Search Results for: "paranormal"

? You’re Invited To A Monster Bash! ?

An invitation to play with monsters…

You are cordially invited to a Monster Bash hosted by Sadie Sins as part of Nero Seal’s Cum Gobble with the Seals Thanksgiving Event. You can join in the festivities on November 12, 2019 at 2pm EST for an hour of games and fun by going to https://www.facebook.com/groups/neros.seals/

Featured will be a paranormal mad libs style game where participants get to live out a wild, sexy story at a Sadie Sins’ party full of monsters, sorcery, and competing lovers—err… but censored to conform with Facebook’s TOS. (sorry ._. ) There will be multiple opportunities to win a free copy of Hellcat: Mated to the Demon Prince by Sadie Sins, as well as one Grand Prize Winner gets a free week subscription at sadiesinsbooks.com, where you can read all the deliciously naughty MM stories you want for a week. All participants who complete the game to the end (and yes, you can play later if you can’t make the initial party time,) will receive a special gift just for participating.

There are events happening daily the next two months in Nero’s group, so don’t miss out. I look forward to seeing you all there on Tuesday the 12th at 2pm!

<3 Sadie Sins

Hey babes!

Okay, I’m kinda pulling this game out of my ass last second, but I think people will have fun. It’s a unique story where you get to fill in certain blanks, either with prerequisites (like the month you were born means you have to choose THIS,) or random fill ins where you can put whatever you want, be it silly or super cool (or both!) It allows you to decide what kind of monster your character is in love with, what kind of kink the story leans toward, what kind of familiar you get as a companion in this disturbing castle, etc.

I set it up in a way that you don’t have to be playing all at the same time to enjoy the experience, but where reading other people’s responses should be worth showing up to check out the comment section. I know you peeps are so freaking creative and funny. <3 And for people who do comment, showing they’re playing the game, they’ll be entered each time for a chance to win a free copy of Hellcat.

The grand prize winner drawing is only for those who make it to the very end of the game. The game itself shouldn’t be hard–it’s just fun, really–but there will be some little questions referring to your game answers to prove you played from beginning to end. I’ll give it a week’s time after the event before holding the prize drawings for any latecomers, and I’ll send out all the prizes at once, including the participation prizes at that time. Watch my Facebook page on Tuesday, Nov 19, for the winners announcement.

So yes, you get a full week to play, but it would be super cool if you showed up during the event itself so I can meet you all and chat about stuff. 😉

I’ve gotta rush off to make sure I get this game done in time. @_@ I can’t wait to see you all there!!! <3

?A Growling, Sexy Halloween Sale!?

Hey babes,

Just a quick heads up cuz I totally forgot to mention it in the last newsletter. Taken By Beasts is on sale for $0.99 for the rest of the week for Halloween. (Okay, I might have just forgotten I set up the sale until now… >_> Whoopsie.)

Happy reading! ^.^

Taken By Beasts book coverTaken By Beasts :
M/M Erotic Halloween Collection

Halloween has never been quite so naughty as when you’re Taken by Beasts…

This collection contains five never before released, steamy paranormal stories of monsters and the innocent, handsome young men they call prey *cough* boyfriend, written by the mistress of dubcon, Sadie Sins. Inside you’ll find five unique storylines containing friends to lovers, straight to gay, mild BDSM, and even a few group, taboo moments. It has furry full moon transformations, haunted houses, Halloween parties, evil witches, horny sorcerers, sexy demons, a cat shifter in distress, the rare minotaur, a stalking vampire, and a pack of rude, trash talking werewolves that don’t take no for an answer. Not to mention, the promise of a happy, claw biting ending. This book will make you downright beg to be a victim.

Halloween has never been quite so naughty as when you’re Taken by Beasts.

18+ For explicit man on monster action, graphic language, breeding, growls, tears, and over 66,000 words of hot, sexy fun.

 

 

? Autumn Check In ?

Hey babes,

Hey, did you remember to snag the edited version of Step Daddy last time? It’s free!

