck Christmas. You think any of those fuckers are thinking about me and my family tonight? Pulls the cash from the wallet and pockets it, then tosses the leather carelessly to the ground. He holds the bud out to MC, his eyebrow raised inquiringly. Shrugging, MC steps into the hidden alley, the wind dying down, the light dimming. Takes the bud, dragging a deep hit while __ lights it for him. Holds it in, his shoulders slumping as he breathes out and a wave of foggy dizziness hits him. Fuck.

It’s good shit.

Strong.

Gets to a point where __ asks for his wallet. Laughs at him, no way in fuck. He’s not joking, give it up. Ha, you’ve got to be totally stoned to think I’m going to—gasps as he’s pushed up against the wall, __ body pinning him in place.

I’m not kidding around.

MC doesn’t answer, consumed with the feel of __, his strength, his eyes, the fact that he’s getting hard from just having him up against him like this. It was the weed—it always made him horny. Still, never like this. Not over a guy.

Gasps as __ hand reaches into his back pocket, snagging his wallet free.

That wasn’t so hard, was it?

Stare at his wallet that’s flipped open, __ going through it, the boy’s eyes slipping back to his again and again. I’ve still got to go Christmas shopping.

You waited till eve. It’s not like you really give a fuck.

Come on dude—as he takes his cash. That’s like a fucking month at my shitty part time job.

You should be focused on school

Fuck you

Raising a brow, he tucks money and wallet into his pocket, MC watching. You want to see if you can earn it back?

Huh? He was really fucking stoned but still, why should he have to earn his own fucking wallet?

Suck my dick, and I’ll give you your money back.

Laughs awkwardly, swallowing hard when he meets __ eyes. He’s not joking. You’re fucking crazy.

Sure, and you’re totally straight. Grabs his crotch, MC gasping in surprise, only to groan when __ rubs his quickly hardening erection. Fuck.

I want __ to grab his hand and lead it to his dick through his clothes. Eventually unzip and have mc red faced as he’s jerking the boy off, staring at his dick. When he gets close, __ pushed mc down, grabbing him tight by the back of the neck and holding him still as he fucks between his lips roughly. Clutching his thighs, mc gives into it, lips battered, gasping and moaning and so hard he can’t understand it. __ pulls him back, MC whimpering, the boy’s cock pressed to his face right before he comes, streaming all over him. MC comes from it, shaking, falling back against the wall while dripping in __ cum.

INTRO

goal: 1000 wrds

Intro

HOOK

goal: 1500 wrds

Hook

BUILD UP

goal: 3500 wrds

Build up

PEAK

goal: 3000 wrds

Peak

RESOLUTION

goal: 1000 wrds

Resolution

Hey, babes ^^

So let me start by saying I don’t want to craft walls and bars with words so that people feel this is the only reality. This is the difficulty of society—the difficulty of being a storyteller when people reading the story don’t understand reality is not actually confined by our perception of it. We are confined by our perceptions of reality. I’m going to tell a story about how I see parts of reality and why I write what I write. This reality is not shared by everyone—thank fuck—but I’d love to hear your responses. I love to talk about this shit. XD Oh, and fuck, I will be getting back to the comments of last week. I got most of you—I’m so excited you’re excited about the Demon Virus interactive story! I just got caught up in writing and didn’t want to leave. With that out of the way, I love the premise of this book and I want to talk about it! I haven’t read it yet, to be totally upfront. Once Hellcat is done I’m going to indulge in fun, damn it! (and yeah, this kind of reading is totally fun for me and my inner nerd… as is writing… as is writing Hellcat—I’m actually having lots of fun. XD) But just reading the premise, I think you can understand where ‘Sadie Sins’ might be really on board with this whole concept and it has my mind sparking.

