• It’s Done!

    Transferred members, enjoy your free month! ♥

    The site is completed and new content will be written starting beginning of March. If you’re a current member checking in now and missed a very important email, check your spam folder for your new log in and password details. If you can’t find it, Email Me! and we’ll get it all straightened out so you can get back to reading.

    I want to thank you all for your patience and support, and I really hope you love the new site!

    If you have any questions, feel free to ask.






Scenes: 37
Word Count: @121000








Scenes: 16
Word Count: @47000








Scenes: 20
Word Count: @50700








Scenes: 25
Word Count: @66500





  • March 18

    Motherfucking IDEAS!!! *flail*

    My fucking brain, peeps, seriously. Just fuck my damn brain. This is my life now. Either I’m perfectly responsible and write the shit I’m ‘supposed to’ write because I’ve made commitments, or I go on a fucking bender making something totally new, and super crazy, and it should exists and I want to do it!!!

    I think spring is hitting and my hibernation is over. My brain hibernation. @[email protected] Seriously, fuck my life if I start reacting to mold once the heat hits. I’m experimenting with probiotics that are known to produce dopamine in the hopes if I get my gut biome balanced out, the Parkinson’s will be cured.–Ha, talk about ideas; let’s cure Parkinson’s on the side, yeah? (but really, let’s. Why the fuck not?)

    So my current flailing has to do with this super cute, ridiculously fun (and totally raunchy) idea of someone moving into one of those haunted houses–you know the drill. Satanic rituals/what have you committed before the cult leader killed off everyone and was dragged away to be insane in prison until dead. The main character knows something is wrong, is certain there is a monster in the closet. So he places a stuffed animal in there to protect him, and when he retrieves it in the morning, the stuffed animal is possessed by a very protective, very horny demon who has characteristics of both fluffy cuteness and creepy demon.

    Oh, and this closet portal to hell is not a one time door. Our fluffy horndog of a demon can summon friends by transferring them into the empty shells of stuffed animals and go on a fuck fest, all while dealing with some overarching plot of evil trying to destroy our main character for living in the hell house of doom.

    And wouldn’t it just be extra fucking awesome as a visual novel with cool art and sexy visuals??!???! Like, it could be my practice run before tackling something giant like Demon Virus?

    !!!!!!!! *dies* XD I know! I need to be, like, 50 fucking people so I can write this while working on PATB. I need, like, a zillion bucks so I can just hire people to make this shit while I write the proper stuff. Argh! Fuck adulting. Fuck my damn brain for having so many fun ideas and only belonging in this limited body of slowness. GAH! (what’s it like to want, Sadie? It fucking sucks, thank you! Fuck you, brain.) *slams head against table* @[email protected]


  • March 13

    Task Switching @[email protected]

    This has to be my biggest hurdle as a creative who wants to make things consistently. I can’t switch from task to task with ease. Sometimes not at all, like obsessive tasks I find myself in (coding, playing video games–which I just don’t do anymore because of this problem–arting.) There is something in my brain that will have me sit in a chair and attack a project, snapping at everyone/thing that interrupts, not eating, barely dragging away to the bathroom, etc, and it will lasts for days to weeks.

    I work hard to not find myself in this bad place; I don’t like who I am and it’s not who I want to be. But I’m seeing this problem in more milder places, like I just can’t keep my house in order once I’ve started writing for the day. Writing requires me to get into a certain headspace which is very hard to willing leave once I’m there. I don’t know how to do multiple things a day. It’s a work day or it’s a life day, you know, and that work is usually focused on only one thing.

    I know humans aren’t really supposed to be good at multitasking, but I don’t think this is really multitasking. This is monotasking, one after the other, and I just can’t seem to get in the hang of it. This is something I need to learn, like, hardcore. I feel like it would alleviate a lot of my stress if I can figure this out and be able to balance life and creative tasks.


  • March 12


    So, I think I might be moving toward the visual novel idea. I was thinking recently about all the reasons why I couldn’t move on it before. For one, I was looking at an Amazon focused strategy which required me to get all these books published first. Now that I’m in a website content strategy, that problem is alleviated completely, and I just need to get used to the idea. Like, it’s hard to keep remembering the freedom I have to create more than just the rewrite of PATB. I have options now that I don’t need to make content that’s only Amazon friendly.

    Another big reason was time/money when it comes to graphics creation. To be blunt, although I used to make art a lot when I was younger, I don’t necessarily enjoy it much anymore. Digital art is time consuming, and usually life consuming for me, and the Demon Virus visual novel has a lot of characters that I would have to have model art for. It’s a lot of art–I’m talking about 10 main characters because of the branching plots, and they would each require different expressions, poses and outfits depending on storyline. Aka, hiring that shit out is $$$ I just don’t have.