I wanted to check in, explain a bit of what’s going on with me as we approach my ultimate favorite time of year, Halloween.

My broken tooth sucks but the infection seems to be done (for now.) I’m hoping to get it pulled soon—contacted a dentist who takes my insurance and also practices sedation dentistry. Apparently, it’s really common for anyone previously abused to find going to the dentist triggering. Something to do with being tilted back in a chair, feeling suffocated, things stuck in your mouth, usually a condescending person talking down to you about your brushing/eating habits, etc. It’s been extremely difficult to get me to a dentist, and at this point in my life, unless I can find one who isn’t a complete sociopathic sadist, I’m just walking. I have no interest in re-traumatizing myself because ‘reasons.’ But I have shitty dental insurance, so it’s been hard to find someone who actually gives a fuck.

When you can’t sit still…

So… I think I have ADD. Things have changed really drastically these last few months—it’s like I’m waking up again, living in my life, finally being me (fuck, how many times have I said this? Here’s to it finally sticking!) I started experimenting with small bits of caffeine just last week and saw such amazing results. I also saw my adrenals struggle and went back on adrenal support, and suddenly here I am, waking up every morning (instead of at 5pm,) cleaning the house, getting errands done, cooking new meals and eating regularly, singing to music and speeding around in the car, really enjoying life because I can feel joy again… and kinda running from life because I’m struggling to sit still and focus.

I know my dopamine system has been fucked. The moment I realized those Parkinson’s symptoms last year right before the mold took over my room, I have been super focused on reversing back to ‘normal.’ And for the most part, I’ve gotten there. I finally got my creative spark back this week—it’s fucking awesome! But wrangling my brain into focus is so freaking difficult. O_o It’s not a new pattern. I’ve seen this again and again, how my brain likes to problem solve, how it liked to battle at every step because a part of it was wired to get dopamine that way. I’m not a creative because I’m good at this shit; I got good at creative stuff because that’s how my brain is wired to get what it needs to thrive. Problem solving is my dopamine goldmine. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to solve my health problems because I wouldn’t have been driven. If I could only get dopamine through exercise, I would be an athlete. The same with social interaction: if talking to people was the only way I could get my dopamine burst, I would be social AF. But that’s not how my brain is wired; this squishy, organic computer is all about the problem solving.

So, I’m still getting dopamine from making art, the eye test from hell of decision fatigue of ‘this’ or ‘this’ that rewards my brain with dopamine every time it sees a pattern or color it finds pleasing. I get dopamine from expressing a thought into words, like with this Newsletter, or when I write argumentative pieces. If I decided to write nonfiction, that would be a win. What I’m struggling with to even sit still for long enough, never mind get a dopamine reward from is my fantasy writing. Like, my house is clean and my laundry done and folded away and I’m cooking new stuff and raking leaves because I can’t sit still. I just want to jump up and run around and DO STUFF. And I was hoping it was, you know, a phase as my body gets healthy and I’m compelled to live life more fully. But really, I am struggling to slow down and just be still long enough to complete writing tasks.

I’m brainstorming and researching now about what I can do. Maybe timed writing bursts followed by quick exercise or a bit of chocolate or something. I want to help wire my brain to find reward in writing. If you remember anything about the Pavlov experiment, he got dogs to salivate from the sound of a bell by first associating that sound of the bell with food. I need to create a positive dopamine response to go hand in hand with writing again. Someone had a good idea of creating a visual representation of my process so that I can see my accomplishment as I finish scene to scene, and therefore derive some satisfaction that way, seeing the visual pattern of success. It’s a lot harder with writing because it’s not immediate reward the same way you get from getting a scent burst or flavor burst or visual burst. The senses just aren’t engaged the same way; it’s purely this conceptual thing happening. Problem solving is very much hitting a wall and gaining dopamine from pain, just as much as gaining dopamine from the reward of solving the problem. It’s what drives me to experiment—failure is a win just as much as success to my dopamine system. I’m not getting any of that from writing.

