On the 25th! I’m still kind of in shock… Half in shock cuz I have so much stuff I have to do to prepare, aka edit 105,000 words this week and get that new cover made and on there. Something way more genre focused. Best foot forward and all that. Which means I’m definitely pushing the Demon Bonded release back a week to make sure I’m focused. You’re also going to be seeing too much Intangible again as I update easier stuff on the website. But it’s all good!
Normally this would be a blind panic. I think my PTSD brain would like me to turn this into a blind panic because, well, familiar. O_o It’s usually in moments of excitement I’m more likely to find old patterns slip in to dictate behavior. I’m paying attention and keeping stress as low as possible. I’m actually not as up to date as I’d like to be on promotions and stuff; a little less than a year ago I knew everything about Instafreebie, member responses, conversion rates and all that jazz. Things slip away especially when sick; there is so much to keep track of and learn about in this author gig and it all fluxes. Hopefully my moldy brain can keep up–still a fun ride either way. <3
Pretty sure I’m going to have some squeeing readers with these two chapters. <3 Also, very likely going to have another Intangible for you in a few hours. I want to go for a walk in the nice night air and then just jump into editing.
Have I mentioned I feel fucking amazing? I feel fucking amazing. It’s not just the new found strength in my body; my mood has been awesome. I’m wondering if it’s the added nitrogen. The L-Glutamine has this huge fucking list of things it does, it’s hard to know what is effecting what to = happy me.
I felt so freaking good today! I got so much writing and editing done (but not anything completed to post just yet–Sorcerer Slayer soon, promise!) plus finally got those republished Demon Bonded episodes up on Smashwords. Payhip is next, and then I’ll finally get cracking on my new discount system on the website.
I love Smashwords, btw. Not only do they pay in a timely fashion, but they don’t cave to censorship on their site. Proven now that Barnes & Noble is cracking down and cutting any erotica that contains taboo themes. As the modern, civilized world continues to tell adults they’re only allowed to fantasize and profit on the topics they find acceptable, Smashwords stands as a refuge for free speech. They also pay their authors the best out of all platforms. If you have to make a choice of where you want to spend your money, I pick them every time.
For real, it’s exhausting being told by every major platform what you write is wrong and doesn’t deserve to exist. Where they can decide what fantasies about sex is ‘right’ and ‘correct’ and ‘acceptable,’ and the writers and readers of everything else should just disappear. There is no other topic where this is readily accepted; the censorship of books to ensure a small group of conservative prudes feel comfortable shopping among the masses. Many still think of the gay genre as pornographic just because it’s same sex; hey, that’s a perversion in their rigid, fucked up little minds. I feel like this is why the lgbtq genre is policed far more heavily than the het stuff.
I just got an email from Smashwords today about the Barnes & Noble bullshit, which is where this rant is coming from. At least Barnes & Noble has the balls to label what they deem offensive unlike Amazon who just bans it without a word (but the straight version of the same manages to last a fuck ton longer than the gay on their site.) What was interesting out of it all for me 1) dubcon is perfectly fine with them and 2) bestiality among shifters or fantasy characters like dinosaurs is not actually considered bestiality. So I’m going to be posting City Howls #1 next because by the rules of these platforms, it’s clean and acceptable. I hated having to break that serial up the way I did and now I don’t have to because someone actually bothered to spell out their censorship guidelines. So… that.
I know, I’m all over the fucking place and said I’d do the other one. But Hell Cat is so fucking cute! And it’s been waiting for basically a year for me to get the fuck to it–and it’s cute! And, you know, outlined already so I can just dive in and get that shit out. I want a Halloween story, but I also want to get to all my other work.
Do not have a brain like mine, just saying. Perspective can be this life altering, freeing experience. Or it can trap you in your own neurosis. Guess where I am. XD Fucking editing. Seriously, fucking editing and grammar extremists (lets not bring Nazis into everything) who insist there is some semblance in this made up, thrown together English language while ignoring the common tongue every bestselling book in my genre is written in. There are too many ways to say the same thing, and my brain is overly aware of it. There are too many ways, and none of them are actually ‘correct,’ they’re just options.
