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Hellcat Is Live! 🐯 Plus Fight To Keep The Internet Free!

Hellcat is published and live!

Okay, so this story was initially meant to be a quick Halloween erotic short. Grump nerd is grumpy. Witch moves in and her familiar molests grumpy nerd. Grumpy nerd overwhelmed and seeks to find witch to be free from horny Hellcat. Grumpy nerd realizes it’s love, the end. Hellcat became so much more—lol, but still has those roots. XD 101,000 words. It’s actually amazing when I think of the journey this book took. It transformed more than Sean and Soot did. There will be a sequel, one I plan on focusing on once Sorcerer Slayer is done. I’m already rereading what I’ve written so far with Sorcerer Slayer and getting ready to go forward! Whoot!

ARC reviewers, Hellcat is now in your section of the website if you’re interested in reading and reviewing. And for anyone who picks up Hellcat, please review. It doesn’t even have to be nice XD but I think people are really going to like the book, and I’d love to hear how you feel about it. I’m trying something totally new and daring for the sequel, which I mention in the parting at the end about TJ, and I’m a little worried that current readers might have a big ‘fuck no!’ reaction. @[email protected]

Patreon

I finally started a Patreon! This is a ‘tip jar’ scenario. Basically you pledge as little as a $1 a month and you get access to whatever is written for Patreon. My main focus will be Demon Bonded. I’m going to put the Coven Saga episodes up there that are already written this weekend… maybe all the Demon Bonded, actually, to catch everyone up… and then go from there. Oh, and I have a Liem story brewing—his own book, pretty sure by the time it’s done. He’s going to fall for a total bitchy, wild demon once he starts training with other apprentices. A total hate to love thing. I’m so excited about it.

I really want to use Patreon as an excuse to update Demon Bonded monthly. These books might not be published or fully edited in that time, but they will be there to read and more Demon Bonded will be written faster because of it.

There is a lot of vagueness on what Patreon’s adult guidelines are. They say fiction is fine (they mention Game of Thrones) but at the same time say individuals talking about rape they experienced could get them banned (wtf?) I’m having a lot of trouble understanding what the fuck their ‘line’ is. So I have a feeling all the content I have for Patreon will end up on a new section of my website. No membership filter at all, not even the free one, just a simple wall of ‘I’m an adult and allowed to read this button.’ It will be completely funded because of donations through Patreon, but the content will not be on their site to ensure I stay within their guidelines. I will use Patreon to let patrons know that something new has been posted and the links to it.

I think this is the safest, smartest way to deal with this instead of relying on Patreon to know what the fuck their morality lines are. I’m so fucking sick of morality. Amazon has started a new algorithm, pretty sure, and they’re dumping gay romance into erotica in droves. The Demon Bonded books are one by one suddenly in erotica and no longer linking as a series, and I think this is just the beginning. If you’re wondering what having a book pushed into erotica does for authors, well, please feel free to read the ranting below.

Amazon Is Kinda Homophobic, Censorship, And FOSTA/SESTA

US citizens can fill out a very easy form and email your representative immediately to demand they stop FOSTA/SESTA Yes, this is after the fact, but it’s important to continue to have your voice heard.

There is also a petition going around but it has some weird email block, so I don’t know how effective it will be.

Okay, so what the fuck is going on? A quick catch up for those who had lives and didn’t know Congress was voting to steal free speech away in the name of stopping sex trafficking, here are a few links.

How Congress Censored the Internet

Congress Just Legalized Sex Censorship

Authors of LGBT romance have been noticing their books being dumped into erotica all of a sudden on Amazon. This isn’t a new problem, but it has suddenly amped up hardcore. Most annoying for me personally, I just spent 6 months writing Hellcat, just did the last jaunt of editing, formatting, requesting ARCs, and still need to do a shit ton of promoting (after a little break. @[email protected]) I thought part of that promoting would be with an Amazon ad. I’ve only used an Amazon ad once before. It was for the release of My Broken Angel all the way back when I had all my books in KU. I made good money that month—it was actually the month where I thought I would be able to make a living being an author. I finally ‘made it.’ Then KU broke, pages stopped being counted, and I threw the subscription site together to save my ass. I was hoping a break from Amazon would give me a clear head for business when it came to their platform. Unfortunately, they took one look at Hellcat and placed it in the erotica category when it’s romance.

Oh, Hellcat’s not hearts and kisses and tears instead of cum romance, but this is a love story. And love is obsessive and full of ownership, and in the beginning when hormones are strong, there’s a lot of sex. Sex is a part of being alive. It’s actually the only reason any of us are alive. Our parents all had sex. If people stopped having sex, humanity would die out in a generation. Sex = Life. Sex isn’t shameful; it’s actually pretty fucking important.

My plans to have an Amazon ad are ruined. I cannot advertise Hellcat on Amazon because they have classified it as erotica. Erotica is not allowed to have ads on their platform, or on Bookbub; pretty much anywhere that readers go to find books outside of Instafreebie—Instafreebie is damn cool on that front. When people browse the gay romance section, there will be no potential that Hellcat will pop up on the side under Hot New Releases to help promote the book. The last week, bestseller status and ranking were stripped from erotica books, and although it has returned, there is no way to know for how long.

I first discovered how erotica is treated differently (outside of having my books banned) when Demon Arms ended up in erotica for months. I tried everything to get the book moved back; keywords, categories, changing the blurb—was the word ‘screwed’ being considered sexual to Amazon? I had no idea. Nothing worked until I contacted Amazon directly and demanded they move it back. They gave me no explanation as to why it was moved in the first place. You guys know Demon Arms, where the main characters don’t even touch for 50,000 words into the book? What the fuck happens when I publish Sorcerer Slayer? Does it just end up in erotica because I’m on some list with Amazon for writing erotic books now? Everything I write must automatically be hidden away and prevented from being advertised? Or is it because it’s gay, and gay books focus on sexuality so they must be dirty in Amazon’s eyes?

I’m fed up, and I’m worried about my future as a writer. I put a lot of work into Hellcat, a lot of love—I love this book! It’s fun, it’s quirky, it’s sexy and just a wild ride. I have never pushed myself so creatively, and I feel like it’s a turning point for me as a writer. I grew in this book. My settings and world building were fleshed out and fun and I want to keep pushing myself. This book was a joy (even when it was frustrating as fuck! XD) I’m seriously hoping Amazon doesn’t go the next step and ban Hellcat completely, because Amazon does that too. They not only prevent authors a fair share in making money off their books they deem are ‘erotic,’ but they also remove books they don’t think are allowed to exist at all. Subjects that I find again and again in straight fiction are banned from LGBT. You can blame it on an algorithm, but a human being made that algorithm. Humans are in control of why Amazon chooses to discriminate against the books they do and chooses to ban the books they do.