Do any of you struggle with ADD/ADHD? I’ve been looking up tips online (like, one recommended a weird, giant bouncy ball to sit on so I can move around while typing—not sure how the cats will react to that… >_> ) I’d love to know if anyone has some real world tips that have helped them. Looking back, I think this was part of why I couldn’t read fiction anymore. My brain just stopped getting rewarded from reading a new story, but I could still enjoy television because of the visual/auditory stimulation. I’m determined to get this part of me back, I just feel like I’m wandering around in the dark right now as I sort it all out.

On the creative front… Sexing it up!

Now that I rediscovered my fun and creativity in regard to writing—yeah, that came back this month, fuck yeah! (I am improving, as frustrating as this all is. I’m winning this shit.) I decided that the new PATB format really required some adult content in the first episodes to ensure new readers aren’t confused. Sadie Sins can’t put out 3 sexless books—that would be madness. @_@ So I’m pushing the background characters a bit, letting them shine—because I refuse to ruin the damn build up of actual romance I have finally created for Wylie/Dorian.

The inner beasts of the characters now have voices. Not too complex—they’re kinda the primal thoughts jumping to the surface depending on the situation, usually in contrast to how a character wants to act. Theo’s inner dragon is a bit of a bloody fuck monster in all the fun ways. <3 Lol, Theodore might be going on a sexy killing spree or two to spice things up (no one ever said authors or their pet dragon shifters were sane, peeps. XD) I also thought it might be fun to really see how magic can work against paranormals, how they can be tracked down, spells sprung, that sort of thing. Magic was more a device in the first version of Demon Arms, not necessarily the element in a world it should be that changes how everything works. I want to see magic be its own character, changing the playing field, changing the power dynamics like it should.

So yeah, I’ve got some fun, sexy, bloody bits to add to the story as I go forward. And it’s helping. When I get creative elements sparking, outlining new pieces in, that dopamine reward turns on and I’m pulled back to the project— I am going to win this, babes. Out of all the shit I have overcome health wise, this has got to be a breeze. I turned back on my fucking emotions and sensations when they stopped half a year ago; I can turn back on the dopamine reward for writing. How do I know? Because this is how my brain fucking works and I have faith in my very nature to follow through and beat this shit.

Hope you’re all enjoying the weather and change of seasons (unless you’re in a part of the world that is far more consistent.) The leaves are a wildfire of beauty outside, which of course is where I’m going right after I mail this out. I love autumn and the energy sparking in the air. <3 It’s inspiration for all the creative thoughts flowing in my mind.

?How To Stop Being A Freaked Out, Overachieving Perfectionist?

Hey peeps,

Ugh, so the first episode of the Paranormal Academy For Troubled Boys serial is ready to publish. Why ugh? Because I’m trying to figure out how the fuck to post this story without burning myself out during the process.

I’ve been realizing some big stuff this summer. One is how I’m an overachiever who undervalues herself so much I couldn’t even tell I was an overachiever. Two, that I’ve locked down my subconscious so well in the need to ‘adult’ that I haven’t allowed myself to daydream or think about stories that aren’t about building the Sadie Sins brand—aka, this is why writing is no longer fun. I’ve been so focused on trying to turn my writing into a living that I lost what I loved about writing, which was the fun, crazy ideas.

Thirdly, and probably most damning, I found a connection between my health problems and PTSD. A big connection. :/ We’re talking psychosomatic death feigning, learned helplessness, and dopamine suppression as the brain forces the body to ‘give up’ a fruitless task to stop it from neurotically obsessing until it breaks. I realized that living with the anxiety PTSD gave me for over 30 years had turned me up to 11, and when I ‘got better,’ I only calmed down to something like an 8. I’m still stressing myself out, I’m still holding onto twisted values that keep pushing me to do, do DO! And I have become so used to this stressful drive, that I couldn’t see it, like, at all.

