Tough week out in the world and my heart is feeling so heavy today. The repeal of the HB2 bill in North Carolina was a fucking joke as they scrambled to make money off of college football; there are no actual protections, trans teenagers are still in danger, and now they have to wait 3 whole years for the right to even pass a law protecting anyone against discrimination. ICE is now arresting undocumented immigrants while they’re filing for their green cards—they’re using the filing process as a way to track them down. They are going into our communities, singling out the ones trying to do things by the law, and punishing them. ICE is breaking up families, communities, and this damn country. And the first responders to these terrible stories? They’re the ones that say minorities, strangers, those different don’t deserve basic human rights. These are the voices cheering and I have never wanted to commit violence against my fellow man the way I have when I hear them.
I have never had something wonderful happen in my life and not wished that everyone could share it. Even my moments of self-centeredness as I thought too much inwards never stopped my heart from wanting the best for all of us. I don’t understand all these people that feel happiness, hearth, and home should be restricted to them alone. That the government should only protect their existence and their right to live. This idea of scarcity, like if other people find joy in this country, they will somehow not have a chance at it. Joy spreads if it is allowed to; it lifts all of us up when it lifts one. Communities grow together, not in small pieces.
But it is not joy these people are calling for, it’s hatred and destruction. Their selfishness disgusts me. I feel at war with all this hatred and apathy and the ugliness seems to have taken root and grown. My ability to forgive is slipping away—I’m not even sure forgiveness is the right answer to a problem like this. And it’s only been two months.
As a now grown battered child, I am well aware of the messages out there that pervade our society. That there can be some people innately deserving of the hate because they exist differently. I was born into poverty and violence and I had to spend every day telling the world I am worth something just to survive. It would have been a lot easier if the nameless masses would have stopped blaming their problems on the poor, on the children that need help, on the people born different from them that dared to live even though their circumstances weren’t their vision of ideal. My existence hurt no one, but these people crush millions with their cruel disregard for the rights of all life, the life that looks different then theirs.
I gotta find some joy to spread because I don’t want this hatred to blossom in me either. So… I dunno. I guess I’ll share a little fic I’m working on at the bottom of this newsletter this week. Because unicorns make shit better.
Anyone have any ridiculously cute pictures of baby animals or something? I could use some ridiculously cute pics today. I can pop them up on the website version of the newsletter if anyone else needs a smile. Fuck, I need a smile.
Got some new goodies for you all. Oh, and this is the last week to get My Broken Angel at $0.99 and the same for snagging The Autumn Prince and Bite for free. It’s all below with pretty links. And I’m doing another sneak peek of Sorcerer Slayer this week (what, you thought you were going to get my newsletter and not have to read things? Ha!) I don’t want to go too deep into the story plot cus I feel like it would be too spoilerish so I think this time I’m going to settle on introducing… Vincent. Long scene but it’s full of happenings.
Clouded Hell by J. R. Gray $0.99
I survive on avoidance. Physical pain to avoid the mental. Disposable flesh to avoid relationships. Work to avoid attachment. My club became my empire of avoidance. Inside the ring millions are won and lost. The fight is confined to breaths, actions and reactions, fists and pain. Rules don’t exist. Only my opponent exists.
I’d been avoiding my needs for far too long when Remi stumbles into the Inferno and I’m hungry. The promise of a submissive with no attachment is far too tempting. I can’t resist him. He was only supposed to be a distraction, but I know I’ll never get over him. There isn’t a chance in this clouded hell.
Innocence Sold: First Time Bareback Cowboys Free
Cole Berry has been an obedient pastor’s son all his life—but now, all that’s about to change.
When he lost his mother to cancer, he found out something about his father that he has never been able to forgive. And although it was a scandal in their gossipy small town, Cole doesn’t feel his father was ever punished enough for this transgression.
But he’s about to be.
Instead of asking for donations for church repairs at the town fair, Cole intends to make an entirely different announcement. He’s gay—and he’ll be auctioning off his virginity to the highest bidder.
