I’ve got great news, babes!
So the big lab test I took came back and it looks like I have bad case of gut dysbiosis. Candida overgrowth, and has likely spread to my ear and jaw. I’ve already seen an alleviation to some of the multiple chemical sensitivity symptoms from a new diet starving the candida, and one I start killing it—going slow cuz the die off can be really damaging to the body and make the MCS so much worse—I will eventually be myself again.
I’m seeing this as the end. This whole thing started with Lyme disease, oh, six years ago now? Found out I was living in mold and that it had caused damage to my body that needed to be repaired, plus the allergies. I’m apparently still living in mold and it has gotten worse with the heavy rain fall this month. Exhaustion, fatigue, confusion, unable to lift my arms and head—all this is finally coming to an end and I can be a person again. These last months will be the hardest because of the neurotoxins that dying candida release and the recovery needed after, but I’m looking at it like the last mile in a marathon. You have to get through the pain to win.
Oh, this test also measured my dopamine levels and I got conclusive numbers that, yeah, my dopamine levels are low. Serotonin too. I knew but there is always this level of self doubt when experimenting on yourself—at least for me. It’s never something to go into all cocky. When everything is filtered through your own brain, it can be very easy to lose perspective. These numbers prove the dopamine link, and it’s a relief.
Writing and Art update
The last two weeks I’ve been cleaning up Shiny Thief (I seriously need to update the damn website. @_@ I have new stuff,) and playing around with a software for making visual novels and interactive novels. Oh, and I’m going to try and remember to get the latest Demon Bonded up on KU this week—totally blanked.
Anyways, I was hemming and hawing on which story I wanted to try for my first test run of a visual novel. Thought I’d start with something new, but it didn’t seem time effective. Then thought I’d jump right into The Demon Virus interactive novel idea, but I thought it might take too much of my attention from Shiny Thief. Then I thought I’d do Taken by Beasts cuz I could do short story by short story—I have a lot of outlines made XD—and then I looked at Demon Bonded, really looked at it, and that’s where I stayed.
It’s already written. When I go to make character and background art, I can reuse that art repeatedly instead of needing to make new stuff like I’d have to do with the 5 short stories in Taken by Beasts, so it’s time effective. And it would allow me to experiment with certain interactive gaming aspects I want to be able to understand in the future, such as creating clickable maps, having affection meters, exploring areas, and getting key items. It also has a following, so I figured there would be more people interested in seeing the story come to life.
So, yeah, that’s where I landed. A Demon Bonded interactive novel. Not the game I have plotted out for the future that has nothing to do with Ky, but for now I’m taking the actual Demon Bonded story and turning it into an interactive experience as a test run. Hopefully people will love it. <3
I’m doing the story boarding first, trying to conceive what I’m really going to need and how to turn each scene into something interactive. My focus is finding ways to have the reader/player have to get tasks done to proceed in the story, such as win the trust of Lovely before he’ll show himself from under the bed. Maybe getting Feral to shred enough clothes before Ky confronts him. Oh, and have things where you have to explore to find hidden art and character cards to collect. I like the idea of puzzles, but nothing too crazy complex… Oh, and I was thinking of a memory game for that part where Ky is trying to write his first circle to keep Demencious from killing them all. I’d like to find a way to figure out character costumes—I mean, I have found a way where I could have other costumes for the demons, even Ky, you can customize, but the coding also limits other aspects, so I’m not 100% certain I want to go that route… But I love the idea of being able to play dress up with them…
It’s a lot of ideas right now, which I love—I love the creative process. It’s so fun. And making the thing is actually really simple, probably because of what I learned just fighting to code a website or making mobis from scratch. If I had known how simple it was to make an interactive novel, I would have attacked it sooner. But this is probably a good time to learn, really. I’m still sick, I’m going to continue to be sick until I can get this candida at manageable levels, and it would be nice to have a constant place to sleep, be able to breathe, etc, before I go too crazy into the final edit of Shiny Thief.
