Alright, Lovelies. I have freaking news.
I got my first allergy shots Thursday. Felt weird, dizzy, super tired and I immediately thought, ah ha! I knew this shit was going to kill me. They just injected me with the damn allergen that kept me stuck in bed for 4 fucking years. There is no neutralizing dose for 4 years of misery. What was I thinking?
2 hours later, I was researching suicide and allergies. Apparently, people prone to mental illness are more likely to kill themselves or try to when the pollen count is high. This is a worldwide phenomenon. Sensitive brain chemistry reacts to allergens and skews. Why was I looking for this? Because within two fucking hours of that shot, my brain, my demeanor, my absolute outlook on life switched to normal.
I’ve been swinging like crazy this last month and then some. Agitation, depression, doubts, anxiety. I haven’t felt this bad in ages, and I have a feeling the allergy testing itself wasn’t helping. That shot flipped me to human, just like that. Inflammation went down throughout my entire body, including my brain. I didn’t even realize I could still be inflamed; I take dozens of supplements focused on inflammation because of the pain related to the mold toxicity. That was, until the puffiness in my face went away and my eyes stopped looking squinty. I can’t remember ever feeling so light in spirit but still grounded in the world. (Yeah, I know what mania feels like; this is not it.) All those weird, dark veils I filtered the world through are gone. Shit that usually set me off and upset me? Ha. Hiccups. I feel so normal, so stable, so… me.
I have never once had a moment where I thought, hey, this torment I suffer on a mental level is cured. Cured is a word idiots use who have never been jaded with reality of constant years of defeat and pain. But here I am going I have found the source and the answer. When my body stopped irrationally attacking the over 20 common allergens I’m exposed to on a fucking daily basis, my ability to perceive the world, myself, everything just got easy. It’s my birthday Monday, turning 35, and I was freaking the last two weeks over it cus I feel like I’ve gone nowhere with my life. Not anymore. A rock flew at my windshield and there is a spiderweb crack the size of two hands costing $300 suddenly looming. And that’s okay. It’s just money. I am in a financial limbo with Amazon until I wait out the 3 months for all the KU books to be removed before I can go wide officially. The subscription income is not even coming close to supplementing it. I’m rebuilding my entire sales model from scratch with no guarantee I’m doing anything right or that I’ll succeed. And I’m not worried anymore. If it doesn’t work, I’ll adapt. That’s what I always do. Shit doesn’t have to be life and death.
I don’t feel anxious. I don’t feel like I’m on the brink. And really, when your immune system is battling every day, that would be a normal feeling, wouldn’t you think? Maybe these forever inner struggles really are the result of an overactive immune system. My muscles are so relaxed—they have never felt this soft. It will be interesting to see how my PTSD therapy goes combined with a noninflamed brain.
Damn, this is a good fucking life.
Anyways. Peeps, I posted a ton of new stuff this week on the website. Oh, and I did an Updates tab so it’s easy to find what’s posted daily. Highlights include; a new scene in Obsession 2. Nick is back and catches Kyle at work. We’re up to scene 22 in Sorcerer Slayer. For freebies, Doing Wrong, the fanfiction version was posted. I thought it might be nice to let you guys compare. Intangible is being posted as I edit it. I plan on finishing that one before I start finishing up other fanfics. Oh, and updated Awakening. I have another scene in the works for Awakening this weekend. Or maybe on Tuesday cus I plan on birthdaying it up cus I’m feeling so good. I feel really fucking good!
Oh, and I did a blog post on How To Write Real Characters. I’ve been getting some really nice compliments (thank you darlings) and I thought I’d go into how I write such realistic, engaging characters in short stories when you don’t have a lot of word count or time to spare for character development. I truly believe characters make a story. No matter how amazing a plot, if the reader doesn’t care about the characters, it’s much harder to keep them invested.
I’ll be personally Facebooking the winner of the Optimumm MM Review Gift card giveaway today after this Newsletter goes out. I numbered every person who entered and I’ll be using one of those online random number generators to choose a winner. I want to thank you all for participating and thank Optimumm for offering such a cool giveaway. I will say it again, and continue saying it, Optimumm Reviews offers so much for the gay fiction community. As an author, they help me get known, and for readers, they bring great mm books to the people that crave them.
Speaking of which, some awesome mm book deals below. (Oh yeah, I’m smooth today. XD) Happy June, lovelies! (And Happy Comey just testified the fuck out of the Russia investigation!)
How far would you go for the one you love? How much of yourself would you sacrifice?
Trapped on a decaying Earth and cut off from the rest of the Universe, humans are no longer allowed to leave their planet. Break this one law and you die: a penalty enforced by flyers, aliens who look like angels of long-lost religions. Michael, the flyers’ leader, is the Punisher who carries out every public execution.
Adam, a young human with near-perfect memory, is committed to rebuilding Earth and a true believer in the flyers’ dominion. While Adam’s support for flyers isn’t a secret, his deep love for Michael is. Not even Michael knows, for his kind never take human lovers, and to Adam, they are too far above him to reach.
In his broken and unwelcoming world, Adam’s love can only lead to pain, loss, and disaster. Yet there is no force in the huge expanse of stars and galaxies that can stop Adam from following Michael to the end of existence. Not even Adam’s own beliefs.
The Teacher Can Teach The Student In The Classroom And In The Bedroom
In the aftermath of a nasty breakup, Khale has vowed off men – or any relationship, for that matter – for good. Having accepted a teaching job at the local university, he is ready to focus on bigger things and take on life as a single man.
Khale’s friends, on the other hand, think the handsome bachelor should re-evaluate his decision. A night of drunken karaoke lands him at the side of Tom, a timid punk-type who has just come out to his parents and is willing to try something new. Come Monday, however, both find that this pre-semester rendezvous was between teacher and student.
The shy first-timer makes Khale his tutor, asking him to guide him through his favorite positions. What they both know is that the semester is about to become a lot more interesting.