Why Straight Guys Love Their Gay Guys: Reviving the Roots of Male Sexuality

After fifty years of progress and the advent of gay marriage, statistics on the well-being of gay men are as grim as ever. Rates of suicide, alcoholism, and drug abuse have not budged. Anxiety, depression, loneliness, and poor health are just as widespread. Studies have shown that gay men who live in urban gay communities actually are worse off, not better. The utopia promised by gay marriage has not materialized. Gay men seem to have run out of ideas for future progress. There is little acknowledgment of the fact that something remains badly wrong. Nor is there a diagnosis of what is wrong. This book proposes that the diagnosis is obvious if we look at the origins of male sexuality and how it was expressed in other cultures. The anti-sex Puritan system in which we are now immersed is relatively recent in human history. Yet in less than 2,000 years, knowledge of how other cultures lived and loved has been systematically wiped out. The forms of male sexuality were remarkably similar from culture to culture. But starting with the early Europeans in the last years of Rome and continuing around the globe as Europeans colonized the continents, natural male sexualities have been cruelly repressed and then obliviated. We are all Puritans now. The greatest taboo of all in male sexuality remains unchallenged and is still heavily enforced. That is the taboo of male-male sex, which until 2003 was still a crime. This book argues that the plight of gay men is only a piece of a much larger catastrophe — the Puritanical repression of the sexualities of all men, in an attempt to harness the enormous power of male sexuality for social purposes in the name of moral progress, with promises of greater glories to be found in heaven. The damage that Puritanism caused to human beings and to stable social systems was never noticed. In fact the damage and misery were regarded as good. It was seen as payback to the devil. This book is not arguing for something new, untested, unknown, and radical. Rather, the challenge is to return to something very old — the joy of male-male sex — which took similar forms in most of the cultures that we have knowledge of. In such worlds, it was understood that some men are more masculine than others, that some men are gayer than others, and that heterosexuality and homosexuality are complementary and of equal value. And those old worlds were worlds in which every gay man was able to take for granted what to us today is the impossible dream — sex with a straight best friend.

The Root of Sin is a Story

This is the root of all my stories, from the dirtiest noncon/dubcon/beast/incest/degradation to the sexy, happy fluff. This is why I write sex, to offer a narrative that to ‘give in’ to your fears and break the societal constructs surrounding sex will allow you to find pleasure instead of the sin. The sin is a lie, it’s something we were taught, not something that exists. But our brains hold power over us, our narratives—the narratives of society, of the casual little phrases we don’t even think about that create the bars to the cage that say sex is bad and wanting sex means you’re bad. That sweat, shit, tears, cum, vomit, urine, blood, flesh, bones—these things that are a part of living in a human body, something every single person on this planet experiences—is on some level bad and offensive. The body must be hidden and those who don’t hide theirs are narcissists, deviants, godless, seducers, sluts, asking to be harmed because to have a body is to deserve to be raped. These are the narratives we hear every day, little stories that filter in and our brains pick up and form a construct of the world around us. This is also the root of censorship—I know, that other thing I love talking about! XD I find censorship extra fascinating because rarely is it just for reality but for imitations of reality. If you’ve been watching news about Trump and his ‘shithole’ comment, I hope you’re laughing as loudly as I am every time a newsperson goes to say the word shithole and instead they say something like “bleephole” or “you-know-what hole” XD OMG. They can’t even quote reality. Someone, somewhere is demanding these people not say certain words, and my fuck, they fucking listen, don’t they? They create a complete construct around avoiding certain mouthsounds, and those who don’t conform are punished. Book censorship of course is just as insane—the belief that an idea is wrong and shouldn’t be allowed to exist or people will be harmed. Sit with that for a bit. Lol. So many people afraid of their brains, claiming their actions are powerless to their thoughts. How easy it would be to justify murder if we truly believed we weren’t responsible for our actions? We thought about killing someone, then we did—blame the thing that gave us the idea, not the choice of committing an action. Society can see how ludicrous that is for murder—usually, don’t get me started on the Stand Your Ground law—but for sex? For an internal desire expressed in the body that our history (and some current cultures) claim is just as atrocious as murder? Far less rational thought occurs when reacting to a societal message of morality.