This week kicked my ass as I pushed myself to get this book out, and this was the final blow in a lot of ways to have Hellcat publish straight into erotica next to books about fucking the neighbor’s wife and Daddy porn. I love erotica, don’t get me wrong, but this book doesn’t belong there and how the fuck are readers going to be able to find it? How is erotica—beautiful, sexy, fun erotica—going to be able to compete against novels crafted with complex storytelling in mind? Now they’re not just competing with other books made to titillate, they’re competing with full-blown romances that are seeking a completely different mood from a reader. There is a reason we have genres, and it’s not to discriminate against books no matter how Amazon treats erotica, but to help readers find what they’re looking for.

This is what happens when censorship of fiction occurs in a ‘free’ market. There will be no boycott that will fix this, there will be no petition or outraged cry. And I’m not saying that just because many people are still so full of shame when it comes to sex, so they dumbly nod their heads when they see free speech censored in the name of morality. No, I’m saying this because Amazon is a trillion dollar company and they don’t give a fuck. They don’t have to give a fuck. They are protected by the law while individuals are not protected from being discriminated against because of America’s ‘Obscenity Laws.’ Authors talk about getting together and making this giant see reason because ‘erotica makes Amazon money,’ and I just have to laugh to myself. It’s not going to change unless Amazon chooses to stop discriminating against sex in fiction, and whatever is driving it isn’t business oriented. They don’t care about the money. Amazon has been removing erotic fiction for nearly 10 years now; they don’t like sex, especially gay sex.

Amazon is literally defining the gay romance genre by what they allow to exist. What they don’t want suddenly disappears from the market and hey, apparently that’s business. They decide what people want and what they’re allowed to read. In a truly free market, customers decide what is written. If something is popular, more is made. That’s why erotica will never disappear, btw; people like stories about fucking. It’s very popular like sex in general (and I know sex is popular cuz hey, we got billions of people on this planet who got here through sex.) That’s why we’re seeing the shifter craze move away from the vampire craze. But hey, those who like vampires still have that option because no one came along and said ‘No, vampires aren’t allowed on Amazon.’ That would be insane, never mind dickish as fuck. But that’s what Amazon does. There are authors who try to trick the system and they’re made to feel ashamed because demanding free speech and equality is ‘breaking the rules.’

I fear it’s only going to get worse with SESTA/FOSTA. It’s waiting to be signed by Trump (pretty sure it hasn’t been signed yet @[email protected]) and I can’t imagine he won’t. He has so many morality groups screaming in his ear. Some were literally calling him the second coming of Christ. Religion has deep pockets and he’s a bought man. Certain groups who have pushed this bill claim it’s the first step in removing pornography from the Internet, and yes, erotica is considered pornography which is why it’s being segregated from the other books and/or banned entirely. The ‘I know it when I see it’ rule for obscenity applies in the US, and Amazon ‘sees’ it in this case and they don’t want others seeing it. As platforms make an effort to protect themselves from the liability this bill opens up, anything in regards to sex on the Internet will become harder to access or host. Why? Because there is no way to know when someone is talking about sex, be it simple conversation, or in fiction, or in jokes, if it is or isn’t connected to sex trafficking in the real world.

So, a quick reality check. Sex trafficking can’t happen on a computer. No one can reach through the screen and kidnap someone or save them, for that matter. You cannot be sexually assaulted by a computer; you cannot be coerced by a computer. But the Internet is being held responsible for sex crimes existing in the real world by saying the Internet ‘enables’ sex crimes. The same way ‘having a penis enables rape’ in the minds of some individuals, so men = rapist. This is not a logical jump, but people are illogical all the fucking time. It may sound ‘responsible’ until you look deeper and realize it’s just people on a morality kick looking to save the world from sex crimes by punishing the existence of depictions of sex on the Internet. Congress ignored the expert testimony that this bill would in fact harm those trapped in sex trafficking by forcing perpetrators away from the Internet where it’s harder to find and rescue victims. It makes platforms liable, meaning businesses will be less likely to contact authorities if they see a crime to protect their livelihoods. It also makes it extremely unsafe for consensual sex work by removing the Internet buffer when looking for new clients.

Sex crimes don’t need a computer to happen. Humanity has a long history of being terrible to each other, and the Internet is very young in comparison. This bill takes a safe place for free speech away, as well as correlates sex with crime in an attempt to erase sex from the Internet with the mentality of just in case someone bad is doing something bad, the Internet has to be stopped.

Will the Internet be changed over this?

It’s up to the Internet. Craigslist shut down their Personals Section already because of the liability that individuals might be being exploited and the perpetrators using the service. Reddit is erasing community after community. I have a bad feeling that this new surge in Amazon erotica hunts is just the beginning in their need to ‘protect’ people from fiction, and who the hell knows what will happen once the bill is actually signed. But I am not a fortune teller. It’s very easy to shine a light and squish a bunch of objects together and say the shadows mean something. It’s the same type of leap in logic that intelligent, well-intentioned human beings use to insist it’s the Internet’s fault for sex trafficking. Reality is reality, now is now, and there is no way to know how each platform will deal with this new bill. There’s no way to know if the bill will be signed—but again, it seems unlikely that it won’t be. Congress already voted away the rights of Americans, and they’re supposed to be paid to do the exact opposite.

I host with Dreamhost, btw. I selected them from the very beginning when I was looking for a web-hosting service because I knew some of the things I write would be considered controversial and I didn’t want to be arrested. There are states in the US where people are in jail for drawings. Not even photos—and no, I don’t think a photo is a person, or that a person can be exploited by someone looking at a piece of paper or screen, just so we’re clear. In this modern, supposedly forward, technology-rich society I am a part of, people are being jailed over ink on a piece of paper and pixels on a screen because morality is fucking-over reason. Dreamhost was not only accepting of adult content, but they actually spoke up against censorship, and that struck a strong cord with me. I don’t believe what I do is wrong on any level, and I wanted a hosting company who understands that. That still doesn’t mean if these laws pass that Dreamhost will be able to keep strong against them, but I have high hopes they’ll at least try.

When Trump took office there was a huge outcry for morality, and it has been repeated again and again. Many people think they’re calling for basic decency on how we treat each other while blindly trampling on the rights of others and self. I think many want decency, and I wholeheartedly agree we should all seek to treat each other how we would wish to be treated (unless you’re a masochist. XD) But when people are caught up looking for control, looking to make what seems like a monstrous situation be sane and reasonable, they make really shitty decisions. The Patriot act was a wonderful example, and I’m sad to say this country didn’t fucking learn. As much as I point out if you don’t want to be shot by a gun, don’t surround yourself with guns, I still support the 2nd amendment because I understand the right to be allowed to defend yourself. I don’t think that right needs to be at the expense of the lives of others, but it is still an innate right to live and survive. You will die—we all die—but what living organism wouldn’t fight to stay alive? It is a choice, like all choices, and who is anyone to take that choice away?