    I don’t know if you’re familiar with this little graphic, but it rules the majority of my creative life. As someone who was ill for so long (and, let’s be frank, broke,) I utilized the resources I had to create a quality product, and that involved taking a lot of time and refining and learning to get to the best level I could be with, well, pretty much everything I strive at. I don’t want to be ‘good’ at something; I always want to be my personal best. Not the best ever, but the best of my ability. So it’s usually time extensive. With a few drawing shortcuts, though, I’ve found some ways to make this process much faster than I feared it might be. I just tried it out with the Blowjob King character art, just to see if I could get a feel for it, and I’m happy with the results.

    I’m basically creating my own reference in a 3D software and then using it for the body base of the 2D characters. It still requires creating line art, clothing choices, color, etc, but this takes a lot of pain out of the process. Having character bases that allow me to reference the exact height and body build which I can then pose accordingly takes a huge chunk of time out of the sketch process, and if you’re an artist, you likely know that unless you get the fundamentals correct in you sketch, you’re end product is doomed, like forgetting the foundation to a house.

    I wish I could have done this with a more elaborate software that could do clothing, hair styles, etc, but I wasn’t able to find one that posed as well or naturally (or was affordable) as DesignDoll. I tried Daz studios last summer–It was frustrating, to put it kindly, and the characters were very stiff reference with a lack of intuitiveness for changing their body types, etc. Seriously, if I had the cash (I can only imagine this shit is super expensive) I would love to just create a character, pose it, and use it directly in the interactive novel. Like your own damn anime. I feel like this shit must exist at this point, but yeah, also assume it requires knowledge and cash way beyond me. But hey, I can find my shortcuts at least, and it makes a difference.

    The last problem was, naturally, learning a new software to create a visual novel, but I think this is pretty much solved too. Last summer, before the mold drove me out of the house and I lost months, I had been playing with a visual novel builder that had been really intuitive. I have to go through my old notes and find the damn name of it again, but I remember it was basically a drag and drop editor set up–it was like an html editor in a lot of ways where I just had to provide the content and it could set up really quickly.

    I’m still hesitating. I would really like to have the first PATB books published before I take on this project full steam, but I’m not sure if it’s ‘realistic.’ PATB, at this point, isn’t about new content, but about fixing up the old content so it’s publish ready, and I’m worried that’s going to be perceived as basically standing still. I don’t want to jump into Sorcerer Slayer until the other 2 books are finished–lets not add anything else future wise when I need to ensure the timeline is set in the past, you know?

    I’m not pushing myself enough. I’m not talking stress; I’m talking challenges. I’m bored by the rewrites and my productivity is going down because of it. So I think as a creator, I have an obligation to figure out how to get out of this funk and get motivated. I’ve been trying with the rewrites, every day looking for new ways to make it interesting, push me to get to a remotely useful wordcount, but I think I’m just honestly too bored. I need a challenge that I can do side by side with the rewrites, one that’s paced at my choice so it doesn’t become a stressors. That first challenge is just to get back into writing anything other than PATB, which is why I’m writing up Blowjob King, but I think after that I’ll be looking at the visual novel idea as the next project.


  • march 8

    Perspective is kinda magical

    Perspective is one of those things I think about a lot, not just in my writing but in my day to day. Perspective is honestly the key to PTSD, to surviving illness and trauma, and to just doing the same damn thing every single day and managing to love it anyways.

    Yesterday I was feeling down, to put it kindly. I was kicking my ass about being stupid when it came to the website. In the moment, it didn’t feel stupid (I thought I was hacked and I was being damn brilliant) but after the fact once I realized the tech behind why it gave a false reading, I felt dumb. Looking back, all I could see was me fighting shadows. And it’s not like it’s the first time. This was everything when it came to having PTSD for over 30 years. You see these patterns that aren’t really there and then you reinforce them with what seems like rational data. I SHOULD be worried because being hacked means this and this and this for me and my users. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t hacked; as long as I believed I was, I acted as if I was. Perspective is amazing.

    I once found myself in a used bookstore talking to a young man who, not too far into the conversation, revealed that the television and certain movies were communicating to him directly. He did not think this was out of the ordinary or irrational. No, to suggest that a bunch of actors came together to work on a set for months while a director and crew did everything to produce a movie that was not trying to send him a message was absurd to him. In his mind, of course the television was talking to him; he’s the only one there to hear.