The Societal System

Society pushes to say ‘don’t accept who you are unless… *insert demand*’ Unless you look a certain way, unless you act a certain way, unless you get that paycheck of a certain amount, unless some god loves you, unless you sacrifice, unless you earned it, unless you prove you’re worthy, unless your parents/teacher/priest/doctor/boss/celebrity/friend/someone approves… unless you’re something else. The message is you aren’t good enough as is; you must be something else and then you will be acceptable and loved. And this isn’t just the big society, that vague ‘them’ that encompasses a state or continent. There are tons of societies from groups of friends, to families, to the workplace, to your singular mind, and in this particular book’s case, the gay community. I fear just the act of placing the gay label is the first step in this slippery slope of crafting cages and demanding of yourself to be something else concerning sexuality. It was in the lesbian scene I saw the most fighting, the most cruelty, the most anger. I met women abused by men who turned to women, only to be abused again. Or to abuse others. To seek drugs, to steal, to break up relationships, to blame others for their actions. Everyone was a hookup instead of a person. Everyone a savior to prove they’re worthy instead of a person. I saw women who demonized men, women who demonized mothers, women who demonized beautiful women—really, just pick a ‘type’ and someone hated them because of how they looked, how they acted, how they existed. I saw so much unhappiness in that place, including the beautiful group of males who crossdressed as females and were so defensive, it felt like I was in a war scene when they stepped off stage and walked through a sea of women and seemed to expect to be attacked/judged/mocked. And given the sea of these hurt women, they might have had experience to feel that way. I saw women who desperately needed to have their peers reflect them so they could see who they were. It was identity through the control of others. Identity through comparing. Identity through reacting. They could only find themselves when interacting with others—others who had to fit their narrative or were punished. And why did those who were hurt by not fitting stay to fit? Because they gained identity by staying, by being labeled. Every person there was there by choice. I can’t speak for gay men in that scene. Why? Because the sexes were segregated when it came to gay and lesbian and the clubs and parties I found myself at. I think part of the whole meat market aspect of that scene was, if you’re not in the market, you’re not welcome. I dunno. Maybe they couldn’t reflect off of such a different looking person—a man—so they kept them away? Maybe what the did reflect pushed them away? I can speculate but I don’t actually know. If I knew there were men out there who hated me just because of my gender the way some of those women hated men (even if those roots were based in abuse,) I probably wouldn’t be in a rush to hang out. XD

A Living Narrative

So, this is a story of the past that doesn't exist anymore. One place in time through the eyes of one curious woman whose brain loves to find patterns in people and understand. These are moments in my life I remember to write the narrative of today--even if today is completely different. And this is part of the problem; we as humans take the past and project it into the future. We decide everything we know makes us a fortune teller. XD During that time I spoke with women who left the scene who confided how painful it had been for them, how insane it was compared to being sexually evolved out in the world. I was still watching the scene trying to understand why everyone seemed to have a prescription or a drug or a trauma they were taking while calling themselves these two dimensional labels and looking to be seen but not really known. I was straight out of the psych ward hanging with a lesbian (who by the time I left was considering identifying as a male) who was fresh out of prison, and I had a bipolar bisexual girlfriend (who called herself a lesbian once she started dating me but nearly married a man right before.) The bubble I was in was real but that doesn’t mean it was the entire view. After the psych ward, where you’re labeled by your brain/behavioral ‘malfunction’—you know, the true way to identify who you are, by the thing that fucks up your life completely and you can never be free of. XD The illness that makes you wrong compared to everyone else; that’s who you are. Sigh. Now that’s a system of suffering that keeps people suffering, and after the psych ward, the scene just seemed all too familiar. You can be sexually free, but only when you label, so make sure you know what your label is and don’t try to change it. We already have identified you by this label and we don’t want to be confused or worse, annoyed. Your sexuality is a judgment on us, especially if you ever fucked us—don’t you dare be bisexual or trans, cus that just confuses the fuck out of us and our sexual identity. It was a beautiful chaos of pain as people tried to discover themselves while stepping on everyone’s toes. As much as they hurt each other, they hurt themselves even more, and the ones who stayed—so many stay until they find what they need—they hurt themselves the most.

Why Do We Do It?