This bill will take away the ability to say whatever the fuck you want on the Internet. Posting nude images of yourself might be subject to so many questions that platforms may remove them completely just to make sure the subject of the image isn’t being exploited sexually. Writing fiction might be decided by platforms to encourage sex crimes and be removed with creators facing criminal liability. And if that seems insane, again, there are people in jail who have never committed a crime against another human being, they just viewed and downloaded something from the Internet. Each platform will decide their ‘line’ to protect them from prosecution over the actions of individuals on their site. There is no way to know how far they will go. There’s no way to know if we won’t all wake up tomorrow and have erotica erased completely from Amazon.

I’m not saying this will come to be. I just have a very active mind and too many things to squish together to read the shadows. It won’t stop me from writing—I’m really not interested in doing anything else. XD I have yet to give a fuck about the morality of a bunch of tight-asses who can’t distinguish reality from fiction. But this is also my job where I’m seeing this storm brewing over what I do, and yeah, I’m worried. :/ Blah.

It’s a choice how to react, how to feel, and ultimately, to decide if this is going to change the way I exist in the world. I’m choosing no. Platforms may cave, they may break, but any lawsuit taken into the courts—the courts who sent word to Congress to try to stop the passing of this bill because it infringed on the 1st amendment—will support free speech. Eventually. So if it all goes to shit, we gotta hang on and still live the way we want to live. Platforms are making a choice to react. It’s up to us to choose to follow their lead and be forced into the shadows, gutters, and closets, or stand the fuck up and live life to the fullest.

This might sound weird and random, but I actually went through Hellcat in the final edit and erased God from it. There are these phrases I use that I grew up with, and I realized here I was still unable to escape that brainwashing on this level. I don’t want God in my fiction. I don’t want God in my life. We do not need some concept of judgment of every action done defining if an individual is worthy of being alive or not. If you take away God, humanity still exists free to make choices and be empowered by their actions. If you take away sex, humanity is literally dead and extinct. I want to keep the one that brings life, and it’s all sexy fun. ^^

Mated To The Demon Prince: Hellcat #1

Sean knows what those wicked, hellfire eyes want. Him, on his knees, taking every finger, tongue, tail, and tentacle.

This is what being corrupted by a demon feels like. It’s the only explanation. Sean’s not supposed to have fangs or know magic, damn it. And this bs where he’s horny and begging all the time? No, not freaking happening. He’s just a nerd—a hot, gay, totally panicky IT specialist—who needs to find a solution to his destroyed business, asap. He doesn’t have time for whatever weird this shapeshifting demon is into. Soot can’t just claim him whenever he wants, over and over again. He’s about to be homeless!

If Sean doesn’t save a witch from a dragon, it’s game over. But he’s changing, turning into someone he doesn’t recognize. He’s not sure if he can play hero, not even when Soot abducts TJ, Sean’s painfully straight crush, to the top of a tower full of witches, gargoyles, and one very pissed off dragon. TJ doesn’t know who to fear more, the demon prince or whatever it is Sean is turning into.

There has to be a way out. Stealing a 3 million dollar hellcat isn’t a binding contract to be a sex thrall, no matter how much his demon master disagrees.

Wild Boys – $0.99

8 free gay romance shorts, PLUS a free short EXCLUSIVE to this collection!

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Billionaire’s Obsession
Dirty Player
Lover In The Dark
Pinned Beneath You
Dirty Lover
Holiday Lover
Power Play
Devil’s Kiss

Rest Stop Rendezvous – $0.99

After one too many bad breaks, Jimmy Nelson decided to pack up and hit the road seeking a fresh start in California. However, he did not expect the offer of a lifetime that landed directly in his lap.

You see, Jimmy met a most intriguing man at a very random, deserted, and out of the way rest area. This handsome stranger was all too eager to take a willing student under his wing for one sensual encounter that would awaken buried desires.

Come along for the erotic journey when two paths collide for a rest stop rendezvous…

 

 

Monthly Freebie – Heat

I’m leaving Heat up over the weekend while I get the new Patreon aspect of the site sorted out. All the Demon Bonded books, past and present will end up on this part of the site and likely will replace the monthly freebie with updates to the Demon Bonded serial. We’ll see how it goes. <3

ss 70

DRAFT SCENE SEVENTY

Fox awakes to the sounds of Michael and Dr. Rob talking. The Academy is in danger and Theo has gone rogue. Leo’s status spells start bleeping and Fox tries to stay awake to know if he’s okay, but he can’t keep his eyes open. Was Leo dying? He couldn’t just die, damn it.

I want Fox to wake to Dr. Rob and Michael talking in hushed voices from the office. The danger the Academy is in, the danger the others are in. Michael frustrated with Theo—he won’t allow help. You know him. The moment he heard it was a dragon thing, he took it personally.

The two coming out, Dr. Rob checking on Leo when noises start beeping. Fox wants to stay awake, to see if he’s going to live, but he can’t keep his eyes open.

This is a catalyst for how Fox sees the real danger while Forest is still seeing what he wants. We need this perspective—the instructors don’t lie.

Hellcat 30

SCENE THIRTY

Sean pulled his clothes on in slow, unhurried movements. The tears in his shirt didn’t bother him, nor did the long slash in his pants, or the bruises and cum coloring his body. He felt calm, focused. Happy.

TJ was his. He decided it, took what he wanted, and the world finally made sense. Sean wasn’t sure how he was going to convince TJ of it just yet, but it didn’t matter. TJ was going to be his. Always.

Sean straightened from where he was pulling his shoes on, and rolled his eyes when he found Fides still naked. “This isn’t going to work, you know. You can’t just go around without clothes on all the time.”

Fides snorted and looked down at his muscular body currently streaked with cum and glistening in sweat. He looked back up at Sean and raised an eyebrow while one of his fangs peeked free of his smirk. “I think we’ve proved I can. Just what is this human obsession with covering up flesh?” His gaze raked down Sean’s form, and Fides’s wicked grin grew. “Unless it’s to make me want to unwrap you every time? It works. I don’t think it hasn’t worked yet when I see you covered in all this material.”

Sean fought a blush and glared. “My clothes don’t exist for you to tear them off me, you perv.”

“I’m very certain they do.” Fides reached for Sean, who had to quickly slip away to avoid getting dragged up against the demon’s hot body again.

“Listen, you.” Sean licked his lips and fought the way his heart was racing in the heat of Fides’s stare. They wouldn’t get anywhere if they kept fucking, as enjoyable as it was. “You’re a shapeshifter, right? So clothes shouldn’t be that big of a deal. Just make it look like you’re wearing clothes. You running around naked is only going to draw attention from all those crazy witches downstairs.”

Sean wasn’t sure how much time had past since he was let up to repair Divia’s computer. Someone must be wondering why nothing was fixed. Either that, or they’d be coming up to dispose of his body for failing. He had a feeling Divia was known for murdering incompetents left and right.

Fides considered Sean’s argument as his gaze lit on his clothed form. “If it will help us blend in.”

“It will,” Sean insisted. “Even more so if you hide your wings and horns and all the demon stuff.”