I’m working on the final draft before the betas get it, and I can see how my current lifestyle with the multiple chemical sensitivity keeps my focus from being as good as I’d like. I’m scattered. It’s amazing I get bills paid (everything is late) because I have no consistent point of reference as I run from chemicals and scents at a moment’s notice. I’m a leaf in the wind and it’s difficult to be consistent and remember basic stuff.
Oh, also once I get the first actual working version of the Demon Bonded interactive novel working (where the art is done instead of placeholders) I though that would be a fun giveaway for anyone contributing to my Patreon. I could update the game each time until it’s finally done, and those who have a copy could actually save, even see how shit is made by the builds. I’ve decided on a cell-shaded type of art because of the amount of time that goes into realism, and I suspect once the heat doesn’t suck so much that I can return to my bedless bedroom and use the PC to make art, it won’t be too unbearably hot to make graphics.
White Nationalists are Fucking Cowards
A slightly polite rant about this coming Sunday because maybe I say ‘fuck’ just a little too much. I don’t want people to miss the forest for the trees here, so I’m keeping the language as tame as I feel comfortable.
It you’re in America, brace yourself, babes.
Sunday is the anniversary of the white nationalists taking to the streets with torches in Charlotteville. They’re planning a demonstration in Washington DC, and the counter protesters are already booked. I’m not a fortune teller, but this is the kind of event where you watch a county bleed from the inside and wonder if it will be able to heal after. A lot of Nazi wannabees were doxed last year, and I’m hoping that fear of being exposed and losing their jobs will be enough to keep these messed up individuals from taking to the streets again, but I’m not holding my breath.
This white nationalist, Alt-Right movement is dangerous because the leaders know exactly what they’re doing. They’re hiding hate in modern clothes and slick rhetoric. They ask for their ‘right’ to be allowed to be white people (as if someone was fighting them on it,) for the ‘freedom’ to speak their pride of their skin color while ignoring that their movement can’t just have pride but pushes down and creates an atmosphere of fear and imminent danger for anyone not ‘white.’ (White is a concept, as is all race. It’s not real. We are all fully evolved, flawed humans no matter the language, the heritage, the facial and bone structure, and the history and culture. This is not to ignore what certain races have gone through, and are going through, based off of these constructs in America, but to point out the irrationality behind taking a set of random visual attributes and dividing humanity by it.)
And let’s be clear, white people are not in danger. There is no fear of the white skinned person becoming extinct. All you have to do is walk out in the sun and tan, and guess what, there are no ‘white’ people anymore. This movement is born from a group of people who have never faced the reality that they’re sharing a globe, and they have something wrong in their heads where they believe the color of skin or genetics divides humanity.
No group is going around killing white people. There is no war outside of the one in the minds of these people. This is xenophobia 101 (and it looks a lot like PTSD) triggered by seeing people who don’t reflect back certain visual traits these individuals uphold as being ‘same’ and ‘safe.’ It’s tribalism in the modern world, and it’s time to get over it.
Xenophobias is an irrational fear (like the irrational fears created by PTSD or anxiety) that these people are unwilling to overcome. These people want to change their environment to the point of ethnic cleansing and genocide because they are unwilling to face the messed up things in their psyche that constantly compares the number of white skinned people to other skinned people and feels threatened. This is a mental disorder that can be overcome, but like the people with messed up things in their head, that person has to want to get over it first.
Watching these bigots march is like watching a bunch of alcoholics march down a street screaming the thing ruining their lives—that made them lose jobs, alienated them from friends and family, kept them from being in control of their actions, created a burden on their loved ones and society as a whole— is really good for them and the world should accept burning as a result. It’s like turning on America’s state run news (Fox) and watch them all congratulate and encourage drinking for alcoholics cuz surely it’s the right thing and who cares who gets hurts because a bunch of drunk people took to the streets in cars. Does that seem irrational? It sure does. But if you ever had PTSD, you can understand how the most irrational thoughts can seem rational when you’re too afraid to face what’s happening in your own head.
And that’s the core of it all. A white nationalist is a coward.