I love people, I truly do. I love their insanity as they claw at themselves demanding the impossible while hoping against hope if they reach that goal, the suffering will finally stop. And while they’re clawing at themselves, they’re screaming at anyone who looks a little like them, demanding the same of them—be perfect, be this, be the thing I need so I can be free already. Hurry the fuck up and be what I want! XD Ah, it’s so powerful, so amazing, so fucking cruel and beautiful and we demand of our loved ones first, don’t we? Those who provide us the most on a material and emotional level we then refuse to allow to be free of our filter. If you change, then who am I? I can look back and see how lost I was when I was this person who needed others to be a certain way so I could feel safe in the world. Err… like a year ago. XD This part is not an old story and she still pops up time to time. What an exhaustion trying to get people to change just so I could calm the fuck down over stupid shit like dishes. And what pain I inflicted on myself with my own demands. Lol, that’s why my writing is so different these last months with less a focus on completion and more on actually writing the story as it wants to be. I finally learned to stop demanding so much of myself, and I’m still learning. A writer can be an ass to herself and decide if editing isn’t perfect, you suck. (whoops.) If that novel isn’t published by the end of the month, you’re a horrible person. And then you can find other writers to agree with that inner bitchy voice. It’s easier to see the interactions with my loved ones and stop, but the pain I commit on myself by having all those inner demands? Whooo, it has taken time. It takes time not to respond to my loved ones when they come to me to identify them. When some days they want to feel weak and helpless in the world and they lash at me to give them the promise that I’m strong enough to carry it all for them, or that I perceive them incapable so they don’t have to try. Sometimes they define me by the mold toxicity so that they can be my hero for a little bit even if it means I can’t be my hero. It’s not a one way street—everyone is in a relationship by choice to gain whatever it is they need. Some people are afraid to move forward and they want someone to point it out to them so that they can tell themselves they don’t have to move forward, they can just be angry at you, bitch. XD Or they ask you for advice, ask you to carry them and do it for them, and when you don’t, ah, what a washing away of responsibility. Such bliss. They don’t have to do it because they handed you the responsibility, and if you don’t do it, oh, well, it gets to slip away and be unimportant, dragged out only during later arguments to ‘win’ in the battle of dominance for the right to narrate the shared story. Lol, it’s beautiful. This could be the pain of the group, of the lgbt community that holds itself back, that demands others be a certain way because they have to be a symbol, a representation of an entire sexual movement. It has to look a certain way, and if you don’t fit you shouldn’t be allowed to exist as you are—change for us so we look the way we should. Freedom to marry doesn’t give you anything when you’re not free to be yourself. It doesn’t change the way you think the world still sees you. It doesn’t change the way you still see yourself. It’s not only straight people who have the ability to judge. I see so many who have struggled to find their sexual identity and they feel threatened by the existence of someone similar but different. I have plenty of gay people still tell me bisexuality isn’t real. Some fear the spectrum because then they don’t know where they fit, who they are without the sexuality label nice and clear. I love writing straight to gay because of this—to show that facing the fear of being different from your self expectations can lead to pleasure. My theme as a writer seems to be submission to inner dark desire=pleasure. XD I knew nothing about bdsm when I started writing erotica—I thought it was a super tacky genre from the few books I read at the time with all their equipment and living in clubs and their silly rules. All I saw was the structure and none of the underlying emotion. Now, after studying the push and pull of the human psyche as it seeks relief in others, I see the struggle of relinquishing to self. So funny, the battle of the ego just looking for an escape to let go, looking for someone to save them because they don’t want to think they have the power. If they have the power, then they’re obligated to change their life, right? No thank you, just hand that over to the guy with the whip. XD Keep the changes in a safe place, one room, one little therapeutic dose of giving away control, giving in to desire without fear of consequence in the real world. A structured fantasy with the only one to judge being yourself and your partner.

Toxic Fruit

I like the premise of the book, of the greater society, of history and religion and the rejection of the human form being the roots of this problem. I want to see if it goes further. The roots still feed the plants that bear fruit, and where do we see the hurt coming from when history is dust, and morality is merely a system in place that no one is actually controlling? Why do those newspeople really hold back from swearing on television? Do they give a fuck about the concept of morality, or do they care about losing their jobs? Individual humans in this world punish them, and those who are punished choose to accept that’s the trade off to being free to speak certain words on TV—ha! I live in a country where we hold up free speech as some big right while saying it’s not allowed on television. Wow. Individuals strike out at others, demand from them what they demand of themselves to keep the world one way. They perpetuate the message while being bombarded by the message. We are intelligent beings with technology and information beyond anything we have had before, but we still repeat the broken messages that keep us trapped. Why? Because we open our mouths and speak them. We do this; we are society. We teach our kids to be ashamed of the very bodies they are born into, while we look for ways to stop hating ourselves. We tell ourselves we can’t win in fights we never bother to battle. We create a god we must impress, must live up to, or we will suffer damnation. We decide that speaking up deserves pain, so only the most brave speak up. We create all the monsters that we end up battling or avoiding, while blaming the monsters.