Fides bared his teeth at the very suggestion. Shadows flowed up his body and coated his legs, ass, back, nape and shoulders. As darkness flowed down his arms, the shadows morphed and solidified.

“For the love of… Is that vinyl?” Sean slapped his palm over his face. Fides managed to cover himself in a skintight, shiny black material that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Worse, although coated in the substance, there was a jagged v down the front that left his chiseled chest and abs bare. Sean couldn’t stop his eyes from traveling further down with such an obvious trail, and he fixed on the large bulge of Fides’s dick beneath the sleek material.

Sean inhaled sharply. How did it even fit? He was a shapeshifter. Could he just, you know, make it smaller to hide it?

Wait, could he shift his dick bigger whenever he wanted to?

“You approve?” Fides asked when he caught Sean staring at him from between his fingers.

Sean licked his lips distractedly while he wondered just how ridiculously big Fides could decide to make his cock. “No,” he said with a shake of his head. “You, uh, you might as well be naked like that. The point is to not draw attention. You just look like a demon getting ready for a sex dungeon.” With his tentacle hair, vibrant violet eyes, and demonic horns, Fides looked particularly handsome in the strange outfit. He was gorgeous, noble, damn near princely. Damn, he was sexy and far too diverting for Sean to be able to focus around him.

Fides smirked when Sean couldn’t stop staring at him. His muscles were highlighted in the sleek, dark material, which looked very similar to the wings on his back and whip of a tail. His flesh glowed warm bronze in comparison as he stepped over and reached for Sean’s arm.

Sean exhaled heavily as Fides pulled him close. “You need real clothes, Soot. You’re not even wearing shoes.”

“Shoes aren’t worn where I come from.” Fides pressed his face to Sean’s hair and breathed in deep. “When we do need protection from the elements, we ensure we can move freely and won’t have the material caught when we’re fighting. That you find it desirable, is merely an extra boon.”

Sean nodded dumbly. Fides was hot breath and hotter flesh, and Sean fought the overwhelming desire to push up against him. “We need to go before one of those gargoyles decides to come roaring in here.”

Fides fingertips whispered down Sean’s side. “I’ll protect you. I will always protect you.”

“The way you protected me from that dragon when it nearly burnt me to a crisp?” Sean’s words lacked any bite. Fides’s lips ghosted nearer, and Sean leaned in to meet them.

“I was curious to see just how you would take on that beast. I thought perhaps you would yell at it for bleeding all over the clean floor.”

Sean narrowed his eyes and lightly shoved Fides back. “Are you saying I nag? Do you even understand the mess you made of my apartment?”

Fides grinned wickedly, his eyes alight on Sean’s expression. “Have I told you how attractive you are when you’re angry? I’d defile the most holy of temples if only to watch your eyes flash.”

Sean growled and whirled before he did something stupid, like kiss the annoying bastard. “At least pretend to be helpful,” he shouted over his shoulder. His gaze fell to where the kitten was skittering along the floor next to Divia’s body. Sean hurried his steps when he realized the witch’s wand had fallen to the floor, and Ferdinand was batting it with his small paws.

“No, no, no, you little hellion,” Sean whispered. He raced the last steps and snatched the wand before Ferdinand could pounce on it. “You want to fry all your fur off? These things are dangerous.” As if to prove his point, green sparks flared from the tip, and Sean jumped and nearly dropped the instrument. He quickly tucked the wand in his pocket, afraid of what might happen if Magnolia got a hold of it.

She was still unconscious on the dais, and Sean leaned over to check if Magnolia was breathing. He stared at her motionless, bruised face, and tried to ignore the way his stomach was churning in dread to find her alive. He only met her yesterday, and in that short time, Magnolia not only planned to turn him into a demon thrall, but also sell him for millions along with Soot. The first half of her plan worked, and Sean couldn’t help but fear what would happen if she decided to come after them.

Would she? Sean had little hope Magnolia would hold back just because they saved her life. No, Magnolia was ready to justify all her terrible behavior in the name of money.

She knew where he lived, and Sean’s heart fluttered in warning. Five million dollars. Now that his horns were showing, every witch in the building might decide to either sell him for millions, or murder him for being ‘corrupted’ by a demon. And if Magnolia realized TJ was also going to be a thrall? It would be 10 million dollars in one strike. She wouldn’t hold back. She wouldn’t hesitate.

Sean couldn’t believe they’d ever be safe from her, not when Magnolia was so insistent she’d be able to magically capture Fides the moment it suited her plans. She would chase them forever just for the payout.

“Soot, do we know if all of Magnolia’s spells were actually removed from you?” Sean turned, but Fides was out of earshot. The demon was crouched over TJ as he carefully lifted him up in his arms. Seeing the two of them together twisted something in Sean’s chest. He couldn’t trust Magnolia not to come after them. He couldn’t trust the witch wouldn’t capture them the instant she was free of Mystic Highrise, and then sell them into slavery.

Fuck, he was going to have kill her.

Sean looked around the office space for a weapon while ignoring the panic trying to well in his chest. It had to be done. He needed something sharp and quick. He went to Divia’s desk and searched the sparse objects on top for something suitable. It had to be done. Magnolia left him no options. If he didn’t kill her now, she’d hunt them down untill she got everything she wanted. At least if he killed her while she was unconscious, he could make it painless.

Sean’s gaze fell on the slender cord that attached to the phone, and his eyes lit up. Perfect. He could strangle her, and there’d be no blood, no pain. He quickly unplugged the cable from the phone and followed the cord to where it was attached into an outlet flat of the floor. Ferdinand’s claws made a swipe for his fingers, and Sean quickly scooped up the gray fluffball one-handed and held him in the crook of his arm.

Sean swallowed hard as he unplugged the jack from the floor, and he stared at the cord. It wouldn’t take long. It might even be a mercy killing considering what Divia planned on doing to Magnolia. Who was to say that receptionist downstairs wouldn’t find Magnolia and drain her dead? The building was full of witches who thought it was okay to murder for power. Surely this was kinder in a way.

Ferdinand went to wiggle out of his arms, his eyes bright on the cord dangling along the tile floor. Sean juggled to keep the kitten from tumbling out of his arms. They both froze when a wind suddenly swept up and light flashed blinding from just on the other side of the desk.

Sean blinked rapidly and tried to get the dots to clear from his vision. When he could finally see, he found a pair of tailored slacks and shiny dress shoes standing only feet away. Sean looked up and squinted as his stomach clenched in anxiety. Shit, it was another witch.

He had shining golden curls and was dressed in a casual, yet expensive suit with a black cape thrown carelessly over a shoulder. Sean didn’t dare move. Divia’s desk was made of glass, and he was not, to the best of his knowledge, any more see-through than when he was a minute ago. His blood felt frozen in his veins when he saw the man’s wand. Divia was going to kill him for merely existing; what would this witch do once he realized he helped to kill Divia?

The witch’s gaze fixed on the dais where Magnolia was unconscious. He took two steps her way, and then swore the moment he tripped over Divia’s body. Sean held his breath when the stranger crouched down to check the fallen witch’s pulse, and it brought him down to his level.

