Rework first draft
Finished this Ky and Magnificent Night pic. I think it came out decent enough for my first official art in, like… ugh. 4 years. Making a vid to show people how I painted it. And maybe to remind myself. >_> My fuck, my face hurts. No sleep today.
I’m both better and yet still in pain. I’m not sure how long this is going to take–two months of this attacking my jaw probably doesn’t mean immediate relief. But I felt well enough to get a little writing done, so my hopes are high that I’ll be back to human soon enough. It also makes me wonder how human. If this was all an infection, then I really have no clue how my body reacts when healthy now that I discovered the dopamine connection. I’m pretty damn excited to find out once this all clears up.
It is extremely difficult to focus on words, especially the ‘right’ words, at the moment. I’m running on 6 hours sleep the last 3 days. I’m sorry updates have been, well, nonexistent. Don’t give up on me. I know this will pass–I’m not living like this. Fuck that. I will find a solution. Currently I’m just going off the dopamine precursors. They stop the Parkinson’s symptoms, but my fuck, pretty sure it’s also the source of this pain, so we’ll see. I’m waiting on my doctor’s appointment. Hopefully she knows something about low dopamine. Hoping for a dopamine receptor agonist. We’ll see.
I’m arting… sort of. It probably looks like shit. My ability to perceive is very limited through the pain atm. But it’s something to focus on. Need focus.
Okay, babes, I’m slowly coming back to reality. The course of antibiotics I took are now officially done, so here’s hoping the infection is dead. Uh, just finished writing up scene 5 of episode 11. I want to have the last scene… possibly 2 or 3 now that I look at it–this episode is long, and paced as an in-between for the next episode where we plop Ky right in the middle of the Aeternum. I’m shooting for 20,000 words just because I can, and I really want to have that little piercing ritual in there. Maybe the transition of the morning when he’s dressing for the meeting…
So yeah, hoping to have that all done and published by the weekend just so long as my allergies don’t fuck me over again. Waiting on a new mask and filter to come in the mail–hopefully that will help. I’m not a fan of wearing the damn thing 24-7 (I have slept in this freaking mask) but it’s way better than whatever the hell it is my body goes through when I breathe the wrong stuff. =_=
Exhausted. Spent the weekend cleaning out the garage to move the cat stuff in there, building a fence and, lets face it, just being sick. I’m afraid this is one of those situations where until I get the environment I’m in livable, I won’t be able to do anything else. I’ve already lost a week of writing, and I’m beyond pissed off–and kinda just full of despair about it all. I drove away today. I drove myself to a park and told myself I’d get some writing done, just be okay for a few fucking hours. I didn’t want to go home–I wanted to never go back there. But I did go home, and I got slower, and slower, and then my arms didn’t want to move and I was stuck in my seat, my brain active while I observed my body falling asleep without my consent.
I can’t afford to up and leave this place. I need to get some sort of solution. But for now, the despair has certainly slipped in.
I didn’t realize I was taking my new health for granted until it basically failed overnight. I woke up with my back and leg screaming pain, that damn arm and neck weakness, shuffling step, and overwhelming fatigue hitting me full force plus chills. If it wasn’t for the new loss of urination, I would have assumed it was allergies again. My body’s default for ‘sick’ seems to be all these crappy reactions now. It was like I was back over 4 years ago when I suddenly was hit with what we thought was Lyme and I thought I was dying. It felt that bad because through it all my brain was so damn sharp and aware. No checking out. I forgot how it took a good year of being bed bound before I started noticing the loss of brain function too. All those damn mind puzzles I did just to prove my brain was still there. Funny how we survive and cope and keep living just so long as we hold on…
Eh, anyways, I seem to have sprung right back to my chipper self like it didn’t even happen. A little fatigue but I’m otherwise fine. Staying cautious so as not to overtax my body. My birthday is coming up. I think I’m just feeling my mortality extra as a result of all this shit. It’ll pass–it always does. I’m turning 36 and feel the best I have in years. I guess with my luck I’m just expecting it all to go to shit at this point. >_< Let’s just ignore that critical bitch voice, eh? XD
The ozone machine isn’t working right–maybe it can’t handle this level. Uh, my room is okay but every time I leave for the bathroom or kitchen even with the mask on, it’s bad. Nearly done painting the basement concrete and… oh, hit the AC unit with a urine eater enzyme so I’m hoping that will take out the worst of it. My brain is not here right now… Just, everything hurts. I’ve nearly got the next scene of Demon Bonded done but yeah, I just can’t focus. Working my ass off to fix this allergy source and think again. Sorry again. (This is the line. Never having cats again. Ever. I cannot live like this no matter how much I love the fluffballs. T_T I feel like an asshole, but seriously, why would they piss on the fucking AC unit outside? WTF?!)