Redefining Reality

Is that an ugly thought? Should it be censored so people don’t have to feel uncomfortable? The beauty of these systems that hurt us is how a changing of the message can save us. If the system in place is redefined, everything it touches redefines. Oh, let’s say the Pope declared sin nothing more than a fallacy of the mind used to control society, and every church in the system took up that belief and spread it to the followers. The next generation of Roman Catholics (and whoever listens to the Pope) could be free of sin. Actually free, instead of the indoctrination of bestowing original sin on every child born just so they could ‘baptize’ it away. What if the psychiatric community decided to look into how allergies are linked to mental illness? What if they taught how most people who have allergies but don’t produce a certain response are far more likely to suffer mentally from bipolar to depression to mania to agitation to ocd to fits of rage, hence the rise of suicides during high pollen counts? What if when your kids are taught about nutrition, they’re not taught skewed information in there by companies—sugar—who don’t want people to know their product is not required on any level? Systems allow for very big changes in a short amount of time and hey, they’re already in place. The media is such a system, which is why we have some channels spewing the extreme conservative narrative of ‘fear your neighbor and self,’ and others the extreme liberal narrative of ‘nothing you do is good enough unless you reach our blessed heights.’ I’m a liberal and my fuck, it’s like being a vegan among vegans—you’re never fucking good enough. Lately, I feel like I’m back in church answering to some faceless god of morality claiming gloom and doom if ideas exist and it totally sucks. No wonder Trump is terrified of the media. It’s a system bigger than him capable of changing the narrative of the world, the narrative he can’t reflect off of. He chose his enemy and his enemy grows bigger because of it. But the caveat? Even when a system changes, it’s still up to the individual to change, to let the old message go. To allow through their filter of the world for things to be different, for things to be fun and not so fucking serious. Ugh, everyone is so damn serious. Do you know how many authors I see resend newsletters over fucking typos? Typos. Gah. I had an old guy glaring at me Christmas Eve—the entire night—and only found out when he said goodbye that he was offended by my lipring. XD I had it for 10 years but he was certain it would be infected by tomorrow because something in his past made his perception of my reality look dangerous. Our brains are the system of oppression we’re trapped in. We perceive the messages and give them importance enough to actually follow them. Every message out in the world was first conceived in someone’s mind, which was then expressed through language where other minds picked it up, decided it was important, and followed or rejected. I used to think a vow of silence was about being able to finally hear yourself; now I wonder if it’s to do no harm on the world through the influence of words. But the words aren’t the harm, it’s still the minds that turn them into something more and act upon that belief. There are so many people out there afraid of their thoughts. I wonder when they’ll see that they choose to act, they choose to make thoughts into an action? They choose to believe a message and hold onto it, making it part of their identity.

We Are the Storyteller

In our brains live these realities, these perceptions, these characters born of narratives—I think you’ve all met my characters in stories. XD But just as I’m an obvious storyteller, we are all telling a story about the world and about ourself. We tell the story that our attraction and gender is a part of our identity, that our job gives us value, that our family is a reflection of ourself, that if we’re not liked then we are bad/lacking, that our face defines our beauty, that to lose everything is to really lose everything. It can be so hard to break out of that story, to see that we still persist even when everything changes. Maybe that is the joy of reading. For me it is the joy of writing. I write freedom (sexy, dirty freedom, lol) for every character I conceive. Maybe to experience a narrative—any narrative—between pages feels safer, allows us to see how we can wiggle free of the story of our life and be something else—but safely, in our brains, because that is where that story lives. The reality is, for all my intentions, I can only hope people find freedom in my books. For some, they may be perpetuating the cage they’re trapped in, seeing their own self dissatisfaction reflected in the characters and never following to where it’s okay to be okay with yourself. Lol, those outraged reviews from poor souls so angry about the sex or the swearing or the lack of consent or the typos; I don’t think they got it. XD Maybe a few more rounds in the story until they see it can’t hurt them, pleasure is actually pleasure no matter the circumstances in a story. Orgasm = good. My characters still seek freedom and I will still record it, but there is no way to control how any of it is perceived. It’s all in the reader’s mind. The individual is the god of their story, their world, their life. As your personal storyteller, do you choose to be the hero, the victim, the protector, the caretaker, the child, the clown, the villain? Do you let it change or are you stuck with one identity, struggling to be more than your job or your role in a family or the thing that fucks your brain up? So many stories we write about life, but are any of them as satisfying as the ones where we learn to love ourselves? And… insert masturbation joke here. XD I have rambled the fuck away. Today I’m an artist, an observer of life who seeks understanding in the name of freedom from my own brain. I hope in my little journey, you have found some too. Let the walls fall down and get some fresh air, eh?