    Perspective is the difference of being a schizophrenic or being ‘sane,’ and yeah, sanity gets quotes because it’s fucking subjective. Perspective makes it subjective. The same way it makes a hardship feel bearable or impossible. Getting through mold toxicity and those horrible months of chemical sensitivity could have been the worst days of my life. Instead I chose to look at living out of my car as an adventure instead of as a curse. And hey, that positive attitude helped me see more positive things that eventually led me not only out of that situation, but also helped me regain my health. If I went in thinking that Parkinson’s was a death sentence, I never would have looked and found the awesome supplements that helped me regrow my neurons and dopamine receptors/transmitters enough to get my damn brain back.

    I sat down today still feeling pretty damn dumb for chasing around my Cloudflare shadow for two days straight and felt even worse when I realized I didn’t have anything new written. I couldn’t write. Clearly, whatever the hell I was doing with my life was a fail if I could be distracted from work over something that didn’t even exist. I had lost my fun, and I was being an asshole in my head about it. I could have stayed there in that mental place–I have spent years in bad mental places and not tried to change a thing; I know how easy it is–but instead I decided to write about writer’s block and why it sucks and why I started writing in the first place. And I got to this point of realizing not only had I just written @2000 words when I had said I ‘couldn’t write’ but I was also looking forward to writing because I remembered all the reasons I love to write. I fucking love writing!

    Perspective is this really cool bit of software in the brain that has so much control over what we do, and rarely do we give it the attention it deserves. Just like when you can trigger the survival instinct when thinking danger is there, or the hunger instinct when you smell food, you can trigger the ‘let’s write something fun’ instinct with the right thought. Perspective is the key to everything, an intentioned (hopefully) message to the psyche to get things in line and bring forth the needed behavior for the task. It’s freaking magic.


  • march 5

    Okay, updates are not worth this bs

    One update just killed the embedded font throughout the website. I got it fixed (hours later because I’m just too freaking new to this shit) and I just want to sleep. The last half a week has totally sucked. Had a bad allergy reaction to my allergy shot, had to wait the weekend to have it fixed, only to have it brushed off and sick again an hour after the next shot. @[email protected] I’ve been having fevers constantly and my energy is flagging, but I’m not having the telltale mark around the injection site. I’m not flaming up even though the Parkinson’s is running rampant. My life has turned into running down a million fucking symptoms be it computer or health and slamming against a wall until I finally solve it.

    I dunno. I gotta figure this out. I don’t want to slide backwards again and lose the health I gained. I just want something to be easy. If this shit didn’t steal my brain away at the same time, it might not always feel like such a struggle. *sigh* Whatev. Tomorrow is never the same, yeah?


  • March 3

    Freaking disorganization…

    There has to be an easier way to organize emails and comments. I know I’m slow with this shit–I mean, I’m crawling at the moment when it comes to answering emails. I want some sort of system where if I forget, I can be reminded and deal with it at the same time every day. I think it’s one of those things where, if I don’t commit to the same time every day, I’m just going to procrastinate forever.

    I love the comments and emails, btw, just to be clear. I’m just a mess when it comes to time management. You know, because the world we live in requires a management of something so completely out of our control like time. @[email protected] Ugh. How do people do this?! It takes me two-three days just to get around to refilling my damn supplements for the week.


  • February 28

    Oh dear…

    I just discovered I can create tables like in Excel but on the website, and then link individual cells into whatever part of the website I want. I see this becoming a doomed obsession of neurotic word count. Yes, I’ll be making it to save time so I won’t have to do the counting again later, but that’s only because I obsessively count this shit in the first place. @[email protected]

    This will be FUN.♥ Because that’s the monster I have for a brain. >_>


  • 💕Fun MM Stuff In The Works!💕

    Hey babes!

    As I sit here, staring at my computer, all I can think about is the shit I don’t want to talk about, you know? I am so exhausted and frustrated with the world. It is gorgeous weather where I am, no mold yet to be found, and I just want the world to stop being insane and join the happy train already. Selfish, sure, but hey, sometimes we need to be selfish.

    So I’m going to talk about all the awesome shit I want to do, and how I can’t time manage my ass into gear (what gear would that be…?) to get it done. Ugh, why am I so bad at juggling things? Like, people do things all the time, every single day, and I’m just fumbling between eating and writing. @[email protected] Come on.