The entire town is in the crowd, and most of them are shocked… but some are thinking of bidding. Among them is local loner cowboy Beckett Walsh, whose divorce alienated him from the community a couple of years back. Cole is beautiful, sure enough, but is this really what either of them wants?
My Secret Brony (rough draft—chapter one)
Josh was trying to finish the rest of his classwork so he could leave on time but he was having a really hard time focusing. Most of his classmates had already left and his teacher was erasing down the white board before leaving for the day. It was a beautiful summer afternoon outside and his college had huge windows that were cracked open to let the fresh air in. On the other side of the glass was a green expanse of rolling hills and clear skies that were seen through the little garden. Not that he noticed. No, he was too busy staring at the two guys to the right of him that were not so quietly fighting
His eyes sliding to the side again, Josh watched as Carter slowly walked a little plastic figurine across Skylar’s desk. By the glare Skylar was sending and the way his teeth were grit, he looked about ready to punch Carter in the face.
It was difficult not to stare at Skylar even when he wasn’t growling at his best friend. Skylar was just so… Wow. He was gorgeous, which probably should have been enough with those flashing, intense eyes of his and full, red lips. He had a great body too, fit, lithe, with shoulders that Josh had more than a few occasions found himself staring at instead of his whatever he was supposed to be doing. But on top of being totally sexy, Skylar was also ridiculously adorable. Crazily so.
For one, he wore rainbow nail polish. Josh had never seen anything like it before but he had a feeling Carter must have gotten it. It changed colors and it had to be magic, and Carter was the only sorcerer Josh knew that attended the school. Which might have totally sucked, because if Carter was getting Skylar gifts, they were totally dating. Except, if they were dating, Skylar wouldn’t always look like he was ready to throw Carter through a damn window. No, Carter treated Skylar like a little brother he liked to annoy the sanity out of. He was both super protective while teasing him mercilessly. It was kind of weird.
Not that he cared or anything… Fine, he fucking cared. Skylar was just, well, awesome. Since the first day he had walked into class a month ago, Josh hadn’t been able to think of anyone else. With his handsome features and shoulder length blond hair dyed blue and pink, Skylar had been impossible to look away from. He was just so confident, and gorgeous, and he didn’t take shit from anyone.
“Stop being a dick,” Skylar hissed. Josh jolted when a thud sounded. When he looked up, Skylar had both his hands on his desk and Carter’s hand pinned down beneath them.
“Come on, it’s cute.” Carter smiled winningly but it did nothing to cool the angry heat to Skylar’s glare. “Just like you. Did you see the sparkles?”
“Fuck you and your damn sparkles.”
Snorting, Carter ducked down and whispered something in Skylar’s ear. Josh watched as a blush reddened Skylar’s cheeks. Skylar opened his mouth, obviously ready to explode. When Carter pulled away to get out of reach, the figurine that was trapped in his hand fell to the floor and skittered under Josh’s desk.
Blinking down at the blue vinyl horse, Josh stopped pretending to finish his classwork. He stooped and snagged the figurine. Up close, it was even cuter than first thought, and he had to bite his lip to keep from grinning. It was a unicorn with adorable little wings and its mane sparkled with rainbow glitter. It suited Skylar perfectly and he loved it.
He glanced up and found both Skylar and Carter staring at him. Fighting a blush to have his crush actually looking at him, Josh immediately reached over to hand the unicorn back. “Uh… here. Sorry.”
“I don’t want it,” Skylar said flatly while looking at Josh’s hand like he was holding something offensive.
Realizing he wasn’t going to actually take the figurine, Josh stood and placed it on Skylar’s desk. He couldn’t help but smile to find the little unicorn was able to stand on its own. “Did you name it?”
“No.” Glaring down at his desk, Skylar added huffily, “Horses are stupid.”
“No they’re not.” Josh was quick to pick up the blue pony and point out the wings and horn. “Besides, he’s a winged unicorn. They’re super cool.”
Blushing brighter, Skylar shook his head fiercely without saying another word, his face hidden behind a curtain of brightly dyed hair. Josh couldn’t help but stare down at the top of Skylar’s head, surprised with just how shy he was being.