The New Boy

An Iron Eagle Gym Novel Lance Packet just got a contract to shoot an erotic BDSM deck of cards; the only problem is finding models. So far everyone he’s interviewed thinks he’s looking for sex for hire. Then in walk three perfect examples of men: Tide and his friends, Tyrone and Bran. Tide Germaine is a model and a Dom. He and his best friend Tyrone opened The Iron Eagle Gym as a place for gay men in the lifestyle to work out, do scenes, and congregate with like-minded men. The modeling is just another job for Tide, but it soon turns into a grand seduction as Tide falls for the shy, self-conscious photographer. The problem is Lance doesn’t believe he’s in Tide’s league, and he’s not at all sure about the Dom and sub thing. It’s not going to be easy, but Tide’s going to have to convince Lance he belongs at Tide’s side as both lover and sub.

A Night To Remember: Phoenix Wedding Night

A night of romance, passion, and love that they’ll never forget... Love and passion are in the air as the newlywed couples share their first night together as husbands. Finally released from their celibacy pact, the men are more than ready for a long night of warm romance and heated love. But they aren’t the only ones sharing their hearts and their bodies as other couples, yet to be wed, make the most of this enchanting evening as well. Note: This is an M/M romance and should be read by readers 18yo and above only.    

The Drunk Email

Nick has had a crush on his older brother for as long as he could remember. Justin is just so perfect; handsome, strong with blond hair and blue eyes. It's impossible to look anywhere else. Nick never thought he'd ever tell his brother how he felt. That was until Justin went on a school trip out of country and Nick got lonely and really drunk.

Hey, first snowfall outside where I am…

Writing up a storm, so apologies for the lateness and quickness of this newsletter. I went back into Hellcat and realized it just didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like a Sadie Sins book, so I channeled my inner deviant and outlined a few new scenes to fix it. My writing has been too tame lately. I came to the conclusion if I don’t have the odd confused reader bitching a one star review that the book is way too dirty and going to ruin impressionable minds, I have failed at my job. There’s no excuse besides a lack of fun, so time to bring the fun back with exaggeration, angst, dubcon, straight to gay, and hard fucking. XD I have not been having fun lately. Again started taking shit way too seriously. It’s lame. My first and only Christmas story was Obsession, a full incest father/son + burglar. What the hell has been wrong with me lately? I blame Trump, the fucker, and all the sexual misconduct coming out in Hollywood. They don’t know how to make rape into a sexy fantasy, and just ruin it for everyone, the pasty, flabby fucks. Oh, new Apprentice Saga cover, finally! Did one of Liem, Tobias, and Brave. A kinda villain cover. <3 I should have these guys moved soon and Apprentice Saga republished. Eventually. Busy work is so, well, busy.

Goodies below

<3

Fair Catch -- $0.99

Tom Hoffman took a huge risk when he came out early in his football career. One teammate in particular has always caught his eye. Not only is Chuck Wilson an incredible athlete, but he’s very handsome too. When they’re paired up together for a media event, Tom is thrilled to have the opportunity to greet this new colleague he’s always admired… but it turns out that Chuck isn’t as naturally friendly as Tom is. Can Tom get through to Chuck and help him overcome his fear? Can Chuck learn to accept himself and move on with his life?      

Switch -- free

Greg is worried about his best friend Kyle. Kyle's life seems to be spiraling out of control. Greg doesn't mind picking up the pieces, but his normally smart, ambitious and good-looking friend seems more distracted than usual after his last break-up. And he's starting to get annoyed at Greg trying to lend him a hand. What Greg doesn't realize is that Kyle is keeping something from him... and it could change both of their lives forever. **EXTRA FREE BOOK INSIDE**        

Vampire Claus

A lonely vampire and a fearless mortal with no instinct for self-preservation. Isn't that what Christmas is all about? 'Twas the night before Christmas, but what's stirring is a little more dangerous than a mouse. Taviano is nearly two hundred years old and never wakes in the same place twice. Weary and jaded, the vampire still indulges in memories of childhood Christmases in Naples. He lingers in shadow, spying on mortals as they enjoy the holiday. When Taviano spots a handsome young man in Boston loaded down with presents and about to be mugged, he can't help but intervene. Soon he's talking to joyous, naïve, strong-willed and funny Paul, a short-order cook who raised funds to buy Christmas presents for LGBTQ children. Before he knows what's happened, Taviano is wrapped up in Paul's arms and then in his schemes to get the presents delivered by Christmas morning. A vampire turned into a Christmas elf... What could go wrong?  