    Things in the works…

    • The taboo guest author spotlight for mm writers. I gotta create a form or something, guidelines, what have you, but I really love this idea. And I was thinking later it might not have to be just for taboo writers, but it is my focus atm because of the whole censorship and discrimination taboo fiction faces verses any other fiction. I really do want a place where even if social media platforms start banning things—you know, the way Tumblr banned anything adult—you don’t have to worry about these links disappearing.

    • A new short story—and that is the key here, I want to make a short story I’m going to freaking finish, and it’s going to be full of nasty sex. This has been such a problem for me lately. It’s not just that I can’t split my tasks up so that I do a little bit of one thing at a time; I’m not finishing anything. These wonderful, long novels are sucking me dry, and I need to make a damn commitment to getting a project done. Any project at this point. Even when I get an episode of Demon Bonded done, I still feel like I’m only chipping away at a mountain, you know? It never feels DONE. I don’t even want to look at the old series at the moment because I just know if I go to add an episode, I’m going to want to change the beginning that was full of my moldy brain. So we’re starting fresh to keep my neurotic tendencies at bay.

    I need to adapt to the whole website content creation thing instead of the publishing game. It’s hard for me to break out of the habit of rushing toward a goal when I need to start looking at multiple goals and planning my days around each. Right now, I’m jumping between the Demon Arms rewrite and Blowjob King—an incest filled, brother fuckfest with little to no plot. ^^ Back to basics. I’m hoping the contrast will keep me more motivated, as will finishing a damn project.

    • Oh, arting again too! Check it. The Blowjob King characters. ^^

    I decided to try an experiment to see if I could do some character creation in a much shorter time frame. I think it worked out well. I’m rusty as an artist. I don’t art daily anymore; I barely art monthly. I’m hoping to find little ways to get back into it, and hopefully, once I get a smooth system going, start on the Demon Virus visual novel project.

    Positive stress

    I want the right amount of challenge in my life when it comes to creative work. I get bored. I know that’s probably terrible to say, but it’s real. I need some sort of mental stimulation if I’m going to sit in a chair for hours on end when I could be out enjoying life now that my body is working again. But I have to fight my own brain which likes to turn everything into stress.

    It’s tough. I think I just got used to it. Years of anxiety and then of being sick has turned my base state of being into assuming the world is going to end if I can’t reach my goals. But my goals still aren’t immediately reached and the world is still here, and all that changes is I feel fucking miserable. Guilt! The fucking guilt of not getting shit done in a timely manner manages to make me slower. It’s a vicious hate crime on my own brain. I think that’s partly why I get so caught up in one project and can’t break free to do other things; a part of me is still switched on thinking if I don’t put all my time into this one thing, I’m automatically failing myself and others. Even though it doesn’t happen faster. My brain is just mean. =_=

    So this is my tentative plan to work on all that. Find ways to add challenges while removing stress, and help push me to learn how to work on multiple projects again instead of throwing myself into one that lags on and on because I’m bored. I remember back to my school days where I could jump from subject to subject depending on the class, and it was fine. My brain is capable of it; I just need to find ways to enact that in my current life once again. I just have to remember how to juggle and get back up to pace… totally.

    Not having my own room has been a big obstacle in all this. I have no office, I have no space outside of my shared bedroom, and once someone is watching TV (he knows who he is) my concentration is completely shot. We lost half our already small house to mold and yeah, it’s not great for my productivity.

    I feel good—I feel healthy and am ready to take on the world—I just also still feel a little trapped by my circumstances and my crazy brain. But again, I think those are all things I can overcome. I just need to find creative solutions and keep working on letting preconceptions and stupid thoughts go. Fun is a state of mind, and I need to get back into that place. I love everything I do—I wouldn’t be doing it otherwise—but I’m having trouble making it fun again.

    No goodies this week :/

    I went into my old Facebook haunts to see if anyone had any deals this week. Nothing. @[email protected] I’m going to poke around a bit more, but it might just be a slow week. It is a lovely day… er night. It’s now night outside. >_> (Where the fuck do I go when I type? It was light out moments ago, I swear!) Maybe peeps are all out enjoying their weekend? I may have to go in search of this stuff more in the future. I know I’ve been slacking. I need to up my game and make sure you’re all getting some fun reads hitting you from authors you might not even know exist.

    Peace, babes. Hope your weekend is wonderful, and the crappiness of the world doesn’t define your personal reality. We all gotta cope with an insane world, but we don’t have to go crazy with it.


  • 💕Site Makeover and Looking for MM Taboo Writers💕

    Hey babes!