“Impossible,” the witch muttered when he found Divia dead. “How in the hell…?”

Sean grunted as Ferdinand’s claws bit into his arm. The witch jolted and his blue eyes snapped to his beneath the desk. They both froze for silent moments.

“A thrall?” The witch gaped when he noticed Sean’s small horns.

“Fuck.”

Fides’s growl tore through the air the same moment Sean jumped up. It was a battle to keep Ferdinand in his grip. The cat had an aversion to everything magical, or maybe he just didn’t like how Sean’s heart was racing quite so loud as he scruffed the kitten and held him tight to his body. Ferdinand was all claws and hisses Sean determinedly ignored.

“Don’t do anything dumb,” Sean warned as he grabbed the wand from his pocket and pointed it at the witch still crouched on the ground.

He wasn’t looking at him. The witch had found Fides. The man’s eyes were wide and full of apprehension as he watched the demon stalk toward them with TJ’s limp body thrown over his shoulder. Spikes grew on Fides’s form, sharp and deadly as his roar rose in volume. The witch’s hand that held his wand twitched, and Sean realized if something wasn’t done immediately, Fides would end up battling for his life with TJ as a very cumbersome, easily killed shield.

“Everyone chill the fuck out. We’re leaving. We were just on our way out.” Sean spared a glance at Magnolia as he let the cord fall from his grasp. He was out of time, and the current witch was more dangerous than the unconscious one. Sean fixed his gaze on the crouched witch, who showed enough intelligence to not move at Fides’s ferocious approach. “It’s two against one, man. Don’t throw your life away.”

The witch’s gaze darted his way as Sean carefully walked around Divia. “You killed her.”

Sean gritted his teeth at the soft, yet emotion filled words. Even a ruthless murderer like Divia had someone in her life who loved her. “It was self defense.” Sean walked backward in Fides’s direction with the kitten clutched to his chest. A part of him knew the moment he looked away, this guy was going to flip the fuck out and start spelling everyone. “It wasn’t personal. She wanted to kill us, and we didn’t want to die. We won. Don’t throw your life away over something you can’t change.”

Sean kept his wand trained on the witch as he stood. There was a coldness in his eyes that seemed to chill the very air even as rage twisted his handsome features. “You killed my sister!”

Divia had a brother? Sean’s jaw clenched, and green sparks flared from his wand as he scrambled back from the flow of power that roared up around the witch. He hit something solid, and before he could whirl to see, shadows rose up in a wave and encased him. Fides’s power swirled around and pulled them away, but Sean couldn’t look away from the unspoken promise of retribution in the stranger’s burning blue eyes.

New Book! Oh, And They Prescribe Psych Meds For Colds Now. 😈

Hey, babes!

Not sure what I want to say this week. My hope is to have a peaceful, calm brain week, to be honest. Less thinking, more doing. I finished episode three of Teddy, my very naughty shota series. I’m hoping to clean up the first two episodes, same with the first 3 of City Howls, and have another City Howls ready in a week or two. Lol, I wince just mentioning a deadline—let’s say the near future? At some point, while I’m alive, these things shall come to pass. XD

So… I kinda freaked the fuck out

Oh, I know what to talk about! I had a freak out this week. A full blown, WTF, did I wake up in the real world, crazy anger moment. Whoo. I didn’t even know I still had it in me. I didn’t even know I could still be triggered, but fuck, I was. I might still be. @[email protected] It’s actually kinda cool to realize I can still freak out over something. It’s like finding a pattern in my brain that I get to poke at and smooth out until I find a chill state of being again. This is all mental association focused on one moment.

Okay, so I have a twin brother and he had a fever this week. He’d been sick for 2 weeks (working while sick, too, the stupid ass.) Now he was suddenly complaining of his sinuses feeling like they’re going to explode and he had bloody snot, etc, etc and a fever. I drove him to his primary care and when he came out he had a prescription for an antibiotic… and an antidepressant. A SSRI.

I flipped. Fucking flipped.

Our biological mother was bipolar. I am bipolar. Given the genetic tree, there’s a good chance he is on the bipolar spectrum. SSRIs make people with bipolar fucking crazy—I know first hand because I spent a year being fed SSRIs by mental health professionals, and I was fucking crazy. I lost a year of my life (nearly took my life) while being told these doctors were making me better (they didn’t give a fuck about my input of how none of this felt better) until one finally had the stones to say, hey, I think you’re on the bipolar spectrum and these pills are hurting you. I walked away after that. They had my medical history and it took them a year to put it together. Got off the pills and saw just how much they were making me crazy. I still had PTSD, I wasn’t a ‘stable’ being by any means, but I also wasn’t being pumped full of something that was making me insane.

I feel like I need to add something here about me not being a doctor—and I’m really fucking glad about that because doctors seem to let their textbooks do a lot of the thinking for them these days instead of looking at what’s right in front their noses. Taking yourself off of psych meds can be dangerous. It can kill you. Withdrawal isn’t fun and I don’t think there is a psych med out there that doesn’t punish you for stopping it. Going on psych meds can be just as dangerous if you’re not working with an empathetic human being who actually gives a fuck about your wellbeing. Even if they care, these drugs can harm you. Those little pills are not passive and you should be informed about every interaction you have with them. Every time.

Anyways, I was so triggered—let’s be honest, I’m still not dealing with this shit well. XD There is a lot of anger, a lot of what ifs. I’m still not sure if I’m rational about the situation. An adult walks into a doctor’s office asking for medicine because he’s afraid he had the flu and he might be hit with a secondary infection—the flu has been killing a lot of people this year. The doctor takes this time to immediately evaluate him on a mental health level and prescribe him a psych med, not bothering to see if he has a family history, or if these meds are even right for him. You’re depressed, let’s send you home with some happy pills. Ignore he can’t stop these happy pills once he starts because of withdrawal and severe chemical imbalance potentials. Ignore if you’re of a certain brain chemistry, these happy pills can make you suicidal. Don’t question his ability to make rational decisions when he’s coming in with a fever of 101 after being sick for 2 weeks. Ignore how simple daily exercise can improve mood or the stabilizing of blood sugar—and again, I love my brother but the stupid fuck is diabetic and eats like a dumbass. Blood sugar has a huge effect on mood, as does not supplementing Vitamin D3 this time of year for those not living near the equator. No, ignore all of that. No, you have a fever, let’s send you home with some happy pills.

There is a leap of logic in this situation I am not following. It’s a situation where I see someone at their most vulnerable—sick and in need of help—being given a drug that can have long term consequences on mental health and wellbeing with no proper evaluation. My bf says my reaction (the logical one, not the emotional WTF XD) is justified, but I just don’t know. I was triggered. I went into a doctor’s office over 10 years ago, explained I hadn’t seen a doctor since my mother died, my father was now dead, I was homeless, and had just gotten out of an abusive living situation. She handed me a pill that made me suicidal in under 2 weeks. Just until I could see the psych doctor. Something to hold me over. It worked for her, the prescribing doctor, and she really didn’t want me to be so upset. Well, I became more upset and ended up in a psych ward because of it.