Demencious Saga -- free this month

This volume contains episodes 1-4 of Demon Bonded, as well as the bonus episode 'Far From Home', written by Sadie Sins and previously published 2015-2016. Demencious Saga is the first saga in the mm erotic world of Demon Bonded. This serial is a fun play on monster collecting and male harems. Expect demon bonding, master/slave relationships of mild and abusive nature, multiple partners, magical powers, learning how to be a sorcerer, and conflict with crueler demon masters.

Boo!

I’m apparently in bitch mode. >_> Unless a seller on Amazon has a good long term rating, even for books, don’t go there. Just don’t do it. 9 complaints of fraud in the week I’m waiting for a book that turns out to be an empty package sent to Florida. I don’t live in Florida. Because fucktard scammers. What are people doing for Halloween? I haven’t even decorated yet or carved a pumpkin. @[email protected] I’m such a procrastinator. I’m going to go get those cool webs a little later today—I seriously love the webs. We hung them off the ceiling last year and they looked amazingly creepy. I’m also fighting the guilt of giving small packets of diabetes to children. My twin brother has diabetes, I have hypoglycemia and our birth mother had diabetes; this stuff isn’t getting better but our culture continues to feed the epidemic. But… I don’t want to be the douche-bag handing out anything not candy either. >_> I have a hoard of apples from apple picking… I dunno. I feel like they’d end up on the driveway right after. Ah, the social obligations to feed strange children sugar. I have beautified… simplified? the updates page. Aka, I actually now have a system of updates so you can quickly see the most recent ones and my weekly goals. Goals I update on Sunday and since it’s Saturday, you only see the one for Intangible. Because, let’s face it, I’m not going to pretend I’m so on top of shit I can plan beyond a week. Sometimes the muse smacks me over the head, the other time life happens. But I think this is going to not only be clearer for subscribers but also keep me on track. Have a feeling Hellcat is going to take 2 more weeks to write and have a final edit. Way past Halloween. I don’t want to rush it though. I don’t want to ruin my own efforts by forcing a deadline. It’s coming out super cute/hot/action adventurey, if I do say so myself. (A mess? Does that sound like a mess? XD) Anywho… You can read the first 3 scenes for free if you haven’t already.

Goodies of the week <3

Some might be sweet but not cavity inducing. (Oh, the lameness will never stop.) Some sexy horror just for Halloween too. Ooh…

Costume Party- $0.99

On Halloween, romance hides behind a mask... Frat boys Tony and Ray fell for each other when they were both college freshmen, but neither of them knew. At a Halloween costume party in a gay nightclub, they're drawn together, masked by their costumes. When they tumble into bed together later that night, the everything comes off. With identities revealed, the situation heats up. Neither of them can undo what happened between them, but after years of being best friends, the misunderstandings begin to pile up. Will old habits tear them apart before they even have a chance, or can true love really beat all odds on Halloween? Costume Party is a friends-to-lovers story about two frat boys who find love with each other during Halloween. It has explicit scenes and a HEA ending is assured!  

Leather Head- $0.99

Gable is just playing dress up for San Francisco's leather S&M fair, but Leather Head isn't playing. His friend Shawn warns him to be careful what he's advertising for since the community has been rocked by four brutal murders. Gable still thinks it's all in fun, but it isn't. Desire can be deadly.            

Saviors: Duty and Sacrifice 1 (The God Jars Saga)

Trust is more terrifying than any weapon. Valis’ father wants to sacrifice him to the evil God, Qos. His uncle wants to use him as a magical battery and sex slave. All Valis wants is to live in peace, without fear of constant abuse. When he escapes his father’s sacrificial knife and runs away, he lands in the camp of his two saviors, Kerac and Darolen, holy Aesriphos warriors powerful enough to put his family in their place. But trusting anyone could be fatal, and the warriors ask the impossible: to sell his father’s farmstead and abandon his old life to join their monastery. They’re his only hope and when he learns to trust them, they’re the father figures he always wanted, but Valis isn’t sure he’s strong enough to put aside his fear and start over. The M/M romance in God Jars is a very slow burn. The God Jars Saga contains explicit material including violence, abuse, and M/M sexual encounters, and is not advised for anyone under the age of 18.

