Category: Random Author Babble

February 28

Insomnia :/

Dealing with some very frustrating insomnia the last few days. It’s a weird type, and I’m not super sure how to deal with it. I fall asleep around 4:30 am, get woken when the bf leaves for work, and then I’m suddenly wide awake about 2 hours later. It’s about 5 hours sleep total, which isn’t bad, but my body just drags for hours after, exhausted, trying to get those last hours I missed. It’s a gross limbo where I’m not really awake but I can’t sleep. I usually end up falling asleep again a little after noon, and when I wake up, I feel like a person again but I’ve lost so much time.

I’ve been wanting to get up at a ‘proper’ time. Sleeping through daylight leads to issues, the most annoying being how everything is closed and I turn into an antisocial mess. >_> Ugh, but this is like zombie mornings of doom, and I don’t know why my body keeps doing this. I feel like I’m losing half my day. :/

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February 26

I might have started exercising again…

I’ve been putting it off this time around now that my health is back. I’m really just so wary of it all, I think. But I spent 30 minutes doing aerobic exercise yesterday and it was easy. I mean, weirdly easy. Lol, when you can breathe, everything feels so much easier. I keep expecting that being sick this long would naturally lead to muscle atrophy; it just makes sense. But whatever the mold toxicity, allergies, and Parkinson’s have done, it doesn’t seem to have led to any kind of long term muscular problems. As long as I ensure my body gets dopamine where it needs to get it, I’m fine.

I want to push to have a more active lifestyle–and it will take pushing. I’m not good at doing something without a proper purpose. The idea of running on a wheel like a mouse just doesn’t fit my idea of life. But I need to get this body moving. We’re not like machines; we don’t wear down faster when we move. No, this organic form needs conflict and mild forms of stress to push it to grow and evolve and adapt. Muscle growth requires the small breakage of those muscle fibers first before healing into a form that can handle more weight. It’s a strangely profound metaphor for life.

Being uncomfortable may feel like shit, but when you embrace it as life defining moments that build you into something greater than you started, it takes on a whole new meaning.

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February 22

And now I’m going to hit my head against a wall…

No, no bedtime. Already 5 am dealing with the fact that Paypal won’t process the subscription on the checkout page but it will on any other page. WTF?

I am so sick of computers. This shit is all about WORKING, making life easier, but it never works. It never does what it’s supposed to. All I do is find workarounds to make broken software thousands to fucking millions of people use every fucking day. Tech is finicky like it’s organic, but it’s not organic, it’s fucking tech, so work! Ugh.

I might have to sign up for some sort of exclusive paypal thing, except this shit shouldn’t even require it, and it may not even be the problem but the fact that it’s a virtual product but not a download–this is stupid shit! Stupid, pointless, who the fuck puts something out there broken instead of, you know, fixing your damn shit?!

I’m so tired. =_= bitchy and tired and this shit never ends.

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February 22

Seriously? Ugh…

Spent the day transferring people and I’ve only gotten 42 done? This is going to take forever. =_=

I don’t even understand why this is taking so long. I can’t seem to get a damn flow. I’m stopping now because it’s something I don’t want to make mistakes about, and being tired = mistakes. I don’t feel like I’m moving slowly. If anything, it feels like the world is way too slow. Waiting for a webpage to load feels excruciating. I’m set to a certain pace and the computer just can’t keep up.

I dunno, I might have to tap the love of my life in for some back up, otherwise this is going to take so freaking long. I’m so done with this computer shit. I want to get back to writing. I have so many damn ideas and I’m just stuck waiting, being a boring adult instead of getting to the good stuff.

My goal is to get it done before the weekend. Problem solving; it’s my thing. So I’ll just problem solve this into a more streamlined solution.

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February 21

Blahhhhhhh…

I hate repetition. I feel like I’m trapped doing homework or some shit while transferring members. Normally I’d turn this into an assembly line sort of thing, but I don’t feel confident enough in trying to mass produce something that if I were to fuck up could result in passwords sent to the wrong people, or cancellation dates being messed up. So this. Redundant, repetitive, mundane data entry.

When I was young and full of terrible anxiety, I used to think data entry would be the perfect job. How simple. Just put info in the right boxes and never have to talk to a living soul. Bliss. Seeing as I want to claw my eyes out, I might have been idealizing that particular occupation just a tad. >_>

Yes, I stopped to bitch! I’m bored, and I hate this, and now that I’m in my 30’s I’m fucking done with homework! XD I want to blast something loud and energizing but the bf is napping right next to me as I work. *grumpy face*

Boooorrrrreeeddd!

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February 21

I dreamed of CSS :/

I wish I was joking, but no. I kept waking up, my mind racing, trying to solve whatever pointless echo of a problem it was remembering from the computer stuff. So glad to be done with this. My house is a mess; I honestly can’t say when I last showered or even ate a proper meal. Sleep? Ha.

The next steps should flow faster. Or, at least, be so mundane that it shouldn’t actually engage my creative process enough to require full obsessive attention. Data entry. Blah. My goal is to have it all done by the weekend, then to recover and get back to writing.