You think that would have been enough for me but I still gave these people a year because I felt so lost, I wanted someone to fix me. It took a year to realize they couldn’t, I was the only one who gave a fuck enough to figure out this problem and solve it. It was isolating, frustrating because I couldn’t talk to a doctor like a person. Very few would see me as more than a bunch of symptoms—and some of them were angry, resentful that their choice of pill wasn’t ‘fixing’ me. I was apparently failing them. I have doctors now who I can talk to—actually, all the doctors I have are people I made sure would talk to me like an equal and the ones who wouldn’t, I discarded. I’ve had potential new doctors immediately try to take me off of things that work. I’m talking serious life-altering meds, such as thyroid and cortisol supplements that keep me alive and functioning. As an adult I was able to say fuck off and find a new doctor. But my fuck, there were still tears to realize that these people would literally choose to hurt me because I didn’t fit into their textbook. It’s my body, it’s my brain, it’s my life and I am not obligated to suffer just because a doctor wants to see what this pill will do next.

That well meaning doctor ten years ago wanted to help me and instead nearly killed me, and for all I know, she’s doing it to every person who steps into her office—an office half a state away and yet here is the same fucking behavior 10 years later with different doctors. I had serious life problems when I walked into that doctor’s office—PTSD, homelessness, death in the family, abuse—but my brother today? He’s held the same job for 4 years, pays his bills, eats consistently, has no self destructive behavior (if you ignore the sweet tooth.) His life is not reflecting a mind of chaos or pain. I think he could wait until a real psych doctor or therapist sees him before handing him a pill. Why couldn’t a doctor supposedly trained for this situation see the same thing? Or is this exactly what they’re trained for now?

Medicine is an industry in America, a system to make money. Huge money is in medicine. It’s why we’re having political battles over healthcare. It’s not about socialism or universal health care; someone wants all that money and they can’t have it if a different health care system is in place. It’s where opioids are being prescribed like candy and patients are becoming addicted. Where staff infections are growing because of antiquated ideas of hygiene. Where the flu vaccine they want to make that will actually work for every genetic mutation of the flu is just too expensive to produce, so we’ll probably never have it. Where it took them this long to admit that early screening of mammograms usually leads to false positives and a huge amount of stress for the women involved. Not to mention, where my doctors have looked more unhealthy than me, overweight, overworked, underpaid and super stressed.

Growing up, I liked to think of doctors as people who helped people—that makes sense, right? I think doctors want to help people, certainly. Now all I see are tools being used to push pharmaceuticals to an assembly line of patients who are rushed through the door. Doctors are the drones at the end of the line to hand over whatever sexy new ‘life saving’ pill that took millions to billions to develop.

I know that’s really fucking cynical, and still, that’s where my brain goes because I haven’t ever left a doctor’s office without a script in hand. My bf has a dentist who refuses to pull a bad tooth or fix it, but hey, if he needs botox, they offer that now. It’s all about the money, not about the patient. I truly feel for those who don’t feel empowered to get the help they need, those who find their health slipping and it becomes the new norm no matter what pills are handed to them.

Would I have ever gotten my health back if I were in the normal system of health care? They don’t believe in the thyroid meds I take, they don’t believe adrenals ever need help unless you have Addison’s, they don’t know how to diagnosis Lyme disease because they’re looking for antibodies the body hasn’t produced instead of the bacterium itself. Mold toxicity is automatically mental health problems because mold toxicity presents as a mental health issue and no one is asking those psych patients what the fuck they’re allergic to. We look at this big, amazing, modern world with so much knowledge and information but our systems of health care aren’t catching up. It’s like watching dinosaurs lumber around, too big, too set in their ways, unable to realize that we know more and need to innovate. We’re still trying to get racist misinformation out of medical texts because they used to experiment on blacks and said they felt less pain than the frail white women.

I want the world to be as smart and sensible as I know it can be, but that’s just not going to happen. It’s still far better in some ways than my mothers’ generation—both my biological and adoptive mother were experimented on in psych wards—but there is still so far to go. When you walk into a doctor’s office complaining of pain or cold or mental duress, just be aware of whatever substance you end up putting in your body as a result. You gotta have your back cuz they’re not answering to anyone. Their textbooks says you’re wrong and they’re right every time. If your life grows worse, no one is held accountable. If you die, no one cares. No one sues the doctors or the pharmaceutical companies if you shoot your brains out over the wrong psych med prescription. And I’m not saying it’s all bad, it’s all wrong, but I know more people in the other half of the small state I live in who have gotten knee and hip replacements surgery recently while no one I know in this area has. Being closer to the big hospitals with surgeons on hand might be enough to suddenly need surgery for every ailment. Again, an absolute jump in logic, but that’s where my brain goes because I’m cynical as fuck about the entire thing.

He went in for a cold and came out with an antidepressant. What is the rational jump there?

Teddy Gets A Package

Hidden in the suburbs, a prostitution ring of boys gains a new star.

Teddy didn’t expect to be trapped in the back of a truck with a horny postman today of all days. Lief’s birthday party is moments away and Teddy just knows he’s going to be late. Mr. Sullivan likes that he’s new, really likes his mouth, and has no remorse ruining Teddy’s brand new outfit. Worse, he leaves Teddy aching with no relief to be had. Teddy can only hope to get home and cleaned up before Lief’s party is over.

Fancy new clothes, parties, and a room of his own are just some of the perks of moving in with his Granny. Lief, the boy next door, ignites a blossoming love Teddy has never felt before. Life is perfect, but Teddy is learning nothing is what it seems in his new home.

Each episode in this mm shota/ageplay serial is over 10,000 words long and features encounters between older men and petite, youthful bottoms. Playful and sexy with dark undertones, don’t miss the latest erotic installment of Teddy’s Naughty Adventures!

Blank Slate – $0.99

“Glad you found time in your very busy schedule to join us.”

Colby:
I only agreed to model nude for a community art class because I needed the money. I figured it would be easy, fun even. But that was before I came sprinting into the studio on the first day, late and viciously hungover, and found myself face-to-face with Axel Hawthorne. Suddenly I was stripping down in front of the very man who had blown me off after a brutally hot night on the dance floor…and letting him draw me. Hot tempered and abrasive, I knew there was more to Axel than met the eye. As the term went on I decided I was going to figure out why an award-winning artist was teaching local art classes. And why I couldn’t get his stupid, gorgeous face out of my head.

 

Alpha’s Calling: An MM Mpreg Romance

I would do anything for my fated mate…

Freddie Hawkins was everything, but ordinary. The cocky wolf shifter was undeniably handsome, but his past was something he never wanted his omega to learn about.