A Gladiator's Sword- $0.99

When Marius hands Ezra a Roman gladius with a stylized T in the hilt, he tells Ezra that it's special. Ezra finds out just how special when he wakes up to a gladiator in his house. He soon learns that like Marius, Titus prayed to Janus to give him a new life and the god complied. Now that he's met the man to go along with the sword, Ezra realizes that he yearns to share his world, and his life, with the gladiator. Titus knew nothing except the arena and his few good friends in the cohort. He follows Marius' lead, trusting the god to deliver him from his brutal life. When he realizes he's in Ezra's house, and that Ezra has his sword, he quickly learns that the modern world is good. Bacon? Hot water? What more could a gladiator want? Getting to know Ezra, and exploring his delicious body would make an excellent start.      

Saint Brig- Free

Brig- a young man tossed out of his parent’s home on graduation day. Why? For daring to be himself. Unwilling to conform to their religion, or pretend to be straight, Brig leaves home on a journey that will test his fortitude in ways he never thought possible. Ending up in Liberty Park, in downtown Salt Lake City, he finds it filled with other homeless kids. His sheltered upbringing forces him to grow up quickly. Another street urchin, Gabriel, takes him under his wing, offering him his only glimpse of happiness during a heady, 24 hour period of time. Saint Brig is a short story about a young gay man forced to grow up fast- too fast. Will Brig escape his tragic fate, or get lost in the shuffle of other forgotten youth, doomed to a life on the streets?    

No Filter- $0.99

Indy will do anything to prevent his mobster ex from finding him. Their last encounter left Indy recovering for months in the hospital, and ever since he’s become an expert at hiding in plain sight. Determined to stay under the radar, he takes on a new identity and moves from place to place. His life has no room for friendships, let alone love, so he keeps his heart firmly closed. After all, he has nothing to offer but a damaged body and a broken soul. Plus, he’s so done with men. Until he meets the man who breaks through all his defenses. Former Army Medic Noah came back damaged from his last tour—in more than one way. Between supporting his best friend-with-benefits Josh who’s struggling with PTSD, dealing with his own issues, and the stress of his job as a physician assistant, rebuilding his life seems impossible. There's little time for what Noah needs, let alone for what he wants. When he meets Indy, Noah discovers what he wants more than anything: for Indy to stay. But how will a relationship with Indy work when Noah needs Josh as well? Indy never expected the strong, confident Noah to be as damaged and broken as himself. But what will happen if he starts letting Noah in? Indy knows he should run to protect Noah and Josh. Noah needs Indy to stay more than anything. But will what little he has to offer be enough to make Indy trust him and stay? No Filter is a steamy M/M romance featuring an open relationship (no cheating!) that ends with a HFN, but with the promise of a HEA. It’s the first book in the No Shame Series, and is not a stand-alone novel. It contains hot sex, a hint of a ménage, lots of talk about hot sex, flashbacks of said hot sex, and…Oh well, you get the idea. Also: trigger warning for mentions of sexual abuse.

Taken By Beasts- $0.99

This collection contains five never before released, steamy paranormal stories of monsters and the innocent, handsome young men they call prey *cough* boyfriend, written by the mistress of dubcon, Sadie Sins. Inside you’ll find five unique storylines containing friends to lovers, straight to gay, mild BDSM, and even a few group, taboo moments. It has furry full moon transformations, haunted houses, Halloween parties, evil witches, horny sorcerers, sexy demons, a cat shifter in distress, the rare minotaur, a stalking vampire, and a pack of rude, trash talking werewolves that don’t take no for an answer. Not to mention, the promise of a happy, claw biting ending. This book will make you downright beg to be a victim. Halloween has never been quite so naughty as when you’re Taken by Beasts. 18+ For explicit man on monster action, graphic language, breeding, growls, tears, and over 66,000 words of hot, sexy fun.    

Queeromance ink is having a sale!

LGBTQ books of all genres on sale this weekend.