I’m a control freak (okay, I already knew that) but I didn’t see how bad it really was. Because I was the crazy fuck who, when I thought I was dying, decided it was time to start a business just to pass the time. Yeah, my body was so sick, exhausted, and burnt out from my overactive immune system responding to everything, but I decided to ‘push through’ like a WINNER and ignore all that. Because I am fucked in the head and only just now seeing the extent.

My body is trying to stop my self destructive patterns by literally stopping me flat. And I thought at first, whoa, that’s crazy. How could I even think that about myself? But then I started practicing mindfulness again, started really looking at what happens right before the Parkinson’s flares and the messages happening in my mind. I had a flare right after a bad driving scare—literally life and death response. Then I had a flare when I had the house to myself for a day and then my bf came home and I realized, nope, I’m not okay with sharing a bedroom indefinitely—I want my fucking space! But it wasn’t until I faced that feeling that the flare stopped just as quickly as it started. I started getting a flare when out on a long walk, and instead of ‘suffering through’ like I normally would, I stopped, stretched, regrouped my emotional core, and the feeling passed and my energy returned.

So yeah, it’s me. I’m stressing myself into sickness.

I figure it’s like this…

My body got used to breaking after 5+ years of mold toxicity and low dopamine, and now that everything is ‘fine,’ it has decided certain triggers—thoughts, emotions, behaviors—are going to start that cascade effect all over again. The neural pathways are still there, set deep into my brain and nervous system. It’s not the smell of mold setting me off anymore, but when I feel emotionally trapped in a situation. It’s not dust mites or cat dander, but when I ignore that my muscles are tensing and I don’t relax my body as needed. I don’t have to worry about pollen anymore—I got a little pill for that. But I have no pill for the stress I weigh myself down with when I put too much expectation on myself and the simple things I do.

It’s such a contradiction to who I am in so many ways. Because I know—I KNOW— the value of a person is in that they exist. That’s it. If you exist, you are already worthy of compassion and respect. You don’t have to do anything or achieve anything or have a buttload of wealth or be super nice to be valued. You exist and that’s enough. I know this, but my subconscious is still running on old trauma wiring that tells me that I can only be worthy if I do things, and I have to do them really well, and people have to like them, and if people don’t like what I do then that means they don’t like me and I must be a terrible person. And how do I know if people like what I do? Well, what does society tell us? We learn that unless we have great wealth, we are not valued by society, that we are worthless enough to die outside a hospital with no one caring. Not being wealthy means you’re a lazy, worthless person who just isn’t trying to contribute to society, right?

It is difficult to be a human in this world of humans that was crafted around the idea that people are only valuable if they appear to have succeeded in life. Even as I know that these ideas of success are absolute nonsense, a lower part of my brain absorbs these messages and pushes me to survive by these irrational rules. It’s exhausting. I have spent years unconsciously trying to gain self worth from something that has absolutely nothing to do with my worth—and it hasn’t helped that the self improvement industry sells these ideas to us like they’re spiritual enlightenment. Really, think about it. We don’t have gurus like Ghandi anymore who discarded his worldly possessions and his ego to do what he could to help the world. We have CEOs swearing if you reach enlightenment, you’ll be wealthy beyond your dreams, you’ll be valuable to society, recognized for your greatness and intelligence. You’ll win the human lottery if you just figure out how to be spiritually, physically, mentally, and motivationally perfect. Discard your want of worldly possessions and you will be able to hoard all the shit you want in a giant mansion. If you overcome being an overachiever, you will be able to DO MORE THINGS! (not fucking joking; this was the message that smacked me over the head when I started looking up how to stop being an overachiever.)

I need a mental break from myself and this fucked up world

One of the things I noticed when I realized what the fuck I was doing to myself and how destructive the messaging surrounding me was that I started to be able to let my thoughts wander. I allowed myself to be bored. I’m thinking about stories that I don’t see much immediate financial gain in, but I do see fun in the journey of writing them. But this is not an overnight process. I have been wired to break myself at every turn—just the crushing guilt of not publishing in months has been brutal—and I need to find ways around that through habits, healthy messaging, and a fuck ton of mindfulness. I need to exposure therapy myself out of perfectionism and need for control.