He was always looking for his dream-come-true omega. More than anything, he wanted to settle down and start a family. So when he found the fated mate of his dreams, all he wanted to do was grab some alone time with him. He didn’t realize their kiss could change the fate of the entire world.

Well, sh*t.

Jonas Bishop was a wild and independent jaguar shifter, ready to start a new life. He wasn’t exactly looking for love. Instead, love found him at the worst time imaginable. After they kissed, the town of Frisky Pines disappeared in front of his eyes. It wasn’t long after that he discovered he was pregnant… with triplets?!

Pyromancer – $0.99

One desperate night, a rent boy hot enough to scorch the motel sheets, meets a man doomed to burn for love.

Christian Ryder is cursed with pyromancy, a deadly ability he has difficulty controlling. Having hurt lovers in the past, he has sworn off personal attachments.

Tanner O’Bannon is broke and desperate. The recent loss of his father has thrown Tanner into a tailspin of debt he can’t afford to pay. Working as a rent boy allows him to pay the mortgage and his college tuition, but it’s burning away his soul in the process.

Through the machinations of an escort agency these men are thrown together. Smoldering embers of desire fan the flames of love, but will it be enough to make Christian overcome his fear of love, or to save Tanner from the fire?

Last week to read for free.

MM Valentine’s Freebies and What Really Pulls The Trigger of a Gun 💔

Hey, peeps!

Shout out for all the newbies who picked up The Autumn Prince which was featured on Instafreebie Monday. I’m Sadie Sins and this newsletter is about free and discount mm (gay) romance and erotic books, and whatever I feel like rambling about at the time. You’re not obligated to hang around—click the unsubscribe button if you’re in newsletter overload, no judgments—but if you do hang around, hi and welcome. ^^

I’m putting my gun rant at the bottom. It’s not really a rant, it’s more just a thing. Life and death and not having the outrage in me anymore. But first, a quick update of all the things that happened book related.

You can read Drunk, Blind, Stupid Cupid on the site for free along with its sequel, My Broken Angel. Valentine’s special! I wanted to clean them up and get the edited versions up (Gail, you did an amazing job) but time just wasn’t on my side. When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority. (I’ve been saying this so much lately. @[email protected]) Still, they’re wonderful and heartfelt and, uh, pretty boys with wings. Can’t go wrong with that.

I’m nearly done writing Episode #3 of Teddy’s Naughty Adventures. I wanted a break from Hellcat before Hellcat broke me. Everything is turning into a long ass novel lately. I need to find a way to stop being so long-winded. Ugh. I’m going to be trying some speed writing, actually. Like, I came up with a template for the kind of formulaic erotic writing I do for the shorts (think Coffee Guy or The Drunk Email,) and I’m going to just fly through a story and see what happens. I need to finish something! My brain needs to be able to go ‘STOP!’ and I can feel content and satisfied in something. It’s getting overwhelming, all these novels without any end.

What else… oh, I did some pretty pictures of the Demon Bonded guys.

Wasn’t really even planning it, but instead looking for a break from the novel writing. I don’t know what it is but this week feels like it was twice as long as normal. So far I have Ky, and Lovely. And I did a little video thing of Lovely from start to finish! There’s something really satisfying to watch a painting get to the end. I think it’s the same trigger in my brain that paints in the first place—seeking a balance.

I want to make a video for the book covers I create. I don’t know if I want to put the time in to make it ‘instructional’ but you can learn a lot from a walk through about composition, placement, and how to get to the end of something when you don’t realize you’re still in the middle.

Call for REVIEWS!

Okay, so Wendy’s book, Zeus: Conquering His Heart is officially live and free to read on KU! It’s all about Eros (aka, Cupid) so very Valentine’s Day related. Wendy has that beautiful way with prose I dream of fondly while absolutely ignoring it in my own writing. If anyone has some extra time, I know she’s looking for reviews. It can always be hard to get reviews—it’s the bread and butter for a lot of authors, and always greatly appreciated. <3

Don’t miss the books down below (aka, if you don’t want to read about my take on gun control, scroll away. XD)

Where all My Opinions Lead to PTSD… Again. XD

So I heard about the Florida school shooting in passing (I’m not watching the news anymore,) and as terrible as it might sound, I didn’t feel a thing. Because this keeps happening. It’s going to keep happening because nothing is being done to change it. There is a problem in this country and it will not evaporate on its own. It’s only February and there have already been 6,965 incidences of gun violence in the US.

I heard a line from someone who was previously on Cracked (can’t think of his name) that went along the lines of ‘just what do you think the generation who grew up afraid of being shot up in their schools is going to do to your guns when they’re in power?’ It really got me thinking. That statement sounds so obvious, right? When we can’t even get reasonable regulations, just what do you think people who have lived afraid for their lives will do when given a chance? They’ll definitely not want to be shot, so they’ll definitely call to regulate guns, maybe even ban them completely. The next generation will be smarter than this one. Except, every argument from people who want to keep guns is the same fucking thing—we don’t want to be unarmed against a gunman. Guns save lives.

Yeah, the instrument made solely to murder totally saves lives. That’s why we use them all the time in hospitals. To save lives. They’re totally not what puts people in morgues. When they made that model that literally brought people from the dead (Lazarus .45) I was sold. (I make no excuses for my sarcasm. Deal with it. XD)

Logic has no place in this problem because gun violence isn’t a problem of logic, it’s a problem of fear. Perceptions of safety. Every day people all around this country are sitting at home waiting for someone to walk through their front door and murder them. That’s why they want a gun; they don’t want to be murdered. They are terrified of the world, they believe people (or at least the people they don’t know) are innately evil and murderous, and this is the only way they can grasp some sanity. With a gun, not a shield. Safe. They bring a weapon of murder into their homes to feel safe. This is not logical, but it is the human condition.

I don’t know what war is happening in America today, but there are a lot of people waiting for one. When people don’t perceive the world as safe, they want to feel safe and that drives them to do irrational things like kill a teenager for being black or assume a gun is unloaded after a safety demonstration or spend their entire life waiting for some huge disaster by stockpiling food and useless shit and telling themselves how smart they are for cheating death. Death is still coming no matter how far you push it off, and you have no control. Period. Nothing you do will stop death, but my fuck, people are sure causing a lot of death in their fear.

People who want guns to protect themselves from people with guns, really want guns to protect themselves from their own insane minds. And guess what, it’s not going to do the trick. The gun isn’t the problem, it’s the desire to feel safe in an unpredictable world. It’s choosing to see fear has more value than every single life lost because no one will regulate a series of machines made solely to murder. There is no other purpose for a gun than to kill. It is not a paperweight, it is not a collector’s item, it is not a magic shield that makes everything safe and shiny—it’s a specifically designed killing machine being put into the hands of people who are not required to train to make sure they know how to use that weapon, or even see if they have the mental capacity to keep them from using that weapon on fellow human beings.

There are no locks on these guns, no keys—imagine having a car where a child could just sit in the driver’s seat and start driving? How irresponsible, and yet the fingerprint technology we have is not being used for gun locks. Guns are made to murder people, and we have laws to keep people from being murdered, and yet, the disconnect continues because ‘guns save lives.’

