It’s my anniversary!
8 years now—and let me say what a fucking achievement that is. I started dating Brian 8 years ago during a time when my PTSD was out of control, my parents were recently dead, and I was just a few months out of pulling myself free of homelessness, a psych ward, and an ex girlfriend/borderline drug addict. I was quite clearly not looking for love. Love didn’t give a fuck; it never does.
Through our long term relationship, we both learned about a year in (once the honeymoon phase was over) that living for another person was going to kill us both. XD Seriously, don’t do this. I know it is so easy; we were young and everything around said to be a ‘couple was to compromise who you are.’ No. Fucking no. That’s a compromise on the ego, not a compromise about taking care of yourself and ignoring who you are, and too few people understand that. Your partner does not exist to complete you, complement you, share your interests, or hold your hand through life. They exist, you exist, and where you meet in the middle is fucking awesome but if you force the two of you to stay there 24-7, the rest of you will atrophy and die until that relationship is an ugly wound of bitterness and hate. Relationships are non-entities; don’t turn them into something bigger than the beings meeting and loving.
It took us a few years to figure that all out, and then I got sick. Four years of sick. Four years, to the point that I try not to call Brian my boyfriend lately because I still have it in my head that any kind of attachment to me while I was a sliver of my former self is just going to drag him into misery and illness. The last year of me regaining health has also been a very tentative year of renaming how we see each other. And it’s going to continue to be a slow process because some shit just doesn’t change over night. I watched 4 vibrant beings be consumed by illness and eventually die, and I am well aware from the outside it was what I looked like. Until I got that mold toxicity diagnosis and actually started to treat my severe allergies, we had no idea why all my other treatments weren’t working and it was just waiting to see when it was going to end. That is a lot of weight to put on the people who love me. Four years of that weight.
There are a lot of things in life we don’t get to choose, but we’re still around to experience. I have had the opportunity to watch an amazing man struggle, grow stronger, and find himself while the world shakes around us. His resilient spirit and easy laugh has made the overwhelming bearable, even though I fear he sacrificed too much of himself in his need to save me. It’s that thing we do where we live through others and ignore our own needs. I still have the greatest joy when I see the ones I love succeed and find peace with their inner demons. Even though I’m dedicated to growing and being the best person I can be, a part of that is so the people around me won’t suffer by being around the not so great me who shows up once in a while.
It’s going to be months before Puerto Rico has their electric grid up. Since Fema has been removing data of what’s happening from their own website, I thought I’d share the Puerto Rico website where you can get the stats on their situation and a way to donate. It’s actually pretty interesting to see their goals, priority being clean water. It’s really easy to take that tap water for granted until you lose it and you’re dehydrating.
I feel like I’ve spent the last 6 months watching and growing used to Trump being a toddler. Every time he acts out, the consequences never seem to follow the way we fear. Puerto Rico isn’t the same, and I think it’s important to remind us all of that. Trump refusing to even look the German Chancellor in the eye like some petulant child even though she’s been called the leader of the free world won’t result in the possible devastation that can happen on one small island if they don’t get the help they need. It’s really easy to put our energy into our anger and outrage instead of into being constructive. It’s human nature, like mob mentality. It’s easy to feed the reaction to the outrageous instead of doing something about it. We’re better than that, but it takes waking up to realize it. If I donated a nickel for every time I said something bad about Trump, well, I’d be broke, that’s for sure. XD
So, if you’re wondering how to channel your rage after seeing Trump go down to Puerto Rico, have himself a self-congratulatory circle jerk, and then leave four hours later, I suggest donating. You’ll feel like you’re doing something instead of stewing in bitterness and misery.
Freebie of the Month is The Autumn Prince! I’ve added Liem’s story from Demon Bonded #9 in there too (which reminds me I haven’t updated the ARC site yet. @[email protected] So much stuff to remember. I need to start writing things down.) Hellcat has started. Subscribers can read as I write it up on the website. My goals are to get Intangible and Hellcat finished this month and hopefully republish City Howls so I can write the next episode.
Oh, Demencious Saga is published, so for those who don’t want to shell out for the first 4 episodes of Demon Bonded, you can get the bundle for cheap, basically 1/2 the price. I want to keep my focus on Hellcat and get that fic out by Halloween, so I don’t expect to have Apprentice Saga republished (it’s all about making a cover) until the beginning of September. Sorry for the delay, just, I can only juggle so much.
Don’t miss the books below. I hope you all have an amazing weekend. I’m going to be spending mine with Brian being a total nerd and loving it. <3
This book contains episodes #1-4 from Demon Bonded, titled ‘Something Waiting In The Dark,’ ‘Breathing Under The Bed,’ ‘The Killer Wardrobe,’ and ‘Magnificent Night,’ and includes the bonus episode, ‘Far From Home.’ Previously published from 2015-1016, these episodes have been reedited and republished.
Demencious Saga is the first saga in the mm erotic world of Demon Bonded. This serial is a fun, suspenseful play on monster collecting and male harems. Expect demon bonding, master/slave relationships of mild and abusive nature, multiple partners, magical powers, learning how to be a sorcerer, and conflict with crueler demon masters.
Alpha professor Alan Archer is king of his world, until a winsome nineteen-year-old omega freshman upends his confidence. Nobody talked to Professor Archer like that before. And Professor Archer never thought he could be attracted to a student. But freshman omega Os is so different from all the other students.
Os came to college to get away from the stigma of being an omega. Nobody knows how unsure of himself he used to be. Nowadays, he’s owning being an omega. Just barely, if his insecurities don’t eat him up.
Alan and Os’s professor-student love brings a pregnancy that has to be kept out of sight. Alan and Os manage college, busybodies, and all the travails of pregnancy, on their journey together to fatherhood and forever love.
College Omega’s Secret Baby is a non-shifter male pregnancy romance with a sweet college student, an arrogant professor, endless cuddling, a secret pregnancy, pink-nosed bunny slippers, an adorable baby girl, and a feel-good HEA.
They’re dangerous men. Absolute enemies. And totally hot for each other.
Two years ago, the men in Will’s unit were killed in an ambush because they were betrayed. Now Will has a chance to go after the corrupt billionaire who sold them out.
One problem: the billionaire’s bodyguard. Nobody knows what he looks like; they only know him by the trail of bodies he leaves behind.
Will their passion destroy them both?
Kit’s a hardened assassin who’ll do what it takes to protect his boss. But when Will moves on the billionaire at an elite party, things with Will and Kit take an unexpected—steamy—twist.
Now Kit has to convince Will to walk away–from his quest for justice, and from the red-hot passion that’s spinning out of control.