Archive: January 31, 2019

January 31

Integration <3

Apparently you can display blog posts on main pages with the right plugin. You can also decide by which category, date, etc, of what you want on the page. This feels like a solution to the whole comment issue. Just link certain blog posts on certain pages and if I delete the wrong page by mistake, the original blog post still remains, safe and sound.

The blog so far has been limited to the Newsletter. I’ve basically ignored it otherwise. I kinda have this habit of going through and deleting old shit after a year–Nothing I say actually has importance, just rambles in the cyber world. So, let’s try something a little more constructive.

In other randomness… Has anyone see Happy! On Netflix with Christopher Meloni? I just caught the first bloody, beautiful episode. Think this is love, babes. XD

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January 31

City Howls and dealing with limits

I found myself looking at City Howls to prep it for new writing with outlining, brainstorming, etc. I found problems, the same kind of problems in Demon Arms. All I do is bitch about how I didn’t realize how fucked my brain was when living in mold. Right now, I’m frustrated I just can’t go back.

If I didn’t have the new perspective, I wouldn’t give a fuck. Good enough would literally be good enough in my mind. It was then. The problem is, how I’m writing now is the only way I know how to write. My brain changed, it can’t go back, and I’m left frustrated at my new pace which requires time, dedication, and a willingness to tear up all the old shit and do the work. Hence, it feels like work and not fun.

I gotta fix my perspective on this stuff. I gotta find the fun.

The biggest issues with City Howls I can see are:

1) the moldy brain made it difficult to visualize scenes, led to a dump of exposition, while at the same time failed to explain concepts well enough and also made the action lag. I want to show how Sage is a thief, how his dreams are messed up, how his brother is violently abusive instead of the info dump of it all. Finding out how his parents die should be pivotal, not a one liner in a paragraph of exposition. I don’t know why my old style was about creating all the character background and just dumping it in the first scene but it requires me to clean it all up and start fresh.

2) I tried to work with the censorship. You couldn’t find the first book on a mainstream platform because of the beast content, so I tried to make episodes 2 and 3 platform friendly. I intentionally wrote less titillating content to conform, and I’m kinda disgusted when I think about it. Seriously, fuck censorship. These books were supposed to be a total dark fuck fest and I held back and grew bored with the series because of it. How fucking exhausting to sit down to write something fun, only to change it because you’re terrified of having your book banned and livelihood lost. It’s bullshit.

So this is the shit I want to remedy when I continue this series. The beginning paces too slowly because of the exposition, and everything needs a more visual, in the scene feel. And I want to push those limits I inadvertently made because of the censors. More taboo, more fun, less stupid safe boring ass bullshit.

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January 30

Library updated!

Okay, so I’ve been thinking a lot about the subscription site, what it’s all about, what direction I want it to go, how to help it grow, etc, along with my limitations lately. The library is now arranged with one main purpose: to ensure taboo stories are written. Specifically sexual slavery, incest, beast, and shota.

I think partly, I need to be brutally fucking honest with myself and just admit that although I love the PATB series, working on it alone has become boring, and it’s partially why I’ve lost speed and energy. Rewrites and editing are a different part of the writing process, and when I’m in this place too long, I suffer, the writing suffers, and it’s just not great overall. But I have pushed myself to continue what I’m doing because of a previous plan–one that’s pretty damn smart when I can keep my speed going.

My intention after I published Hellcat in March of 2018 was very straightforward. Finish Shiny Thief and rewrite Demon Arms to match the style to 1) publish 2 amazing books that I have strong stats will do well in the mainstream gay genre on Amazon, and 2) promote the PATB books as my signature series to attract people back to the website. It’s a great idea, one I felt would solve a big problem.

Hellcat was a great success and offered something a lot of readers haven’t had: kinky, erotic content mixed with a wild plot and story. But Hellcat was crippled in the erotica arena because of the way Amazon prevented advertising and refused to link it in the ‘also bought’ section of gay genre books. Realizing Hellcat was trapped in erotica felt like such a kick in the head when it hadn’t been designed to compete in that genre, but to instead heat up the more plot oriented gay stories. I couldn’t risk spending half a year writing a book that wouldn’t be seen, so I turned my attention to making PATB as desirable as possible in the gay genre.

