Scene #3 updated to Love Spiked!
I forgot about the eye pain and migraines. Like, it’s part of why I stopped writing, but in my mind it was that I couldn’t cognitively focus, my working memory and object permanence completely burnt out. Nope, not just that. The pain is bad.
I’m looking at possible solutions. There’s a surgery, but I’d like to avoid it if possible. There could be a level of disuse that needs overcoming from being bedbound so long. My binocular vision is struggling, and I’ve done all the hacks I can find, patching, monitor settings, distance viewing, font sizes, but once the pain ramps up, its days of recovery and not being able to use my eyes. Got my first migraine this week after months of not having any, and it was from a combo of reading and then trying to write.
I’m currently looking at a specific line of old monitors on ebay. Apparently modern monitors are too bright, and literally can’t get dark enough in nits to be useful for someone who has light sensitivity. I don’t always have light sensitivity, but the more screen work I do, the more light sensitive I get.
It’s not new. It was disabling the last years I was trying to write. I just, I dunno, managed to forget until the pain made it so I couldn’t anymore. Sometimes things go away, and I hoped the migraines were more an MCAS thing than a fucked up eye thing.
It’s not just time stolen with the pain, but it really messes up my writing. I can’t focus. Can barely edit. I think a lot of the poor working memory had to do with the fact that my eyes were screaming in pain while staring at a screen. I didn’t realize how much it scrambles me. Looking at the initial draft I had worked on this scene, it was all exposition and dragging on and I hope I fixed it, but I can’t really tell because I decided to upload today because my eyes hurt again. Html sucks right now, just saying.
I forgot how fucking grumpy the eye pain makes me. Anywho…
I discovered a Netflix show that has inspired me to write a fanfiction. It’s been forever. And it’s actually nice to feel inspired to write something silly and not requiring world building, or sequels, or a plot. Just plain hot smut. I’ve been writing it on my phone cuz the screen can go darker, but I still managed to hurt my eyes…
I dunno. I gotta figure this shit out. Maybe I should just ask for the surgery and hope my insurance will cover it. I have no reason to believe this is going to get better on its own. My eyes pull outwards, but I spent literal years where that didn’t give me eye pain, so I guess I’m hoping it’ll magically stop. I’m just kinda tweaking around the edges of the problem hoping to avoid knives in my eyes. Which, honestly, seems reasonable.
I’ll try to upload the first few scenes of the fanfiction soonish. Probably not today, cuz this fucking screen hurts and I don’t want to deal with it without some rest.
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