Actually… the unicorn in his hand had the same hairdo as Skylar. “You know, if you had a tattoo of a stormcloud on your butt, you’d be just like this unicorn,” Josh teased gently.
“I don’t!” Skylar jumped up, his hand covering his jeans as he whirled and glared at both Skylar and Carter, who was snickering behind his hand.
Confused, Josh quickly tried to apologize. “I was just joking. I know you’re not a unicorn or anything. It’s not like people can turn into unicorns.” He gave a wistful smile.
“They can’t,” Skylar insisted, his glare focused over Josh’s shoulder where Carter was now outright laughing. “Fuck you,” he snarled, reaching over to shove Carter’s arm. With a final glare, Skylar whirled, his multicolored hair floating around his head as he stomped out the classroom door.
Josh stared after him in dismay, the unicorn still clutched in his hand. Skylar had left all his books and everything.
Fuck, he had barely said anything to the guy and it had been enough to send him out the door.
Sighing, he looked down at the blue unicorn, his brows furrowed in thought. He had just wanted to talk to Skylar, maybe find something in common or whatever. How he had managed to get the kid pissed off at him, he wasn’t really sure but it felt like a total defeat. He had been trying to get up the nerve to talk to Skylar since he had first met him—Damn, the guy just did something to him. Crazy things that made his heart race and his palms sweat, and made him think teasing him when he was angry was a good idea.
His laughter finally under control, Carter combed his blond locks back into place as he stepped up beside Josh.
“He forgot his pony.” Josh held it up, a part of him not want to relinquish the little unicorn.
“Don’t take it personally. He’s a fucking grump this time of day.” Rummaging into his pockets, Carter nodded at the figurine. “You should go bring him it. He loves the damn thing no matter how much he yells. But first… give him one of these.”
Blinking in confusion, Josh just stared as Carter opened his palm to reveal two sugar cubes. When he didn’t immediately take them, Carter grabbed his hand and poured them into Josh’s grasp.
“Why would I…?” Josh asked hesitantly.
“Because he’s grumpy and this is the only way to cheer him up.” Carter flashed him a knowing smile.
Staring at his handful of sugar cubes and the way each individual crystal caught the light of the room, Josh again looked up in confusion. Carter was a weird guy. His father was supposedly some big sorcerer bigshot but Carter didn’t go to a magic school even though he was clearly capable of doing magic. It was weird. Carter was also popular even though he was a magic user. Josh wasn’t sure if that was because he was actually a nice guy or if he knew spells to make people like him. You never really knew with sorcerers, especially ones that seemed to take pissing his friend off as his main hobby.
“Do you really feed your best friend sugar cubes?” Josh finally asked, feeling like the question had to be voiced.
“When I want him to be nice and not yell at me? Yeah, all the fucking time,” Carter responded like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Feeling like he might be about to piss Skylar off even more, Josh just nodded silently and closed his fingers around the sweet treats. He didn’t have to actually give them to Skylar. He could just go find him and apologize for upsetting him. And if Skylar wanted to maybe go out for coffee or something after with him—totally as a way to make up for things—that would be really cool too.
Josh found Skylar outside the school exit. He was hunched over next to the water fountain, muttering to himself while he tugged fitfully at his blue tinted bangs. Skyar didn’t seem to notice him, not until he was right next to him. Even then, he only glanced his way, his eyes narrowing warily when he saw the pony in Josh’s hand.
Josh held up the blue unicorn and indicated the flowing tail. “You have to admit, the hair is just like yours.” He was hoping for a more reasonable conversation now that Carter wasn’t there to laugh. But Skylar immediately huffed and his shoulders tensed, and he once again looked like he was about to take a swing at him.
Clearing his throat nervously, Josh hesitantly held up his other hand, wondering if this was about to get him punched in the face. Carter did everything he could to annoy Skylar and he couldn’t help but assume that this was just another in the long line of stupid pranks. Still, he was willing to try anything if only to get Skylar to stop thinking he was being an asshole. He slowly opened his hand and revealed the two sugar cubes.