    It has been an intense last few weeks. I feel like I’ve been staring at code for a lifetime and just lifted my head up to realize it’s winter. @[email protected] Did the zombie apocalypse happen? Did I miss fluffy pirate shirts coming back in style and then going back out? What year is it?

    Thankfully, the website is finally—FINALLY!!!!—done, and I did it in a way that I will never have to take this long again to update it. (Well, unless I scrap it and start from scratch.) Emails have all been sent out, so check your spam folders for your new passwords and such. Everyone got a free month because of just how freaking long the transfer took. I’ll be writing start Monday and getting back to new content.

    The design is a little bit goth punk, a little bit midlife crisis… XD

    I went with a very funky kind of style that cheers me up every time I see it. I’ll be honest, babes, being sick for so long has taken a lot of joy out of me. I thought getting healthy would automatically bring that sparkling, joyful person back, but the years have beaten me down a bit. I feel like some days I am literally scraping to find those silver linings in life and get a smile to grow. Part of this website makeover has been about reminding me of who I am, the things I like, the part of me that finds writing a fun, crazy party. I need my fun back, and I’m hoping when people are on the website, they’ll be feeling fun too.

    There are some new pricing options with the new website too. $5 Exclusive Reads and $5 Exclusive WIPs. I wanted to offer an economical choice to readers who like to pop in from time to time verse every day. Maybe you’re someone who doesn’t want to read anything new until it’s 100% finished, or maybe you don’t want to spend $10 just to read that one favorite WIP. This will hopefully address those kinds of problems.

    Looking for MM Taboo Authors

    I’ve had about a dozen authors hit me up at one point or another asking how to get around the unfair censorship and banning that’s been happening on Amazon and other major book retail platforms when it comes to taboo writing. The thing is, unless you’re starting with a website that Google says is trustworthy because it’s been around forever, or you have mad money to outbid Amazon or Goodreads for ads, it is very hard to compete outside of Amazon. It’s damn near impossible to make a living if you can’t be found, not to mention just the plain demoralizing feeling that comes with realizing the fantasies you write are not only being judged by faceless corporations, but aren’t protected from discrimination the way any other subject is. This is the kind of shit that kills the joy of writing.

    It’s the corporate mindset that it’s okay to discriminate because there are plenty of places out there for people to find ‘that kind of stuff.’ Well, while Amazon might think erotic books are part of the porn industry or adult market, few writers want to brand themselves alongside a wall full of flesh and sex just because some prudish outsiders think that’s what this writing is all about. It’s not how many erotic writers want to present themselves as a brand, or their writing in general. And to be clear, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the adult industry—they have to deal with enough bullshit discrimination as it is, and I’m not saying this to separate myself or my writing from their industry like I’m superior or some shit. No, I just don’t believe erotica comes from the same mindset. I feel like the adult industry has become industrialized in a lot of ways to the point that story and character development is mostly stripped away, and as a writer of books, that just doesn’t fit for me.

    I write erotica for emotionally receptive individuals. It’s not just a fuck fic; it’s a story that gets you into a mindset to enjoy a fuck fic. A miniature psychological escape from the repression and bullshit of a world that doesn’t blink twice at censoring books to the point that I had an adult store owner say she wouldn’t want to carry any of my books that contained taboo content. This kind of discriminatory messaging doesn’t just stay on a platform, it spreads like a sick disease. It spreads the way shame does, hurting people, making them feel bad, and forcing judgments on the books they write and the creators themselves.

    Amazon and other narrow minded platforms have made it so taboo and dark erotic stories don’t have a place. Where we’re not allowed to compete on equal footing in a market that is very much ravenous for this type of writing. Where others won’t promote our books in their newsletters while we promote theirs—this isn’t all authors, btw. I’ve had plenty of great authors who are more than happy to promote my books. But I’ve also had authors tell me my books just aren’t appropriate for their audience of adults. I’ve watched this get worse and worse over the last five years as a writer with little I felt I could do besides share with other authors what I’ve done personally to make it this far.

    A Tentative Plan

    I’m not rich, babes. Being ill this entire time has basically put all my money into meds and treatments and finding answers that took way too long to find. Writing books that can’t be placed on major platforms has limited my income greatly—I’m talking a loss of thousands per book. But even so, my books helped pay my bills when there are so many authors who never earn a buck for what they do. And if they want to write crazy fun, sexy, dark erotica? Many give up the moment their first book is banned because it makes them feel like shit. It’s not just knowing the world is broken, but also knowing there is someone out there who thinks you’re fucked up for writing what you write. It is a shitty, self-destructive feeling no one should have to face alone.