Hope everyone had a nice weekend and not dealing with this kind of shit.
Anyways, goals are still the same, just I have no control over this pain bs and finding it harder to judge my writing as I go. @[email protected] Plodding through. The only way is forward.
Ah, I’m excited! I want to show Justin’s crazy wolf this time around right before the full moon. Squee, he’s going to be so fun!
Got new, shiny Wallpapers for you guys! A little reorganization of pages and menus. Oh, the Discord Fan Chat is now under the Free tab too! Currently writing up the next scene of Demon Bonded and I’m hoping to have that ready tonight. And of course, fiddling a little more with the website. I want to get stories together under series to make it easy to find shit.
The last few weeks I’ve been battling exhaustion, to put it bluntly. It’s that whole mold interference with dopamine transporters thing (science!) I feel like I’m finally reaching a balance as I break down what is in chocolate that’s been keeping me going when dopamine precursors alone haven’t. I didn’t nap even once yesterday, and although I’m still battling some mild brain fog, it’s nothing like I was dealing with a year ago. I think I’ve definitely tracked down the main issues and solutions with this long term battle *fingers crossed* and I’m totally excited to have the energy to do all things I’ve been dreaming of doing–like finishing Sorcerer Slayer already! <3
I’m glad I redid the logo thing. I wanted the dragon version to work but it just looked too busy, too kiddish, and I was afraid the book would be mistaken for young adult. Difficult enough to try to design something new adult action/adventure paranormal than my wonderful default of shirtless sexy men. XD
Whoo, I think seasonal allergies have made their way into my house (or the cats dragged them in while murdering something fluffy. >_>) Either way, I’ve been sleeping the day away. It wasn’t until I shut myself in my room that I realized what was happening. No, I’m not tired; I’m allergic to life. XD
But I’m loving how the next scenes are going to play out once I clean up #8. So much smoother (less of that weird back and forth with Vince jumping around.) And the shifter flu being spread will make much more sense than feel like it was forced. This will be a far better reason to have Raider terrified of the others instead of it all being in his head.
Skipped the Newsletter this weekend. Too much happening at home. I need to find a way to balance writing and living, and I think actually taking a break on the weekends is going to help. I’m trying to paint my room (finally.) I organized the kitchen–I’m decluttering like a motherfuck all over the place. Too much dirt and clutter. Lol, and I actually bought a bed frame! No more sliding on a mattress on the floor for me.
I’ve been kicking my ass a lot, frustrated I’m working every damn day at this writing job but I’m not gaining the speed I had before. Looking at Demon Arms, I can see how blind that mentality is. I wasn’t putting the work in back then. I wasn’t putting the details in, the plotting in. I had ideas for it, sure, but I thought words–any words–were enough. I was rushing through writing drafts, not finished books.
I need to find a financial situation where I don’t have to rush. Ha, that might be the biggest joke in all this, because I know for a fact it’s not quality that sells a book, it’s having a book done and there to be sold. It is a luxury to take my time and write the way I believe the story should be told, and it might bite me on the ass in the long run. But I don’t care. This is what I live for; stretching my brain, pushing limits, and discovering those little epiphanies that make the chore of writing into a joy of expression. I want to make a story breathe, not just sit there on a page/screen.
It might make me an asshole to think I can mix that creative sentiment with hard fucking. XD Lol, then I’m an asshole.
I plan on doing this with Hellcat 2, the next 2 Sorcerer Slayer books, finishing up Awakening and Shifter Safe Haven too. So yeah, a lot of outline and draft work will be popping up side by side with the Shiny Thief rewrites. Ideally, once I’m done with the final edits of Shiny Thief, I’ll have the outline for the next book ready to fill out just like that.