White nationalists are cowards not only because they are threatened by the mere existence of other people with a different skin tone or culture or language, but they’re too afraid to look inside their psyche and face that irrational fear. They are unwilling to do the hard work to heal and change and stop making war with people who don’t even know they exist. You think the gay person walking down the street, or the black person sitting at work, or the Mexican chatting with friends is even aware that this one person looking around is threatened by them? No. That war of hatred and irrational fear of a threat to personal safety lives in the mind of the white nationalist, not the massive human population who is just living their lives. Xenophobia is a false reality of the mind, and to not face that false reality and tear it down to live a better life is, yeah, absolutely cowardly.
This is all bigots everywhere. This is every person who has ever lied to themselves to feel better about the world around them. It’s part of human nature—a way to cope in times of stress—but it’s twisted and never turned off when it comes to bigotry, and the consequences are so much worse. Bigots won’t face the monsters in their heads to see their actions and irrational hatred are completely their own fault, and they instead blame things like the existence of other human beings on this giant globe. And then they try to get rid of all those other humans, or just as badly, they look the other way so they can pretend an ethnic cleansing isn’t happening.
What is happening in America with the removal of legal and illegal immigrants in this country by ICE is an ethnic cleansing. The caging of children of asylum seekers at the border is an inhumane hate crime. If you’re lying to yourself that what is happening is anything else, you are a coward.
But hey, there are a lot of cowards out there. I know, cuz again, while I sought to heal my PTSD, I watched so many run from it and die with it, including my own father. People would rather contribute to the wall of silence and lies that allows atrocities to happen than face their flaws and irrational fears.
Brace yourselves for Sunday, babes. Even if nothing goes down, it is a symbol of what is happening in this country. The President of the United States, his administration, and everyone who watches the state run media, Fox News, wants to see an ethnic cleansing of America. They want to take this country from Americans and only let the ‘white people’ stay. It doesn’t matter what lies they spew, what justifications they make; they refuse to look inside and face the fear that has led them to contribute to the xenophobia in this country. They want you to hear what they say because that is all they can bear to focus on instead of the sickening, dark hole inside they’re running from. That’s why they keep repeating the irrational lie over and over—they need a mantra to keep from staring into the abyss their soul has been consumed by.
Human beings make the rules. We have an ability to rewrite the rules. We have an ability to break the rules. We have an ability to choose our actions every single day. There should never be a law that allows the demoralization, imprisonment, and/or death of another human being based on where they happened to be born, the color of their skin, their social status, their wealth, their sexuality, or their culture. If someone falls back on that, again, they’re a coward and an accomplice by justifying bigotry and inhumane acts.
These people can talk at me all they like with their bullshit justifications, but I see through them. I see their fear, and I name it every time. You have to name it because if they grow complacent in their irrational fear and hatred, they will feel empowered to act. Silence empowers the bigots just as much as agreement because all they hear is their internal mantra of nonsense justification.
Be courageous, babes, and don’t be silent. It’s the only way to have the life you want. No fear is greater than the soul crushing consequence of never living your life.
It’s the wolf shifters against the rest of the paranormals, in a world that’s gone to Hell.
In a Dystopian world where every human has died and the paranormals are left to fend for themselves, fated mates are impossible to find. And when found, dangerous to keep!
Get your copy of the New World Shifters today!
Warning: M/M sex and sweet happily ever afters.
Includes: The Omega Shift, Saving the Omega and The Alpha’s Omega Mate.
The Sebastian Chronicles is a series of 5 Erotic Paranormal Short Stories that take you through each century since Sebastian Benoit’s Vampiric inception.
The novelettes in this series (in order) are:
Book 1 – Sebastian, the beginning (MF)
Book 2 – My servant, my lover (MF/MM)
Book 3 – Wealthy ménage (MF/MM/MFM/Menage)
Book 4 – Prohibition inhibitions (MF/MM/MFM/MMF/BDSM/Menage)
Book 5 – The Tryst (MF)
Throughout the chronicles, we live vicariously by way of our beloved Sebastian’s memories. Via his trials and tribulations, love lost and love found, only to have it disappear yet once again.
His love knows no boundaries, but will he ever find another whose soul binds with his?
Bound by an ancient prophecy, freed by love.