You all might hate me but I’m looking at this FMM trilogy I outlined a year ago and thinking about fleshing it out. It’s such a good story–and legit, I’m sick of FMM where MM isn’t actually a thing. Fuck that MFM boring stuff where those cocks do not touch; these bad boys and very bad gal share–and I can see all these ways to make it even better now my brain is back. I really want to try this and see what I can do with a strong action oriented plotline. I’d have to put it under a different pen name though–the tough world of self publishing where genres cannot cross. But maybe just under S. Sins or something similar. After Sorcerer Slayer is done, probably side by side as I write up Shifter Safe Haven and get to the other serials.
I feel like I used to get so much more done when I stopped trying to quantify if I could get it done and just did it. That’s really all writing is; writing. This trying to figure out if it’s the right or wrong words just fucks up that writing part. There is no ‘right.’ It’s such a fucking lie perpetrated by the ego to put value into the process of writing instead of the message being shared. Neurosis be gone. <– and this is what my brain spews out after a day of Eckhart Tolle while glaring at plotting tips, referencing bestsellers, and editing #6 of Demon Bonded. What the fuck am I doing to myself creating all this extra work when all I need to do is just write? I want to tell my stories already. I seriously need cash so I can just pay other people to do this editing shit so I can focus on writing. Anyone can do all this neurotic stuff but I need to do the writing.
I feel like a sulking kid trapped inside on a beautiful, sunny day. I love you, Demon Bonded #6, but I’d rather be writing #11. Bastard.
Um, if you read this thinking there was a point in any of it… sorry.
I find myself in a new place today. A little bit in my head as I finally rise the fuck above the shit happening around me, and also in a different chair cuz my chromebook has decided charging isn’t on its list of capable functions anymore. I backed up all my stuff and I’m going to be writing from my PC until the time comes where I can shell out the cash for another chromebook with Crouton compatibility (aka not anytime soon.)
So, I guess we’ll see. I like the laptop because when I’m sick, my weak limbs can handle the typing. Not so much with the PC where having to lift my arms can get exhausting pretty damn quick. I might end up rigging something together to make it easier. The allergies have been off and on the last few weeks but currently I feel like things have settled. *fingers crossed* If my body is sound, the allergies don’t touch me, and in that sense, I’ve been feeling more stable health wise. Wish me luck. <3
Sorcerer Slayer is loosely outlined, and I think I’m going to keep it loose and see how things flow instead of obsessing. I want to tear through the next scenes while inspiration is strong. But at the same time, that Halloween fic has an actual deadline and I want to reach it in time. How the fuck is it mid September already? Getting sick always fucks with my sense of time. I might be making the Halloween novella too complicated; currently 3 main characters with very smutty adventures weaved into one little old-school haunted mansion type fic. Another I guess I’ll know when it’s done kinda moment. Definitely having fun finding out. 😀
I’m used to writing short fiction. It’s very easy to see how a short story flows with very little planning required. I’ve actually created templates around my own short stories for the best times to resolve emotional and action conflicts. Serials too; I can understand stories written in episodes. It’s like tuning into a tv show where the plot progresses a little bit each day. Novels, on the other hand, are a totally different story. They are a complete entity full of huge amounts of information, growth, conflict and plot. All of which must tie together into one finished work.
Over half a year ago I plotted out Sorcerer Slayer. There are always these moments where I know the characters will choose a different path and no planning can account for it. I actually look forward to those moments because if it’s up to me, shit might get boring. It happened in Demon Arms when Wylie got that email, and here it is again 155,000 words into Sorcerer Slayer. I’m very curious where it’s going to go.
I’m rewriting my outline to the second half of Sorcerer Slayer. The tension dropped significantly in the original and I didn’t realize until I got to this point. There’s something wrong about introducing a conflict the size of what happened in that alley and assume life can return to normal once we get back to the Academy. It disregards the weight and tension that should be hanging over every characters as they wonder if they’re safe, if their friends will die, if they should make a move first before those assholes come after them. What does the Academy look like when the adults are all too busy hunting down the attackers to be able to calm the patients? These guys really aren’t the sitting around and waiting for things to get better type.