    I’m not sure exactly how I’m going to set this up, but I want a guest author area. What I’m envisioning is a page for each author where you can read one of their short stories, click a link, and be taken to either their webpage if they have one, or a direct link to where you can buy their book(s). If you’ve been on my site, you know it’s basically impossible to download the stories from there—I’m sure to the frustration of many XD—so a guest author wouldn’t have to fear their stories being stolen and passed around.

    And I want to pay each author for putting their short story on my website.

    A predatory market

    Let’s be real. There are plenty of writing publications, magazines, etc, who don’t pay for submissions. There are some so fucking disgusting, they charge a submission fee for the privilege of possibly being published with them. You know, the fee they charge for them to do a job that brings them money in. I don’t remotely come close to having the type of money an organization like that has, but I know I can still do better and actually pay writers for what they do.

    You shouldn’t have to be poor to be a writer. You shouldn’t assume if you go into writing, you’re never going to make any money unless you’re writing nonfiction. Content is king in this digital age, but we’re still dealing with a bunch of assholes who profit off the backs of others while never giving back to the creators who made them popular in the first place. I refuse to be another writer who contributes to a broken system instead of demanding better. So, yeah… plans.

    This is going to happen, I’m just not 100% sure how, just yet. If you’re a writer of MM taboo fiction and interested in having a spot in the guest authors’ area, email me and we’ll get an idea of what can work. I’m considering $100 per approved submission, no bullshit about exclusivity or rights—they’re your stories, not mine, and the entire point is to help sales, not lock your story on my website. Oh, and things in the membership part of my site aren’t read by Amazon bots, so you don’t have to worry about any KU bullshit either.

    Someone has to make the world better

    I’m hardly a perfect person, but just how long do we have to stare at a blatant, disgusting problem like discriminatory censorship before we try to do something about it? This is the kind of thing you have to learn to be loud about, and for me it’s difficult after a lifetime of shame messaging.

    I am not ‘immune’ babes; I’m just bullheaded. I didn’t really get a grasp of how negative messaging about sex had destroyed generations of people until I found myself in a business class among entrepreneurial adults who kept calling me ‘brave.’ Not brave for starting a business–we were all there to do just that. No, brave for daring to sell dark erotic fantasies side by side with every other legit business out there. I was the BRAVE one because even among brilliant, resilient people, there was a level of discomfort around sex.

    The world deserves better. It takes enough of a psychological toll to write a book and self publish in general. Why do we have to have fucked up cultural shame placed on top of that too? I refuse to accept it. The world can be better, and eventually I will never have to be called brave for doing what every other self published author does.

    Peace, babes. Hope you enjoy the new website, and I look forward to getting back to writing.


  • 💀Corporations Shouldn’t Be Our New Morality💀

    Rant time, babes,

    Sorry, I heard some news and it just struck a fucking chord.

    Hi, btw! XD It’s been a while. I’ve been doing so much website stuff to transfer members over to the new software. I’m literally in the process of rebuilding the damn library because I realized there is no plugin available to do the transfer, so I have to do it all manually. It’s going to take time and I don’t want people in a limbo of not being able to sign in. I’ll be sending out emails with updates to each member once their new account is ready and their new password available, so keep an eye out.

    I’ve had a few epiphanies the last month when it comes to being content focused on the website. I’m looking at creating the ability to let new members pay $5 to either read the library of finished books, or $5 to read the new stuff as I write for the month. I want economically friendly choices just in case the $10 for both is just too much for some people. I’ve finally gotten past the emotional obsession I had to ‘fix’ all the old stories. Unless it’s part of a larger series, I’m not touching the old stuff. Letting go and moving forward. It’s also time to stop trying to get things ‘publish ready’ like I’ve been doing with the PATB books. It’s why I’ve spent so much time on those stories and not had time for any other projects. They’re long and I wanted them ready for publishing so I gave them all my focus, and because of it, the website has been suffering with only that content being added.

    I’m taking the website back to a focus on taboo stories. You know, the stories that have been ignored while I’ve been writing perfectly awesome PATB books. I miss the dirty sex, and I need to find a damn balance to ensure the hot stuff is being written with the more sweet stuff. There needs to be more dirty books written, no joke. Half because they’re awesomely fun, but also as a fuck you to all this bullshit censorship happening. These books need to multiply instead of disappear.

    I have to adapt to a new model of writing where multiple stories/series are updated instead of one again. I’m stretching, relearning, getting this brain to work now that it’s healed. It really is a lot of relearning how to do the same old shit and getting over my neurotic perfectionism. It’s not easy but it’s where I want to be as a person, so it’s well worth the work.