Mages have lived by a prophecy that states that once there are two mage houses left, one must kill the other to maintain a magical balance. But the prophecy is disrupted when a new mage is revealed and begins killing everyone in his path.
Simon Moonspell and Tobias Bloodworth, the last two mages of the ancient houses, must put their animosity aside in order to stop this new mage and fulfill the prophecy. However, when their hatred slowly turns to love, can they remain impartial or will they be forced to battle to the death?
It was a soft kiss, chaste. Andrew knew that if he pressed for more, he could end up destroying the precious moment completely. But even so, he found himself wrapping his hand around the back of Eiran’s neck, and moving closer.
At first, Eiran jumped. But Andrew held him firmly in place. When he felt Eiran relax, he drew him close. He didn’t care about his arm, or the fact that he was hurting, just a little. Soon, he moved forward, causing Eiran to land on the bed. Those cold, icy eyes were still there. Andrew hesitated. “Are you sure? are you really sure?”
– Dying at the hands of government goons was always going to happen. Waking up in a dark and twisted afterlife? Not the plan. –
Seraphim has the superhuman ability to control his own brain. Or at least, he used to, before his government-mandated brain surgery. The surgery killed him, but life isn’t over yet. He’s just woken up, shivering and alone, in the rain-soaked alleyway of a city he doesn’t recognize.
Fiend is a childhood monster. Dreamed up by Seraphim’s friend Wish, he was imprisoned in Wish’s subconscious until the birth of Wish City, a place for people with superhuman abilities to take refuge after death. Now Fiend is free—and in charge—and he’s on the hunt for anyone with abilities once they cross over.
Eager to play with his new toy, Fiend quickly makes contact with Seraphim. Lost and injured, Seraphim lets Fiend slither into his heart. But under the aching pleasure the two find with each other is a hunger that can’t be denied, and lurking in the shadows of the neon city are truths neither man nor monster is ready to face.
How to Love a Monster is a gay erotic horror romance featuring twisted and kinky M/M sex, a diabolical love interest, and an HEA ending.
It was more than just a secret.
Hank Mapplethorpe is hiding something big. When he meets the young and defiant Noah Palmer at a party, he wonders if he should finally let that secret go. That’s when he sees Adam Newton, a mysterious and famous photographer, known for his subversive imagery.
Hank never felt comfortable with other guys, so he decides to stay away from them both. He has secrets. Too many to count. Although the two alphas claim to understand him, they need to know one thing: Hank gave up looking for love a long time ago.
“The best love is made in threes…”
Adam and Noah know all about desire. Dark impulses keep them awake at night, and the pleasures that society won’t accept, they refuse to let go. So when Hank decides to take off his robe and show the world who he really is, they fall for him hard.
Love wasn’t supposed to come this easy, but the three of them want more. There’s only one way to the heart, but they never expected a love triangle as deep as this. If Hank finds the strength to come out, can he discover love in the arms of two men?
Omega in Lace is a full-length MMM gay romance novel with a dash of mpreg. It is a 45,000 word omegaverse book. This novel contains hot and sexy leather action & some menage scenes, passionate angst & desire, and a HEA – a beautiful baby to keep you smiling for days. This mpreg romance is meant for 18+ readers.
Being acquitted of Jamie’s murder won’t bring him back. Syed might be free, but he’s lost his lover and his sub, along with his sense of control, his libido, his friends, and the stomach to inflict the kind of pain Jamie thrived on. Even his high-rise apartment doesn’t suit him anymore.
Dashiell is drawn to the handsome man he represented in court, but he’s promised himself never to get involved with another confident playboy. His next boyfriend—if he can find such a thing—will see him as something more than a backup plan for a better offer. And how could he ever give a man like Syed what he wants anyway?
Dashiell fears the day Syed will ask him to bear more pain than he can handle as Syed struggles to reconcile how he’s coming to feel about Dashiell with how he still feels about Jamie. Can their fledgling relationship survive the discovery that Syed’s new sub might be representing the man who murdered his last sub?
Jamie deserves justice, Dashiell deserves love, and Syed wants to be the one to give both these men exactly what they need.
Content warning: this book includes descriptions of homophobic hate crimes. There is very mild BDSM content.