Have I mentioned how much I love this, btw? I love the things I get to learn, the new things I get to try every time I approach a story. I love using my damn brain and seeing what it can do. I haven’t written a lot of novels, but with each new one, I learn more, discover and adapt, and hopefully can bring my characters to life through that process for readers to enjoy. I thrive on challenge and I don’t know if any job previous every came close to what writing offers on this level of pushing my boundaries to create better. Seriously, this gig is a fucking joy and blessing, and the icing is how there are so many people out there who actually like the end results enough to support me. Sorcerer Slayer is going to kick ass by the time we get to ‘the end.’ <3
Ugh, so I’m about to go to bed while the rest of the house is waking up. My roommate just let me know he left his keys in my car ignition last night and drained the battery. Apparently his level of being pissed off for being late for work is supposed to repair the fact that I have to get this shit fixed so I can get an allergy shot today. So sick of people fucking up shit and not taking responsibility for it. I don’t even think the fucker said sorry.
But hey, new Shifter Safe Haven. Yay? I’m so fucking tired right now and pissed this is how I’m going to be trying to sleep. It won’t happen. I have to solve this problem and by the time I do, I’ll be far too exhausted to drive safely to the allergist, and I’ll fall asleep. When I wake up, they’ll be closed because they have normal hours while I sleep like the fucking vamps. Fucker.
Oh, also outlined 1/2 of that Halloween fic; decided on old school throwback to haunted castles and monsters hunting the shadows–werewolves and blood suckers, mostly–and a tentacle here and there. Corruption of the innocent. You know, what those old monster movies were all about. 😀 It’ll be crazy fun. If I could write it in black and white instead of color, that would be wicked.
Okay, I have a feeling I missed some spots in this particular chapter I just don’t have the time (energy) to clean up. My brain has not been 100% the last half of this week and I have a list of things I want to get to. But to be clear for those new to my fiction, everything on this site was written when I was in the midst of a severe mold reaction while living in a moldy apartment for years. You are looking at my low ability where I wrote on average 20,000-50,000 words a week (shit goes way faster when you don’t slow down to edit. XD) I have only just regained the majority of my cognitive function the last few months from allergy shots which is why I’ve been doing new covers and republishing edited version of the old stuff. I don’t want my illness to define those first books now that I’m better.
I will bitch, I will complain, because that is all I have control over; bitching about the shit I can’t control with my health. But I will also be writing strong and it will be stronger than when I started. There is no going back to that coma like state after all I’ve learned about treating this illness no matter how loud my fears get. And there is still a shit ton of fear every time these allergies hit and knock me on my ass for hours/days at a time. Down is not out, and I have endured worse for far longer. Don’t let my whining get to you; I just need to vent.
Also, random kudos to the awesome Jex Lane who told me about text to speech for editing nearly a year ago and I’m only just now using it as a staple for the final edit before publishing. It is so fucking helpful to hear my mistakes verses having my brain think it’s reading things properly. (It is not.) There is no excuse to give up with the modern tech out there to help anyone and everyone reach their goals. Even when my brain breaks, it will bounce back, and I will be here to make more story happen. No excuses.
Brainstorming what I’m going to write for Halloween. Don’t think I have the time for a 5 story collection like Taken By Beasts, what I did last year, but I do want to play with something in the same theme of classic, campy horror on Halloween. Or, I could do Hell Cat, which is this demonic cat shifter who makes his rescuer/owner’s life miserable in the sexiest ways possible while dodging the pissed off witch who caged him. Not sure yet, but I’m looking forward to it. This is my favorite time of year. I decorate my house for Halloween all year round; yup, that level of awesome nerd, right here. XD
Feeling better, babes and ready to kick ass.
I was hoping I’d be able to finish the scene tonight and post the chapter, but I’m just too tired. When I wake up; I can’t trust myself to edit properly when I’m like this. I just finished editing #4 of Demon Bonded and Far From Home, the Bonus episode is next. I decided it would be fun to put the bonus episodes up on the site under Free once I get them all edited.
Demon Bonded episode 1 is now officially perma-free on Amazon! Squee. Still waiting for it to show up on the other venues before I update the website with the new links. A part of me assumed it wouldn’t work–perma free is usually a battle of epic proportions with Amazon. Pronoun seems to get Amazon to do shit it usually refuses, like post in the categories you actually want. The new cover looks so good! <3
You may have noticed the Bargain Books aren’t available atm. They will return, I’m just not sure how quickly and in what form. I need to rethink my strategy, especially since I basically have a format now where subscribers read instead of download. I hate the idea of a subscriber needing to pay full price to keep a book after paying for the subscription; it just seems redundant. Then again, every library book I failed to bring back I did end up paying for… (I was horrible when it came to not losing books and my god, I used to read so much.)