    Seriously, you want a medal for basic human decency now?

    Okay, so Starbucks finally gets around to giving their workers sick leave. This is a company founded back in 1971, and whose net worth is $30 billion. 5 days a year you’re allowed to be paid when you’re sick to keep you from coming through the door and working, that’s their sick leave. And no, they didn’t do it for some altruistic reason such as, well, giving a fuck about their workers. No, they didn’t want their customers getting sick. That was their mentality for this. Sick customers = bad business. So, Starbucks finally gets around to being somewhat decent on such a base level, and they get mad accolades from the public. A company who cares!

    Similarly, the leader of Amazon comes out after being pressured by progressives to say he’s going to be raising all of his workers’ minimum pay to that of what some experts (these numbers are already old) would say is the bare minimum to living. That means ideally for a worker, their bills are paid, their heat is paid, they can pay rent, they can get to work, they can get groceries, and, maybe, if they’re lucky, they can pay their taxes and also have some left over for the kids, right? Here’s hoping health care is included in that, cuz it’s usually not affordable. A living wage is just getting by. There is no profit for the people making it, it’s just not being in poverty. So big cheers for Amazon for setting a standard to pay their workers enough, barely enough, while most other companies don’t even do that.

    Nike and Gillette had huge, controversial (dear fuck, why is this shit controversial?) marketing campaigns. Nike for the acknowledgment of protesting as being acceptable in a country that is still battling racial inequality and a prison system built around oppressing black people and the impoverished, and Gillette for acknowledging it’s okay to have a penis and not be a total dickbag in a country that is still battling gender and sexuality inequality. It’s a big fucking deal for these corporation to do the bare minimum of reflecting back the major sentiments already in the country and in most modern societies on the globe. Normalizing equality? Wow, what a freaking shock, right? Accolades, cheers, awesomeness for just being real instead of trying to sell their products. Companies marketing to the future instead of the past. Brilliant.

    And, in the midsts of all this supremely basic shit of just being rational in an irrational world, Tumblr bans any adult content to the point of women having hard nipples show through their very modest clothing being removed, Youtube demonetizes anything that uses fair use (aka, LEGAL content,) Facebook blocks anything potentially adult, and Amazon and all major book retailers ban certain subjects pertaining to erotica and romance in fantasy, to the point that sex ED books are placed in erotica or removed completely. Why? Well, we know for a fact with Tumblr it was to sign up Verizon as an advertiser, and Verizon doesn’t want certain sexual content to be associated with them. The whims of a 229.1 billion dollar company has decided the moral/ethical standards for 456.1 million users of Tumblr in the matter of one business deal, just so Verizon can have the ability to market their shit to those users the company wants to change.

    Amazon (a 1 trillion dollar company) has decided the moral and ethical standards for the readers who consume the hundreds of millions of ebooks a year on their platform. If Amazon says it’s okay to have books about straight sex, but not gay, they can set a standard for millions of people and then other book platforms as to if gay books are allowed. And if this feels like a stretch, many books being banned are within the MM genre and it started on Amazon before other platforms like Barnes & Noble started following suit. Amazon has been caught shadow-banning erotic books (meaning they can’t be ranked and therefore can’t be seen by customers,) removing erotic titles completely with no explanation, banning authors who are just too good at selling books on their platforms, etc. I wish I were joking, but yeah, that was a huge thing in 2018. Amazon removed accounts of authors who were too good at selling their books. They claimed the authors were making money through illegal means but were unable to show or prove that was the case. Since it’s illegal as an author to have a lawsuit against Amazon, the authors lost their livelihoods without court case or trial or any fucking way to speak up for themselves and their reputations.

    What’s my point in all this? EMBRACE DISCOMFORT!

    When companies are giants, and they say something is ‘right’ and something is ‘wrong,’ (therefore setting moral and ethical standards,) society starts imitating those beliefs. Not necessarily on purpose but through what is available, what is SEEN. When a playing field is filtered so that no one can see that gay people exist in movies, people who live in bubbles of culture get very uncomfortable to realize gay people exist and it perpetuates the fucked up mentality of trying to make them disappear.

    How many men freaked out when Deadpool was pegged by his girlfriend? He’s currently the queerest super hero on the big screen and he doesn’t even screw guys in the movies. We finally had a movie about black people that wasn’t about them just being black and dealing with racism and oppression. You know, they were allowed to just be people. This shit is taking too long! And it’s because the companies who hold the power to make our media aren’t looking to reflect society but to pander to the people who are uncomfortable with diversity.