Under it all is this little, vulnerable voice demanding if I just do everything right, I will never be hurt, I will never feel alone or sad or like a failure. If I just plan enough, stress enough, double/triple check until my eyes bleed, I will be safe. It’s a very sad, lonely voice who already feels like a failure and is just projecting it onto everything I do. It is very tiring to live this way, so driven to achieve something where I can’t even notice that I’m breaking myself out of poor self esteem. I don’t know how to relax—all those years stuck in bed and I never learned how to relax, just how to ignore the pain and exhaustion I was feeling. Really, it’s seriously sad to even think about.

I found myself in a profession that has a lot of excuses to give into that perfectionist voice. I’m not just talking about editing and ensuring my grammar is perfect along with spelling and comma placement and every pointless fucking rule in the English language that rears its head. (If you have a visceral reaction to hearing that the rules to our made up language are pointless, you might want to see if you’re dealing with perfectionist issues. Not joking.) This self publishing shit is about pattern recognition, algorithms, SEO for keywords, genre trends—there is so much fucking minutia in publishing your own books that can really trigger that obsessive voice in my head to DO THINGS RIGHT, which then in turn freezes me because it’s just too much stress—gotta get the ARCs out before the book goes live, gotta start marketing and setting up networking to coincide with the release date, gotta create the perfect blurb hook, gotta space those book releases 3 to 4 weeks apart before you fall off the Amazon front page from the KU new book boost—There is a lot to this process that just screams for perfection while whispering if you do it right, if you hit it the right way, you will be rewarded and never stress again. You will win the book lottery where you will finally be recognized and rewarded for killing yourself over fucking fantasy.

It’s a misery fest for my already fucked up mental stability. So I gotta find a way to balance this shit so I don’t self destruct. It’s like poking at a pimple until you realize half your face is swollen and you have a giant bloody wound in the middle of your cheek because you can’t just let shit go.

I don’t know how I’m going to handle this, I’ll be real. Part of me wants to throw the book on Amazon and not anything else, just ignore it. That seems self destructive in its own right where I can only do something by not being part of the process. I’m considering a preorder, something where I can force myself to slow down and take a month or something so I won’t be allowed to overwhelm myself by trying to do it all in one moment. I know nothing about preorder stats and ranking, so I can’t fall into the pattern recognition game of NEEDING TO DO IT RIGHT! I don’t know what’s right for it, so it will just be what it is, a way to give myself a break.

The book is done, the cover is made, it’s all edited, I just need to create some space between me and the actual publishing of the book so I don’t fall into the shit that hits me after every book release.

Learning to be idle

So… yeah, that’s my crazy rant of the week. I’m facing the fact that I torture myself over everything and in doing so, have lost all sense of fun and enjoyment in what I do. It has been on such a subconscious level, I couldn’t even see the connection to the apathy, the exhaustion, the emotion = body stopping. It has slowed me down—I don’t want to think of getting past overachieving as a way to achieve better productivity—but the truth is, the psychological shit I’ve been weighing myself with has absolutely resulted in a level of writer’s block. And it’s fucked, because I designed my website to get around the pressure of self publishing and freaking myself out!

It’s all in my head. =_= I will carry this with me no matter what I do until I figure out how to let it go. I’ve been reading some essays on the wonderfulness of being idle, trying to get into a mindset that is so alien to me after all these years. But that too could be the PTSD. When you’re running from your own thoughts for years, giving space to think can feel overwhelming too.

I hope everyone is enjoying their summer and not being an obsessive, neurotic wreck. ^.^ The crickets sound amazing just buzzing in the quiet night.

?A Sexy Fairytale and New-ish News?

Quick little check in today

I just wanted to let you know Wendy has released a super sweet book that’s a retelling of Snow White, but it’s sexy mm!