What we’re seeing is trauma 101. Give me control over the uncontrollable. This is what turns rational human beings into unbearable assholes, religious fanatics, rule creating neurotics, and obsessive fortune tellers. They will seek any mental concept to allow them to feel safe in an uncontrollable world. They will create rules, gods, laws, constructs to a false reality, and tell themselves as long as they follow it all, they will be safe. Immortal. Maybe even important and brilliant cuz they have it all figured out. They know no harm will come, they can predict and control the future, all because they followed those arbitrary rules they made up.

As you can see, I’m enjoying my PTSD writing. XD And for this, my mindfulness. Because I cannot take the unbearable feelings of being unsafe away from people. This irrational pattern of thinking is a coping strategy people use when they’re overwhelmed. This irrational action of killing before being killed (even when no danger is present outside of the mind) is what humans in trauma do to feel like they have control. They do this to themselves, and to everyone around them because this is the only way they know how to cope. I have the ability to see through that problem and cope differently, but it’s not something you can stamp into people’s brains and force them to follow. Many are extremely happy to live in fear thinking they have the answer to it all. They have their rules; they’re in control.

When I sit in my house, I have a choice of how I want to feel, and I choose to feel comfortable, happy, loved, compassionate toward my fellow humans, joyful and free. I am not afraid. I don’t know many of my neighbors, I know even far less of the people in my state or the country or the entire world, but I love them all, and believe that they don’t want to harm me. That’s all a belief is and it allows me to live feeling safe verses fearing for my life. The world doesn’t change depending on my belief, but I certainly enjoy living my life far more when I believe there is nothing to fear.

I will never fear one of my loved ones being shot in this house by a gun, because there will never be a gun in this house. There’s no question of it. If a gun isn’t here, it can’t be used to shoot us. And if a gun is brought in, we had no control and that’s that. It just is. Control is an illusion, safety is an illusion, fear is an illusion. I will choose the world around me where no one has hurt me, over the lies in my head that people find me so interesting that they’re waiting to murder me—how interesting one must be in that scenario. XD

I truly feel for the people so terrified that they would rather surround themselves with the thing they fear—death—than live in life. But more, I feel for those who keep being victim, who keep suffering because these people refuse to wake up to the environment they’re perpetuating. When you believe the world is a dangerous place to be, you are very likely reacting in ways that make it dangerous. I am the kind of person who will help a stranger, smile, have a conversation instead of that cold, hostile, terrified girl I used to be because of my PTSD filter. The world didn’t change, it’s all my perspective.

I contribute to the world I want to live in, as do we all. When your inner world is consumed with seeking a need for control in a terrifying existence, the outer world you create will reflect it. Everyone will be a potential enemy who may want to harm you, every dark night full of potential monsters, every helping hand hiding a devious intention. And as someone who still struggles with those neurotic control freak mental patterns, I know what little joy there is being around someone like that. It’s fucking misery. The first part of this newsletter was me needing to explain how I’m ignoring or working around those impulses because living with a need to control shit that doesn’t matter is miserable.

Compassion is still my keys to living free. If I can be compassionate for my own flawed, broken, traumatized self enough that it got me this far into freedom, surely compassion for others can allow them to change. It cannot force them, even nudge them, but so many are waiting for permission to change and stop being so afraid. They can’t give themselves that permission for whatever reason, but compassion from others can. If we reflect our inner world, we can hope that the outer world can work to transform the inner worlds of those so lost inside. They’re trying to grasp control in the uncontrollable instead of enjoying this wonderful ride on this spiral of a planet hurtling through the galaxy in an immeasurable universe—maybe it’s why they’re grasping on so tight, huh? Do they feel the planet move? XD

We’re living on a fuzzy, waterlogged rock but we still think everything we do is so damn important… aka, I accept I’m probably not going to have Hellcat finished this week. Just sayin. >_> It can be hard to let beliefs go that hurt us, that construct a familiar world we understand but also terrifies us. But it’s that need to understand what can’t be understood that causes this in the first place. Sometimes terrible shit happens and you can’t prepare and you can’t avoid, and all you can do is love the people and the life you have right now. This is the one guarantee, this moment. I don’t want to waste it fearing something that may never come to be.

MM Reads!

Zeus: Conquering His Heart – Free in KU

I do not yet know how to be a god, for I am only 18 and still just a silly boy who has fallen in love with Love himself, while my father Cronus plots and schemes to lock me in his dungeon and make me his slave forever.

When I throw the lightning and summon the thunder, it isn’t always out of anger, but often from a love so all-consuming it could only be the effect of Eros himself. Yes, he is beautiful. Of course he is. How could he be otherwise, with hair the color of sunlight and white-feathered wings that drape to the floor? And he is as ancient as the myth of time itself, an immortal with powers and glamour beyond my ability to imagine. He struggles to teach me wisdom, control, strategy, yet I sit here babbling like a child, for all I can think of is how I might try – at least let me try! – to prove myself to him in some way that will cause him to crave my company and my touch, just as I crave his.

Spanking the Boss – $0.99

A secret night of passion just got a lot more complicated…

Young and savvy CEO, Trent Davis has a reputation for being in control—of everything. But when a case of mistaken identity puts him in a situation more pleasurable than he’s ever imagined, Trent knows he needs more.

Hungry for success as a new junior analyst, Charlie Reynolds is determined to prove himself at work. Winding up in his boss’ arms isn’t exactly his best career move—especially since the powerful CEO has no idea who he is.

Will Charlie admit the truth and destroy his future in the company or will “spanking the boss” be the beginning of something deeper?

Omega’s Rockstar

A rock star doesn’t need a babysitter.

It’s just the stupid record label forcing them together. They think a reckless Alpha like Seth needs a nice Omega from Nebraska to keep him in line. Whatever.

A self-made Alpha doesn’t need another lover to bring him down.

After what his ex boyfriend did to him, Seth would rather stay single. Mister Rockstar in his pants can find his own action, without any stupid commitments. And Seth especially won’t get involved with that beautiful “sobriety companion” the record label sent over.

Mike doesn’t need Seth. But he does need this job.

Going For It – $0.99

What Happens When These Two Teammates Accidentally Get Married?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Free to Read for February!

Drunk, Blind, Stupid Cupid

Aiden didn’t expect to spend Valentine’s Day doing anything but cursing the color scheme. He’s built a wall around his heart filled with bitterness and cynicism created by years of disappointment and neglect. A wall two winged boys are determined to ignore as they claim that Aiden is their destiny.

My Broken Angel

I didn’t know that one bloody kiss could change my life forever. I‘ve found my soulmate and nothing makes sense anymore. He’s a half demon, half angel who just got out of the pit. Danyal doesn’t know how to be human—Worse, he doesn’t know how to keep living. There’s nothing I won’t do for him but I’m only human and when Danyal runs, he flies.