His breath hitching, Skylar’s gaze fixed on his hand. Josh braced himself, certain he was going to get yelled at, if not shoved. The moment stretched on, Skylar’s stare eventually raising to meet his. There was a wariness in his gaze even as he edged closer to where Josh was standing. “Are those for me?”
“Y-Yeah. Uh, if you want them.” Josh was pretty sure he had lost his mind. Skylar was looking at his hand like he was holding treasure instead of a couple of crumpled sugar cubes. It got even more strange when Skylar suddenly dipped his head down, his breath hot as it moved over Josh’s open palm. Holding himself impossibly still, he could only stare when Skylar’s lips parted and his tongue teased out to steal one of the treats.
Skylar made a soft noise of satisfaction and Josh jolted, the sound going straight to his dick. When he dared to look at him, he found Skylar had straightened and was gazing up at him, his hair hiding one of his eyes, red lips parted to reveal the sugar cube he had caught and was slowly sucking on.
Finding everything about Skylar impossibly sexy, Josh did his best to keep his voice from cracking. “You uh… you really like these things, huh?”
God, he wanted to kiss him. Holding himself back, Josh instead raised his palm and gave a hesitant lick to the other white cube. The shock of flavor surprised him but not as much as the noise Skylar made when he saw him. Looking his way, he found Skylar staring at his hand hungrily as if afraid he was going to eat the sugar on him.
“Did you want it?”
Nodding quickly, Skylar stepped right in front of him, his mouth immediately going for Josh’s hand. It brought his face inches from his and Josh held his breath, his eyes wide as Skylar pressed his lips against his fingers and his tongue lapped out. Skylar moaned into his palm from the intense sweetness hitting his tongue and the world went hazy. Before he could pull away, Josh crossed the space and pressed his lips to the corner of Skylar’s mouth.
Gasping, Skylar turned his head, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. He glanced through his lashes up at Josh while the sugar melted in his mouth.
Not sure just what the hell had come over him, Josh couldn’t help but notice that Skylar hadn’t actually stepped away from him. “Didn’t that bother you?”
Glancing his way again, Skylar shrugged. “Tastes like sugar. I like sugar. A lot.” His gaze drifted to Josh’s lips a moment, only to glance away.
Josh really wasn’t sure what to make of Skylar. No straight guy would just pretend he hadn’t kissed him. Actually, it seemed like a passive opening to let him do it again. His eyes catching on Skylar’s hand, he grabbed it in his own and lifted it up to study his rainbow colored nails. “I like your nail polish.” He met Skylar’s dark eyes, his own mouth going dry. “You’re really cute, Skylar.”
“Err…” His cheeks turning red, Skylar quickly looked away. “I don’t, uh, like guys,” he mumbled.
“Really?” It was hard to believe him when he was blushing so cutely. Not to mention how his breath had sped up but he hadn’t actually tried to pull away even now. Josh looked down, his breath hitching when he found Skylar’s jeans bulging slightly. “I haven’t seen you with a girlfriend.” Josh dared to lean in closer, his lips brushing Skylar’s cheek. “Are you sure you don’t like guys?”
His blush moving down his neck, Skylar took a step back but didn’t pull his hand away. “You don’t understand… If you really knew what I was, you wouldn’t be interested.”
How he could manage to look even cuter was beyond him. “I really like you.” Josh stepped forward, pulling Skylar closer, breathing in the scent of his skin as he spoke into his ear. “There’s nothing you can say that would make me not like you. Promise.” He used his other hand to tilt Skylar’s chin his way, his eyes glued on his parted, red lips.
His breath coming out in quick gasps, Skylar made a choking cough noise and stumbled back. His hair fell forward over his forehead as he ducked his face but it did nothing to hide the horn that had suddenly sprouted.
Wide eyed, Josh could only stare. It was a silver horn. In the center of his forehead. Spiraled, sharp pointed, and wicked looking. He was vaguely aware of a pain in his hand and when he looked down he found he had a death grip on the little blue unicorn figurine. His eyes took in the silver horn on the toy, noticing it was a perfect, if not smaller replica of Skylar’s.