    Where do you think that old line comes from of ‘I don’t care what they do, just don’t let them get married,’ in reference to gay marriage? That comes from the mentality that marriage belongs to only one group of people (usually white and religious and straight) and it can’t belong to anyone else because that group is not exposed to the vast, beautiful wonders of this diverse globe. They think their experience is the only experience, partly because they lack other experience and are uncomfortable in gaining it. The same with when you had the apartheid in South Africa and you couldn’t mix those of different skin colors as a fucking law. When people grow up in a culture devoid of diversity, they normalize it and then push that oppressive belief structure on everyone they meet. Their discomfort sets the norms of society. Gross.

    This is ancient era bullshit in a modern world. Segregation is not acceptance and it’s not equality and it sure as fuck isn’t enlightened, modern thinking, but we still can’t get certain races/genders/sexual orientations represented properly in media because some consumers are too fucking uncomfortable. It helps no one. When it becomes normalized, the way billion to trillion dollar companies have the power to make basic decisions and normalize what is on our television sets or computer screens, those wrong, fucked up decisions can start normalizing negative beliefs.

    People have to stop running away from discomfort and face the fact that many people are fucked up over sex because of the repressed cultures they’ve grown up in. And how in the world are they going to be able to do that when books about sex disappear one after the other because someone thinks it’s acceptable to discriminate against fiction? How can people be allowed to think for themselves when in this modern world we’re finally breaking free of ancient, oppressive religious systems only to discover corporate policies are trying to be the creators of our morality and ethics by literally removing that which they disagree with?

    Either it’s a ‘free’ market, or business owners are just talking out of their asses, being hypocrites while trying to control the market. And just so we’re clear, I will protect a corporate entities right to send a message (even if it’s an old fashioned, fucked up message) because I as an adult am well aware that my behavior and beliefs are still my choice no matter what messages are bombarding me. But I won’t sit here and bullshit that it’s okay for a company to discriminate based on the books people write or read. When Gillette made that ad, were they saying we’re not selling razors to men who believe in ‘boys will be boys?’ No. But Amazon is saying they’ll ban your books and even you as an author if you don’t conform to the moral/ethical standards they refuse to even state about sexual content in fiction. There is a huge difference there.


    Think. That’s all I want for the world. For people to think and to break free of the mental cages they have built around them. There are enough assholes out there with superiority complexes who think they’re the only ones allowed to be free. Sociopaths who think they have a right to tell other people how to think and then profit off of them. Our books are our thoughts. Our writing is our thoughts. Our stories are the lessons we learn, the random thoughts we share and others enjoy. Who the fuck is anyone to take that away and make it disappear? To say which thoughts are right and wrong? Especially companies who don’t even have the decency to pay their employees a living wage while they profit off their labor?

    Corporations aren’t some evolved, brilliant form of humanity that are going to save the damn world. They’re comprised of the same fucked up people living in the world today, and that’s it. They make money (some,) they destroy the environment and economy (some,) and it’s not a reason to believe they hold greater value over the individual.

    It’s time to end corporate welfare and to stop allowing businesses to decide our ethical standards. Stop cheering for them to do the bare minimum when they have set the standard of people working 3 fucking jobs and not making enough money to live. Corporations suck at giving a fuck. They don’t care about people and their welfare, just how to take money from their pockets. It’s sickening—in a world where many can’t afford health care.

    There is something in the human mind that is sourced back to our days of tribes where we feel we need to listen to what we perceive the majority is, be it the loudest voice, the most aggressive, or the most powerful. It allows really fucked up people who hoard wealth to have power over the minds of others. The same way we as a society need to overcome old software like anxiety and PTSD in the modern world, so too do we have to get past this tribalism bullshit.

    We are a globe of humanity, and if that’s scary, you gotta face it and get over it already. The world isn’t going anywhere no matter how afraid some people are. Discomfort is not an excuse for oppression and discrimination or the rationalization of irrational, toxic behavior.

    Also, seriously, fuck Trump. How disgusting to watch such a transparent manipulation of minds work in his orange crusted hands. That people are more comfortable with a known rapist and xenophobic bigot instead of reality is just a sad, pathetic reflection of the society we’re living in. People have to stop running away from reality and face their shit instead of making it other people’s problems.

    *deep breath* Cathartic. Totally.

    Back to boring ass website stuff for me. The bulk work is nearly done. Hopefully be back to writing soon. Sorry no freebies this week, just juggling too much. See ya around, babes. <3