February 26

I might have started exercising again…

I’ve been putting it off this time around now that my health is back. I’m really just so wary of it all, I think. But I spent 30 minutes doing aerobic exercise yesterday and it was easy. I mean, weirdly easy. Lol, when you can breathe, everything feels so much easier. I keep expecting that being sick this long would naturally lead to muscle atrophy; it just makes sense. But whatever the mold toxicity, allergies, and Parkinson’s have done, it doesn’t seem to have led to any kind of long term muscular problems. As long as I ensure my body gets dopamine where it needs to get it, I’m fine.

I want to push to have a more active lifestyle–and it will take pushing. I’m not good at doing something without a proper purpose. The idea of running on a wheel like a mouse just doesn’t fit my idea of life. But I need to get this body moving. We’re not like machines; we don’t wear down faster when we move. No, this organic form needs conflict and mild forms of stress to push it to grow and evolve and adapt. Muscle growth requires the small breakage of those muscle fibers first before healing into a form that can handle more weight. It’s a strangely profound metaphor for life.

Being uncomfortable may feel like shit, but when you embrace it as life defining moments that build you into something greater than you started, it takes on a whole new meaning.