I haven’t taken my supplements in a couple days. I’m kinda using the down time as an excuse to test my limits now that my health has returned. It’s been interesting. I have to actively remember I’ve been sick now. Like, I’ve already forgotten because the pain is gone and my clarity is back. It’s really unexpected considering just how long I have unconsciously identified myself as ill. I think I need a new author photo, actually. I don’t need the mask anymore (well, as long as I stay out of that messed up room full of who the hell knows what.) Everything has changed and my consciousness needs to catch up…

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February 19

Almost done, for real

As excruciating as updating the website was, there is a silver lining in all this. 1) it looks fucking awesome! Seriously, it’s gorgeous. I feel like it’s my damn birthday or something, I’m just so happy with how it looks and responds. 2) I will never, ever, ever have to take a fucking week to update the website again. No, I spent the entire day today (after finally convincing myself it was worth the effort) to put in the css ID’s for both pattern styles on each and every damn page. Argyle and Skulls each have their own setting. That way, the next time I want to change out the background images, update fonts, etc, I just go into my theme editor, go to the corresponding css sections, and I can change everything in the matter of seconds. No joke. No more going in page to page to adjust little font colors on specific backgrounds on every page; it’s all in the css now. If I decide the skulls are too busy (but they’re so cute! I learned how to make seamless background! <3) I can switch out to a png image and change the font color to contrast in moments. Love it!

It’s such a fucking relief. I’ve been using this cool search/replace plugin that lets me update the database in an instant, but for whatever reason, it wouldn’t update any transparent pngs. The code would change but I was forced to go to every page that png was on, open it up in the editor and save it before it would load the new image. Every fucking time. @_@ Not with the ID tags. Nope, I just update the image there and it loads those pngs like it’s nothing. Thank fuck.

So, yeah, a fuck ton of time spent now, but worth it to avoid all the time I would have spent later. And I would have. I’m fucking neurotic and obsessive and yeah, apparently getting healthy means my brain has more power over my impulses than before. There is no way I can play an RPG again; I would never stop.

A few more things to wrap up from building the new landing pages for the $5 options, and remembering which little option (totally doesn’t do what it says it will do) that keeps making it so my shop is invisible to non members. Fucking obnoxious. And then sending out emails with new passwords, etc. But almost done. I can’t wait to start creating a ton of content to flood this beautiful site with. <3

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February 16

Whoa, what?!!!

I think I finally understand CSS! XD

Shit, okay, so to be clear, I started this website when I was super sick and my cognitive function was suffering. Mold, whatever. I didn’t bother learning how to build a website but just learned the little spots here and there that I needed in the moment when shit went bad. Today, while making little div tags, I realized I have been making my life unnecessarily difficult. I don’t need to go page to page to create a layout and copy it over, I can just set a div tag (or whatever you call the damn things) and in the CSS choose things from margins to background images/colors, etc. Every fucking time. I could make a template in the CSS and then hit the right little tag that tells the computer to do everything.

Because this is how themes are made @_@ Shit, I’m slow. I would litterally make something like a header tag, set up the CSS, and then let the damn thing do it’s thing on every page. I can do a search replace right this instant (but later cuz I need to see some daylight before it’s fully gone) and place tags for all my code already made and just let the template do its thing once the template is made. Easy shit with less shortcodes! I can change all the backgrounds just by updating the CSS instead of page to page or through the database replace! Fucking win.

Seriously, how did I not see this before with all these exhausting edits? The shortcut to everything was right in front of me this entire time and I missed it. Dumb. But fuck, what a feeling to figure it out. XD This is how people make their own themes. Duh!

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February 16

Website Shit continued…

My fuck, I’m exhausted. I don’t think I’ve gotten a proper night sleep the entire week. There’s something horrendously addictive and damaging to my damn brain every time I go to do any kind of coding. Too much reward for figuring shit out, and too much challenge because I refuse to waste my time actually learning a computer language. So I’m just picking and choosing what works, trial and error.

I’m looking at the new design (the background was so plain before) and I’m just back to my love of anime/videogames every fucking time. It kinda reminds me of Kingdom Hearts, actually… (a game I cannot commit to when their story falls short every damn time. But fuck, it was pretty. <3) Lol, better than the old lady look the website had before, but yeah, I might be devolving now that I’m getting healthy. I like it though. I love bright colors, fun shit–learned how to embed a font and that looks so bitching. So yeah, enjoying the results even as I exhaust myself.

I’m hoping I’ll be done this weekend… err, after the weekend. When the bf is home I can never focus on anything proper and I suppose I should acknowledge the whole V day of doom. But yeah, soon. Hoping. @_@

Hope your week is going better than mine! <3

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February 8

Website Shit

It looks like I’m going to have to recreate the library if I want to move the memberships in as painless a way as possible. And it’s not painless, it’s a fuck ton of work, but somehow it will be, at the very least, less obnoxious for members even if I’m losing my mind staring at the damn computer for hours on end to get this shit done. Thank fuck I compressed the library last month. It’s actually going to be easier to copy/paste the pages and update links than move each member.

This is for ease of use later. I have to keep reminding myself this. Neurotic, stupid, website shit now so it’s far easier with less problematic subscription issues in the future.

In less eye bleeding news, I updated the Demon Bonded Patreon page, finally, and it’s no longer an ugly ass mess. I’m liking the idea of getting character bios up there for each major series I’m working on. I naturally don’t have the damn time to write up the bios now, but I was able to get Ky and Lovely up there at least. I’d rather be updating the actual story but yeah, I can only do twenty things at a time. @_@

I’m going to bed. I did not beat the sun and it’s too bright outside to pretend to be awake at this point.

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