I want the books to be the updated, polished, pretty covered versions available for download, and also updated in the Library (they’ll be switched out without anything pulled down, no worries.) All the redone books will eventually be available on the site including serial episodes–which is another change. I want the serials to push the subscriptions. That means not discounting the fuck out of them so people will want to read them for far cheaper on the site. Hopefully. >_> There is a lot of hope in all of my strategies.
Hell, so yesterday I was a hormonal mess. It’s like regressing into a teenager every time I PMS. Fuckballs. I swear the mold biotoxins stored in my fat cells just flood me around this time. The fever stopped halfway into today; there is definitely a correlation between pms and immune system deregulation. I wonder if this is going to be a monthly thing or I’ll eventually heal to a point where I rise above it and maybe be able to think about having a kid before the clock counts down. Another thing I’ll nerd out as I go. Did you not know I was a nerd about shit? Like, if I wasn’t a creative person (or unstable, crazy, chronically ill one) I would have totally been a scientist? Or something big in numbers–I love patterns and formulas. And people; the human brain–the condition of being human in general–is fucking fascinating.
Alright, I’m finally getting on top of this shit. I had to unpublish the Demon Bonded series from Amazon before publishing through Pronoun. Currently, Episode #1 is the only one actually ready. It will be perma-free, and likely live in a few hours. My stress levels are HIGH, and no, that’s not a drug euphemism, that is a dear fuck, I am so freaking stressed about this.
What if I’m really bad at this? What if no one notices my books on any other platform and I’m just running around in circles messing up my life? Most search algorithms are pretty weak compared to Amazon and it is literally a requirement to go in and promote for each platform–so much work. What if all my reviews disappear and never return again? What if I fail and I don’t even come close to reaching what I was getting when KU worked? What if I fail? I have failed at so much shit in my life and I’m tired of it. Do I get to win, like, ever? Is there just something innately wrong with me where I’m always going to be struggling for the bare minimum while I see everyone else soar by?
It is not a good day to be in my head. @[email protected] Being sick probably doesn’t help. I probably made myself sick with the stress of this. Serious, I swear some days I want to be sick again just so I stop having to notice how I’m wasting my life not going for those dreams I want. Fucker. Ignore my fucked up head.
Guys, I’m rethinking my approach to the serials. Publishing through Pronoun allows for some really nice price adjustments with royalties I couldn’t get with Amazon. I might be pricing each individual book lower, likely $1.99 each for a long serial like Demon Bonded instead of the standard $2.99. I want to do a little more research but I think that’s going to be the price point unless something convinces me otherwise. I’m also holding off on republishing the bundles. 1) I’m going to have to wait until each individual book is edited before I can update them, 2) I want to push the value of the subscription site to new readers. Basically, if I sell the bundles super low, I’m fucking myself for potential sign ups. Bundles in general might be a bad idea because of it but I don’t think I want to go that far. The bundles will still be cheaper than buying each individual book, of course, just not too low.
I hate thinking like this. It goes against this chill, wonderfully hippie inner voice who just wants to give everything away for free and make people happy. She is of course blind to the financial shit storm I live in. I need to come up with a sound financial foundation, and that means totally different strategies now I’m out of KU. I’m not sure how it’s all going to evolve–adaption is a process, not an end. Hope you guys can bear with me and understand the why behind it all, even if it’s inconvenient or just plain disappointing for you. I don’t want to be living off of disability anymore. I don’t. My PTSD might be with me forever, but it doesn’t mean I have to be the same broke fuck up who can’t keep my car on the road. I would like to be able to actually have a savings account. Ha, I want to be able to pay the fucking taxes on the money I made last year cuz I never expected to make a cent doing this shit.
I’m feeling pretty sensitive, atm. I feel like I’m really pushing to do this all the right way and it just digs up every fucking insecurity I have until I’m bleeding out like a mofo. Ah, the humanity. It really sucks. Feeling like this really fucking sucks. If I could just sleep through next week (but still get all the work done I need to do) that would be ideal. Whatev. I think I’m done bitching about shit I have very little control over. I guess we’ll see how it goes. I’ll try not to will myself into some sort of coma for the next week… unless it’s a writing coma. That would probably be useful.