Snow of the White Hills

Once upon a time an imprisoned prince was rescued by seven beautiful men.

For two years, Prince Snow has been locked away in the palace tower. On the night Queen Serena decides to do away with him for good, seven beautiful men with equally tragic pasts appear out of nowhere to rescue him.

Starved for affection, hurt, and in fear for his life, Snow is shown attention and care he has never known. The seven men teach him what real loyalty and love can be.

Doc, their leader, will heal him.

Sleepy, the most devoted, offers to become his love until the end of days.

All yearn to fight to gain Snow his rightful throne.

But Snow cannot justify his new friends putting their lives on the line for him. His heart will break forever if anything happens to Sleepy. Maybe it would be better for all if he just left…

You will love Prince Snow, but you will fall in love with Sleepy!

M/M romance, non-magical fantasy, abduction, imprisonment, rescue, hurt/comfort, and a sweet love story with a happy ending!

Hey! 😉

Hope you all enjoyed your dead guy on a stick day, or weekend, whatever your thing is. My weekend was spent with my bf’s relatives (because holidays are created for introverts to be forced into utter discomfort to endure some pointless ritualistic exercise in tribalism. Totally XD)

Oh, and I have a new (but the same) venture! I decided I’m turning The Paranormal Academy for Troubled Boys into a serial. It’s crazy that the rewrite is just sitting on my website, waiting for me to hurry the fuck up and not have my health get in the way of my writing. It’s killing my motivation and I think the best thing is to start releasing this baby in 50,000 word chunks so that I can feel like I’m accomplishing something and not standing still.

Any betas interested in taking a crack at the first 50,000 words? I’m not rushing to publish if I can get editing help and be able to focus on my current writing as a result. But if I can’t (or I get twitchy like the irrational being I am) I may find myself rushing to get this finished ASAP so I can get back to the rewrite.

I even made a cover to light a fire under my ass. I based it off that original Demon Arms cover, but hopefully with a little more sophistication this time around. 😉

I’m really excited about this. When I first wrote Demon Arms, I wanted it to be a serial but I was super sick at the time. Then when I got to writing Shiny Thief, I had gotten to this place where I felt like I had to conform to the previous book because, well, it was already written. But in doing the rewrite, I’ve kinda unstuck myself from that limited thinking that hit me when I was sick. I want this series to be the best it can be, which means I gotta get past my blocks and limiting beliefs. I know I’m better with smaller goals in this sense that work toward a larger goal, and I think this is going to be the best way for me to get there as I get these books done.

Myer Briggs personality test

Randomness, but I took the Myer Briggs personality test for the first time after seeing it mentioned on a forum I frequent. I actually took it four times total on four different websites (I assume something like this can’t be fully accurate and wanted to see if there would be an average,) and got a weird, in between of INTJ/INFJ. The T and F are right on the line of who wins. I don’t know enough about it to know if that’s, I dunno, psychosis or just people not fitting into ranges. XD It does make me worry I can’t possibly be objective in the world when it comes to social situations if I’m seeing through a small filter of personality that is not shared in the majority of society. Feeling a bit like an alien today.

But anyways, now I’m looking at the personality types thinking this could be a cool way to come up with a new character. To be honest, I usually build characters up from their trauma of choice. (I know, I know, twisted, Sadie >_< PTSD has ruined my mind.) It might be interesting to have an underlying set of personality traits that work together with life circumstances and trauma to help decide how a character will react in a situation. Like a little cheat sheet of how a character might act based on personality traits.

I think it could be fun to try making a different system just for writing certain types of characters.

Okay, randomness done in newsletter form. Hope you all have a fab Monday ^.^ Oh, and yeah, any betas interested, hit me up through email or comment on the website! I’d love the opportunity for help and input.

 

Shiny Thief preview 2

Shiny Thief
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EVENT #2: THE BET

demon arms preview

PATB Serial : Demon Arms Saga
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EVENT #1: THE BREAK IN