Category: Random Author Babble

march 5

Okay, updates are not worth this bs

One update just killed the embedded font throughout the website. I got it fixed (hours later because I’m just too freaking new to this shit) and I just want to sleep. The last half a week has totally sucked. Had a bad allergy reaction to my allergy shot, had to wait the weekend to have it fixed, only to have it brushed off and sick again an hour after the next shot. @[email protected] I’ve been having fevers constantly and my energy is flagging, but I’m not having the telltale mark around the injection site. I’m not flaming up even though the Parkinson’s is running rampant. My life has turned into running down a million fucking symptoms be it computer or health and slamming against a wall until I finally solve it.

I dunno. I gotta figure this out. I don’t want to slide backwards again and lose the health I gained. I just want something to be easy. If this shit didn’t steal my brain away at the same time, it might not always feel like such a struggle. *sigh* Whatev. Tomorrow is never the same, yeah?


March 3

Freaking disorganization…

There has to be an easier way to organize emails and comments. I know I’m slow with this shit–I mean, I’m crawling at the moment when it comes to answering emails. I want some sort of system where if I forget, I can be reminded and deal with it at the same time every day. I think it’s one of those things where, if I don’t commit to the same time every day, I’m just going to procrastinate forever.

I love the comments and emails, btw, just to be clear. I’m just a mess when it comes to time management. You know, because the world we live in requires a management of something so completely out of our control like time. @[email protected] Ugh. How do people do this?! It takes me two-three days just to get around to refilling my damn supplements for the week.


February 28

Oh dear…

I just discovered I can create tables like in Excel but on the website, and then link individual cells into whatever part of the website I want. I see this becoming a doomed obsession of neurotic word count. Yes, I’ll be making it to save time so I won’t have to do the counting again later, but that’s only because I obsessively count this shit in the first place. @[email protected]

This will be FUN.♥ Because that’s the monster I have for a brain. >_>


February 28

Insomnia :/

Dealing with some very frustrating insomnia the last few days. It’s a weird type, and I’m not super sure how to deal with it. I fall asleep around 4:30 am, get woken when the bf leaves for work, and then I’m suddenly wide awake about 2 hours later. It’s about 5 hours sleep total, which isn’t bad, but my body just drags for hours after, exhausted, trying to get those last hours I missed. It’s a gross limbo where I’m not really awake but I can’t sleep. I usually end up falling asleep again a little after noon, and when I wake up, I feel like a person again but I’ve lost so much time.

I’ve been wanting to get up at a ‘proper’ time. Sleeping through daylight leads to issues, the most annoying being how everything is closed and I turn into an antisocial mess. >_> Ugh, but this is like zombie mornings of doom, and I don’t know why my body keeps doing this. I feel like I’m losing half my day. :/


February 26

I might have started exercising again…

I’ve been putting it off this time around now that my health is back. I’m really just so wary of it all, I think. But I spent 30 minutes doing aerobic exercise yesterday and it was easy. I mean, weirdly easy. Lol, when you can breathe, everything feels so much easier. I keep expecting that being sick this long would naturally lead to muscle atrophy; it just makes sense. But whatever the mold toxicity, allergies, and Parkinson’s have done, it doesn’t seem to have led to any kind of long term muscular problems. As long as I ensure my body gets dopamine where it needs to get it, I’m fine.

I want to push to have a more active lifestyle–and it will take pushing. I’m not good at doing something without a proper purpose. The idea of running on a wheel like a mouse just doesn’t fit my idea of life. But I need to get this body moving. We’re not like machines; we don’t wear down faster when we move. No, this organic form needs conflict and mild forms of stress to push it to grow and evolve and adapt. Muscle growth requires the small breakage of those muscle fibers first before healing into a form that can handle more weight. It’s a strangely profound metaphor for life.

Being uncomfortable may feel like shit, but when you embrace it as life defining moments that build you into something greater than you started, it takes on a whole new meaning.