So, what changed to make that idea not viable with my current situation? I went exclusive with the website. I never thought I would. It felt too daring. Lock my books up behind a paywall that can only be reached by joining my subscription site? Yeah, terrifying when I started this book game with the understanding that exposure on Amazon was the best (possibly only) way to make money. But I took the leap, and 4 months ago, I pulled all my books but 9 (Hellcat, Bullying Teacher, the original Demon Arms, and the Demon Bonded books) from every platform and kept them exclusive on my website. It was a gamble that paid off.

I haven’t been doing any new advertising or promoting or marketing; I haven’t been doing much of anything besides writing my ass off as of late, but I continue to see greater and greater traffic to the website with far more consistent, stable income than the Amazon ranking game. I have to adapt to that. I have to change my strategy and reward those readers who show up to give them incentives to stay. AKA, I gotta write something more than PATB.

The taboo content has stagnated since Hellcat and I need to make plans to ensure it is the greatest focus. It was everything I was as a writer until I realized Demon Arms had hit a market that was ravenous for more. I forgot my own fucking brand as a writer. The censorship happening on Amazon had changed my writing in ways I hadn’t noticed until looking back and realizing how I’ve been avoiding taboo for fear it would be banned. I avoided pushing limits even when writing taboo out of habit because in the back of my mind I associated it with losing my income. But the subscription site allows me to write the most dirty as fuck stories with only rewards to gain instead of the bullshit from other platforms. Going exclusive proved taboo was viable when censorship isn’t involved, and I want to see how far I can build this.

PATB will continue to be written and made ready for publishing, but it will now be second in line instead of the only focus. I’ve made a breakdown by word count of my fics and where they rank in taboo content, which you can find on the bottom of the library page. This is to help me focus on ensuring taboo isn’t neglected in the future and to promise readers that it’s being noticed. I’m still in the planning stages of what taboo story/series to continue next. I’ll be linking the comment sections into current wips in the future, to ensure I can get member feedback to see what readers want. I like the pretty, organized format of the website, but it refuses to work with the comment plugin and I feel like I’m in the dark about what readers want.

As for now, I need to get back to the Demon Arms rewrite this week, but I’m hoping to have things hit the next stage sometime in February. I’m doing good, babes, health wise. I might be slow to get started–my brain has some adapting to do to change to more than one story at a time–but it’s worth reaching that place. I haven’t given up on hiring content writers in the future, but for now it’s important to test that this is the content readers are looking for before I have to organize a new system around it.

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January 27

I miss writing porn :/

Seriously, when the fuck did everything become so serious? I miss my short fuck fics. PATB has taken over my damn life and there is no fucking, well, fucking! Why can’t I multitask? That used to be my damn thing. Multiple stories just to keep me sane–and I knew I needed it to keep me sane. Just, my brain broke from the damn mold and low dopamine, and when everything was repaired, I became this one circuit human who could only do a task at a time. Apparently very fucking slowly at that. Ugh.

I want my fun back. @[email protected] I can’t remember the last time I even wrote the word cock. There is not enough dick in my writing!

*sigh* I’ve missed ranting too. And writing completely inappropriate things that people fear going to prison over. I need my edge back. I’m losing my damn mind to all this adulting bullshit. I gotta figure this out. It’s like I’m starving a part of myself and it’s spilling into other aspects of my life.

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January 25

Insanity…

I would have to be a complete insane person to want my life to fit into predictable patterns when every day is a random occurrence, and yet, there I go, expecting the impossible and frustrated when it doesn’t occur.

My immune system is doing ‘a thing,’ and it sucks, and why can’t I just not be sick, yeah? Even though my norm has been to be sick for years, I have already decided being sick at all is unnatural and shouldn’t happen and ignored all my damn limits once again. Brilliant, yeah? Self delusion takes a certain amount of skill.

My fevers aren’t fun this time around with fuzzy happiness. I’ve just been bitchy and grumpy and sleepy… Like those seven dwarves, but, you know, BITCHY! And itchy, actually. The allergies are flaring with the immune response. I wish my body would just chill already.

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